My boyfriend seems to think that I’m cheating on him, even though I am nothing but faithful. I’m trying to prove that to him. I love him very much, but his only down side is he is very controlling, not overly controlling, but he always tells me what guys I can talk to and who I can’t. Please, I need some advice. How can I convince my boyfriend that I’m not cheating on him?
In my book, any guy who tells you who you can or cannot talk to isn’t just very controlling: he’s overly controlling. Your boyfriend doesn’t have the ability or right to prevent you from interacting with anyone, be that person a family member, ex, or even imaginary friend! (Though, in the last case, you might have other things to worry about…)
That’s not to say that his opinion is meaningless. Of course he deserves to be heard. But rather than telling you what to do, he should be telling you how he feels. Unless he’s totally nuts, he won’t need to be convinced that you’re not actually cheating – what needs to be addressed is his reason for wanting to place restrictions on you in the first place.
For example, does he have general trust issues because of past relationship experiences? Or has he always had problems with jealousy? Perhaps there’s something about your dynamic together that’s making him feel insecure. Or maybe he feels threatened by certain relationships of yours that he worries he can’t compete with.
Whatever the reason may be for his domineering behavior, it needs to be revealed in an open dialogue. Ideally he’d come to you and request a sit-down discussion so he can make his feelings known and understood. But in this case I think you’ll likely need to be the mature one and initiate the conversation. Be patient, supportive, and considerate, and hopefully he’ll follow suit.
Of course, he could just have a chip on his shoulder or some emotional baggage he’s not yet willing to part with. If he can’t drop the bossy bit and he’s also not mature enough to talk about it with reason, you might have to tell him to go worry about the socializing habits of another lady instead.
Ethan Fixell is a writer and comedian from New York City best known as one half of comic “dating coach” duo Dave and Ethan. When not touring the country, Ethan gives weekly advice in the video series “Dude Seriously?”. For more on Ethan, visit EthanFixell.com.