How Can I Go On Birth Control Without Telling My Parents?

Dear Heather,

I have an active sex life with a guy I’ve been dating for a while and I really want to start using birth control pills, but I’m scared to tell my mom about it. I don’t want to talk to her about having sex and I feel really awkward asking her to help me get the pills. But I don’t know how to get them without her – I’m under her insurance so if I go to the gynecologist, she’ll know and she’ll ask about it. I don’t know what to do. How can I go on birth control without telling my parents?

That’s great that you want to start using birth control pills! Safe sex is really important, as I’m sure you know. Plus, birth controls don’t only help prevent pregnancy – they have a whole bunch of benefits, from getting rid of unwanted acne to making PMS symptoms less severe to making your period more regular. I think it’s great that you’re thinking ahead and being safe.

Now, to answer your question: yes, it is possible to go on birth control without telling your parents. I don’t recommend lying to your mom or dad, but this is your body and you have the right to do what you feel is necessary. Going on birth control pills should be your decision. If you’re afraid to make an appointment with a gynecologist because you think your parents will find out, then you need to find the closest clinic, like a Planned Parenthood (you can find locations right here).

In order to get your hands on birth control pills, you need to have a prescription. You can only get that from a doctor, whether it’s a private physician or someone from the clinic. At Planned Parenthood, you can find a doctor who will treat you without going through your insurance, so your parents won’t find out. Once you have an exam (which can be pricey without insurance), you can get a prescription for the pills (which can also be pricey without insurance). There are some programs that offer free birth control pills, such as this one.

Honestly though, telling your parents (or even just your mom) about your birth control plans might be your best option. Like I said, things can get pricey without health insurance and if you’re still covered under your parents, you should take advantage of that. You might think your mom is going to shut you down, but at the end of the day, she wants you to be safe and protected and she’s most likely going to try to help make sure that happens. Your mom can answer your questions, come to the doctor with you, help you pay for the exam and the pills and just be there for you. I was scared to tell my mom also, but she was surprisingly cool about it! 

Unless you think your mom is going to flip out about the birth control pills, I would seriously consider talking to her. Whenever it comes to anything medical, it’s good to fill your family in. Oh, and quick note: remember that even if you go on birth control pills, you need to continue using a condom. The Pill does not prevent STDs or STIs!

take care,

What’s on your mind? Heather can help! Send her your question at


At what age should I start going to the gynecologist?

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  • destiny

    I just started having sex with my boyfriend and I’m about to turn 17 but I can’t tell my mom bc
    she will freak out but he also won’t use a condom and yes we are both healthy but I don’t want to get pregnant and I don’t know how to get birth control what should I do

  • Hana

    I have a book about the gynecologist exam and im completely terrified… im 14 and I’ve had my period for a couple of years and I ask my mom about sex and now she wants to take me to her gynecologist to get a shot. Do I have to get the shot? I just want to take birth control and use a male condom as a protection against HIVES and stuff… how do I tell my mom I dont want the shot and want to start taking birth control?

  • pinkheart

    Sometimes you have to take the right precautions even if your mom doesnt approve. Obviously its better if our moms are involved because they have great advice.

  • donnear8182

    I think you should at least tell her what’s going on. Parents are pretty surprising these days. I know that if I were a mom, yes I would be shocked that she would be having sex at that age, but I would also be proud and appreciate her asking and making such a big decision that is the right one.

  • Sally

    I am 15 and can’t speak to my mum about sex at all. I have been having sex with my boyfriend, and I am too scared to tell her. I want to go on the pill, but she is so closed up about sex I don’t know how to talk to her.

    • Lexi

      Im 14 and my parents would kill me if they knew I had sex at this age, I also want to go on pills but they are really closed up on sex that I don’t know how to talk to them

  • Abby

    I’m not close to my parents, and I know they would freak out if I told them I wanted Birth Control. I have been on it before for an irregular period, but the perscriotion ran out, and my period is back on track, so I can’t get anymore. But, I now want to be on it for other reasons. What do I do? How do I get it without my parents knowing?

  • Maddy

    This girl probably isn’t super close with her mom and they can’t talk about things like that…maybe the mom would flip out or something >> I’m in college and I don’t see myself talking to my mom about sex until I’m married lol

    You could always say you’re taking it for a different reason besides sex, like to regulate your period, or acne or something, that’s what I did since I always had a super irregular period anyway!

    I was able to do it without my mom knowing cause of patient confidentiality when I turned 18, but before that like Heather said it would be pricey, like 30 dollars a month to buy it on its own

    However whether or not you talk to your mom about it, if you do start taking birth control, remember to be diligent about taking them on time!

  • Robyn

    As a mom of teenager daughters, I think this is great advice. The best part, of course, about talking to your mom. For the fact alone that if there are complications, your family should know what you are up to medically.

    Now I am a very relaxed, easy going mom. Both my girls talk to me openly and we are about to get my 16 yr old on the pill. She is sexually active and using condoms with her boyfriend. So I of course am going to advocate for talking to your mom. However, I do realize not all parents are open-minded and laid back. My thought behind this, if I tell them no no no and don’t give them all the information they need, they will find out and get what they “need” from other sources. I’d rather talk openly and give them the foreknowledge, then end up a grand parent too early, or have one of my girls get sick or murdered or something.

    I was a teenager once too, I know the score. And my mom was just as open and honest as I am about it all.

    To all you teens out there, here’s hoping you have cool, understanding parents!!