My Boyfriend Is Too Needy, What Should I Do?

Hi Heather,

I wanted to reach out to you for some advice. I’ve been dating my boyfriend for a while and the first few months were great… sex everyday, laughing all the time… but now, I get so annoyed with his neediness. He always complains that I don’t give him attention or cuddle with him. I will admit that things have changed on both of our parts. I know I’m not cuddling with him as much, but it’s just because I don’t feel like doing it. Sometimes I need my own time to not be attached at the hip.

Even the sex has changed. He complains and moans that I don’t give it up, but he doesn’t give me the chance to initiate it. So then at that point, I get annoyed when he asks for it and it’s gotten so bad to the point where we fight about it all the time and I just don’t even want to go there with him in a sexual way. I also started a new job that I’ve been so excited about and you would think he would give me time to adjust, but he still complains about sex and cuddling. So I guess what I’m asking is, how can I get my boyfriend to stop being so needy? I’ve tried to talk to him about it, he says he’ll change but then nothing happens. Please help!

I can completely understand you getting frustrated with your boyfriend if he won’t let you have time for yourself. Even in the closest relationships, being attached at the hip is not a good idea. It’s totally fine for you to want time for yourself and your boyfriend needs to accept that. It’s also totally fine for you to turn down cuddling or sex sometimes. You’re not always going to be in the mood at the same time and there’s nothing wrong with saying no. 

However – just reading this question, I kind of picked up on something. It really doesn’t sound like you’re happy in this relationship or with your boyfriend. Ask yourself a few questions: are you genuinely happy dating him? Do you feel like he supports you? Do you feel like you need more than a little time away from him? Does he annoy you more than he makes you happy? Seriously think about these answers. I could be completely wrong, but it sounds like you’re at a point in your relationship where you’re kind of over things.

Consider this: when was the last time you genuinely wanted to have sex with your boyfriend? When was the last time you really wanted to cuddle with him and you enjoyed doing it? If the answer for both was a long time ago, there may be an issue. If your boyfriend is demanding sex all the time, even when you’re doing it, and he’s being mean about it – that’s not cool. But if you guys were having sex and cuddling a lot and now you’re not it at all – well, it’s a little more understandable as to why he’s asking for it. Think about if the roles were reversed and a boyfriend stopped being intimate with you. Wouldn’t you feel a little neglected? He probably feels like you aren’t interested in him or attracted to him anymore and his reaction is to be extra needy – and that’s obviously going to push you further away.

I want you to really think about how you feel about this guy and this relationship. It’s okay if you need a break from him and want to break up and try things on your own. But if you’re sure that you’re happy with him, then you just need to try to talk to him again and be more firm this time. Let him know that his neediness is pushing you away and it’s going to ruin your relationship. Give him some time and if he doesn’t stop, you might need to end things. You can’t continue to date someone who makes you unhappy, that’s not fair to either of you.

take care,

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My boyfriend keeps pressuring me to have sex, help!

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Posted in: Help Me Heather, Love Advice
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