I have a boyfriend, B, who I’m really happy with. His best friend, E, has been my friend since before B and I started dating and we’ve always had a little chemistry going on. Recently, E confessed to me that he had always liked me and would ask me out if B and I broke up. I’m happy with my boyfriend, so I told him it wouldn’t happen, but now I’m sort of freaked out. Should I tell B about it? I don’t want to end either of our friendships with E, but I feel bad keeping this from my BF. What do I do?
Oof. You’ve found yourself in the middle of a complicated situation here. You obviously have two choices: tell your boyfriend or keep it from him. I would say that option one is your best bet. Whatever you choose to do is going to come along with consequences, either immediately or possibly in the long-term. Let’s discuss.
Okay, so let’s start with option two: you keep this from your boyfriend and never let him know that his best friend went behind his back to try to sabotage his relationship. If it was guaranteed that your boyfriend would never, ever find out about what happened, fine. All of the friendships would be saved and everything could continue as it was.
However, it’s not guaranteed that your boyfriend will never find out about this. What if he does and finds out that you kept something that huge from him? He’ll probably freak out. Not only will his friendship with E be over, but he might even end things with you as well. Think about it this way: how would you feel if your best friend told your boyfriend she liked me and wanted to date him if he dumped you? And how would you feel if that happened and your boyfriend never told you about it? You’d probably be devastated and feel really betrayed by both of them. If this happens to your BF, not only will he have to deal with the fact that his BFF likes his GF, he’ll also have to deal with the fact that two of the people he’s closest to kept something big from him.
Option one: you come clean and tell your boyfriend what his BFF said. Will it cause a fight between the two of them? Yes, probably. But that’s not your fault! E knew that what he was doing was wrong – if he really was a good friend to your BF, he would never go behind his back to try to steal his girlfriend.
Honesty is incredibly important in a relationship and that’s why I think you need to tell your boyfriend the truth. Yes, it will hurt him… but I think he’s better off knowing his friend’s true colors. Will B tell you he doesn’t want you to be friends with E anymore? There’s a strong possibility of that happening and, honestly, would you really blame him? At that point, you can decide what is more important: your friendship with E or your relationship with B. That’s where you need to follow your heart.
Just let him know exactly what E said to you and what happened. Who knows? Maybe things will be okay in the end. And if they’re not, don’t make yourself feel guilty. E knew what he was doing when he confessed his feelings to you.
What’s on your mind? Heather can help! Send her your question at firstname.lastname@example.org