New Year’s Eve kisses are supposed to be cute and fun, right?
Wrong. They’re the most serious of business and should be approached like a life or death situation. I mean, let’s be real, there’s nothing more important than upholding a stupid, awkward tradition that probably leads to a rise in oral herpes. But if you don’t have a girlfriend/boyfriend or a casual hookup during NYE, it’s easy to feel a little left out. What should you do if you really want someone to kiss during the midnight countdown but you don’t want to actually, you know, go through the absolute agony of seeking someone who wouldn’t mind a quick, harmless peck on the lips?
That’s why we’re here with the Lazy Girl’s Guide to getting that NYE kiss. Follow these 10 steps and watch the offers line up before your very eyes.
Reapply Your Lipstick Every Few MinutesThis assures that your lips are prepped all night and doesn't in any way whatsoever imply that you're desperate. Source: Skins/E4
Eat A Lot Of GarlicThat way whoever is kissing you will know that you're a purveyor in excellent cuisine and taste. Who doesn't love garlic? Losers and vampires and you don't want to make out with either of those things. Source: Shutterstock
Listen to 'Kiss Me' On LoopLook alluring and pucker your lips a lot as people question why the hell that song is playing for the 14th time in a row. Source: YouTube
Eat Hot Dogs Seductively In Front Of Hot Guys And GirlsIf you can slobber all over a hot dog that well just wait until you show them how well you can slobber all over their tongue Source: Shutterstock
Tell People That You Have Severely Chapped LipsSay that you have really intense lip eczema that requires regular doses of a stranger's saliva be applied to your lips lest they begin to severely start chapping. Then get out if dodge if your plan actually owns because you are surrounded by idiots. Source: Shutterstock
Spot The Weakest In The Crowd Like A Lioness Hunting Her PreyIt shouldn't take much convincing to get them to kiss you. Become the lion, okay. They're just a spry little gizzelle. Source: Shutterstock
Pull A LadyPut a piece of spaghetti in your mouth and see who will be the Tramp to your Lady. Also convenient if you're just really in the mood to grub down on some pasta. Source: Lady And The Tramp/Disney
Listen To A Lot Of BeyonceGet empowered and hope for the best. Let the power of Bey into your life. Source: Wenn Photos
CryWhen in doubt, get the tears out and hope for a pity kiss. Source: Keeping Up With The Kardashians/E!
Use A Lot Of TongueIf and hopefully when you find somebody, nibble their tongue a little. I don't know...just see what their reaction is. Source: Cry-Baby/Universal Pictures
What awful NYE kiss tips do you have? Have you ever kissed a stranger at midnight? How’d that go? Tell us in the comments!