A few weeks ago, I went on a second date with this guy I met online. We talked for over two hours, smiled and laughed the whole time and seemed like we had really hit it off. The whole time, he hinted that he was interested in seeing me again and hanging out more. When it was over, we hugged goodbye.
Well, three days later, I still hadn’t heard from him, so I texted him. After my 7th text, he still hadn’t responded. I waited four more days, texted him again and got nothing. I even saw that he been on Facebook and his blog. I was shocked. That same day, I saw him while I was out walking my dog, but he didn’t see me – but he was on his phone! I thought that was pretty rude.
I texted him again the next day and he still didn’t reply. I guess he’s ignoring me, but I’m so confused. I didn’t do or say anything wrong that might have put him off! So my question is, what should I do? Ignore him back (I really like him)? Wait for him to text me? I always think the worst. Maybe he found someone better than me. Am I not good enough. I have lost sleep thinking about this and I just don’t know what to do. Please help.
Oh boy. It sounds like you’ve found a coward who won’t tell you what he’s really thinking – so instead, he avoids you. It’s easier to ignore someone than to tell them how you feel and so most people take the easy way out.
I don’t know this guy personally, so I don’t know for sure what’s been going on in his head… but I’ll tell you what it seems like to me. I know this is hard to hear, but I want to be honest with you: even though you had a great time on the date, it’s possible that this guy wasn’t as into it as it seemed. That’s not your fault and it doesn’t mean you’re an awful person! Sometimes people just don’t have feelings for us, even when we want them to.
Maybe he was thinking about calling you and just wasn’t sure what he wanted to do, so he waited. Or maybe he never had the intention of calling – he could have changed his mind after the date for a lot of reasons. Once you texted him and he didn’t text back, you texted him a few more times. If there’s one thing I know about guys, it’s that they hate behavior like this – they don’t like to feel like a girl is being too needy. I completely understand why you texted him a few more times. You were confused, you wanted to see what was going on and you felt like you deserved answers. And you did and still do!
But texting and calling a guy over and over again is never the way to get the attention you want. This is only going to annoy him and turn him off. He probably got a little freaked out and decided his best option was to just ignore you until you stopped. He probably just didn’t want to deal with the situation, so he avoided it instead. Like I said: cowardly. Did he do the right thing? No. He should have been honest with you from the beginning. If he changed his mind about seeing you again, he should have let you know. But at the same time, you can’t always just text someone over and over in the hopes of getting an answer, as frustrating as it is. I’m sure you wouldn’t like if someone did that to you.
So what do I think you should do? Definitely do not text or call him again. I think you need to call this a loss and move on. I know it hurts and I’m so sorry! But this in no way means you’re not good enough or that you did something wrong to make him not like you. It just means that he didn’t have those feelings – and there’s nothing you could ever do to change that. Besides, do you really want to date a guy who can’t even be courteous enough to answer a text from a girl he went on a few dates with? He’s not worth it!
What’s on your mind? Heather can help! Send her your question at firstname.lastname@example.org