Stop Worrying About Having Nobody To Kiss On New Year’s Eve

Don't freak out if this isn't you. | Source: AMC/Mad Men

Don’t freak out if this isn’t you. | Source: AMC/Mad Men

Your lack of spit swapping at midnight won’t make your New Year’s Eve a load of crap.

Look, the origins of this tradition are murky at best, but according to some not very reliable internet sources the midnight kiss has been a big to do ever since the Ancient Romans were livin’ it up. But I definitely understand how it has become so normalized. I mean, who doesn’t grow up watching the ball drop and, right at midnight, watch TV cameras zooming in on random people making out? I’m not hating on people who do this, of course. That kiss could be playful or it could mean something more, signifying a couple’s hopeful endurance and romantic longevity through the New Year. Good luck, I guess, but seeing this year after year can put a lot of unnecessary pressure on people who assume that they’re a loser because they have nobody to kiss.

As I was researching the origins of the NYE kiss, I found a lovely write up about its importance from

“Tradition and superstition aside, don’t waste your New Year’s kiss. It is one of our most life-affirming pleasures and only comes around so many times. Tonight, use it as an excuse to grab hold of someone you love, someone you’ve had a crush on for ages, or someone who is standing by the drinks table with nice lips. Throw some confetti in the air, grab them round the waist, lean them back and kiss them with everything you’ve got.”

Life-affirming? That’s, uh, intense.

I’ve already gone into detail about my lack of experience in that department and I, admittedly, can’t help but feel a twinge of disappointed when I don’t have someone to lock lips with. Some folks are bold enough to just kiss anyone in their path–Hurricane Thirsty-For-A-Midnight-Smooch–but I’m, well, not very brazen in that arena.

But you’re not a loser if you don’t kiss someone at midnight. I haven’t and look at me! I’m only, like, 35 percent loser. If you don’t believe me think of all the bad things that could come along with giving that “someone who is standing by the drinks table with nice lips” a midnight kiss:

  1. It sucks, leaving you to believe that the new year will suck, too.
  2. It doesn’t suck and, in that one kiss, you’re convinced that this guy/gal is The One. But they really don’t feel the same way and can’t wait to get out of your sight.
  3. They have an undetected cold sore which becomes your undetected cold sore.
  4. Your breath smells and you spend the entire duration of the kiss and the aftermath regretting eating that piece of garlic bread.
  5. The world ends, proving that Y2K is very real, and very delayed

I’m sure that for some of you I just sound like some bitter hag in my early 20s who is saying this because I haven’t experienced the “life-affirming pleasure” of a midnight kiss. Well, maybe I am, but whatever. All of this is the definition of “ain’t nobody got time for that.”

At the end of the day it’s important to remind yourself that that just doesn’t really matter. Seriously, who cares but you? There is no omnipotent committee of haters watching you or me, making judgement calls on our midnight shenanigans. I mean, there might be, but at least they’re quiet about it.

Don’t set yourself up for a disappointing New Year’s Eve because of a kiss. Also, anybody who takes pity on you for not kissing someone is a loser themselves with way too much time, energy and brainpower invested in the state of other people’s lips action.

Easier said than done, but don’t sweat it. You have an entire year ahead of you to make out with someone and it won’t be set to “Old Lang Syne” and that’s probably for the best.

And if you’re really that self conscious about it, just share a peck with one of your friends.

Puckered up or not, I hope that your New Year is dope. Have fun, stay safe and eat as much garlic bread as humanly possible.


Have you ever worried about a midnight NYE kiss? Are you hoping for one this year? Tell us in the comments!

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