Earlier in the week, I was innocently skimming through my Facebook news feed when I saw a status from a dude friend that said: “I’m convinced there are no good girls left in this world. Why does every girl out there suck?” And then yesterday, I saw a status from a girl that said: “Convinced that all ‘men’ are pathetic and immature. Guys are the worst.” Um, excuse me? I am so, so sick of seeing and hearing this kind of statement – that because you got burned by one, or maybe a few, guys or girls, you feel the need to make the claim that every single guy or girl out there sucks. It’s immature and ridiculous and I’ve had enough.
This week was obviously not the first time I’ve seen a status like that. In fact, I would say that I see one probably once a week, all from the same 20 Facebook friends. I also hear people say it in casual conversation. I’ve had more than one friend say things like, “All guys are jerks. I’m going to become a lesbian instead.” Uh, okay? You do know women can be just as complicated as men, right?
If you’re the kind of person who does this, you need to stop. Saying this kind of stuff not only seems like a cry for attention, but it also makes you look really judgmental, whiney, petty and bitter. These are things I know none of you want to be.
Listen, I know how frustrating and upsetting it is when you’ve been hurt by someone or multiple people. I’ve been there! The guys I dated before I met my current boyfriend didn’t really treat me well at all and for a long time, I felt a little hopeless about romantic possibilities. I’ll readily admit that after my first breakup, I said the same stuff. I was all like, “Ugh, guys are the WORST. I’ll never meet a good one.” I was in a bad place at that time.
I stopped saying and thinking that stuff when one of my best guy friends called me out on it. I said something about how all guys sucked and he said, “Jessica, stop. It actually hurts my feelings when you say that. Not all guys deserve to be called jerks just because you met a few of them.” I immediately knew he was right and felt incredibly stupid. I had never thought that people might actually take offense to it, but now, when I see guys saying that stuff about girls, I do take offense to it! I think I’m a nice girl and I don’t want other people assuming I’m not just because a few girls maybe weren’t so nice.
Still not on the same page as me? Let me convince you further. Here are four reasons that saying this kind of thing is not okay:
You’re airing out your issues on social media or in public. It’s never a good idea to say stuff like this on social media. First of all, it can be captured and saved forever. Second of all, it’s just not in good taste to get too personal on Facebook. These people making statuses about how all guys and girls suck? They’re letting everyone know that they’re obviously having dating issues and that’s no one else’s business! It’s really uncomfortable for the rest of us to log into Facebook and see this kind of thing. It’s like, how do you respond? What are you supposed to say? It comes off as needy and whiney, even if you don’t mean it to.
You’re alienating people with those statements. My best guy friend got pretty annoyed at me when I said that stuff and let’s just say it takes A LOT to make him mad at me. You never know who’s listening to you or reading your stuff on social media – a potential “nice guy” who likes you could be overhearing and if he reads that, he’s going to be like, “ugh. That’s not cool.” It doesn’t make other people want to prove to you that they’re great, it hurts people’s feelings because a lot of them did nothing to deserve your wrath.
You’re generalizing an entire gender based on the actions of a few people. I know you’re probably hurting, but seriously, listen to me: just because a few guys hurt you doesn’t mean every guy will. It’s not fair to assume that, because one dude cheated on you, every dude will cheat on you. You need to give people a chance, not automatically declare that they’re all losers because a few of them weren’t that nice to you. If you heard a guy saying, “Every girl is a lying jerk,” would you be like, “aw, I want to date him!” or would you be like, “Wow. Not cool.” I hope it would be the second option. Generalizing anyone because of a few actions of others is not okay. Everyone is different and you can’t loop an entire gender together like that.
Just because someone hurt you or didn’t like you back the way you liked them doesn’t make them a horrible person. Look, you can be mad at your ex who broke your heart all you want. But the truth is, someone doesn’t instantly become a bad person just because they broke your heart. If a guy didn’t like you back or rejected you, you can’t say he’s a jerk because of that! No one should be shamed for not having feelings for someone, that’s ridiculous. If your ex cheated on you with your best friend, yeah, that’s a crappy thing to do. I can see why you’d think he’s a bad person. But if your ex dumps you because he doesn’t know what he wants or because he fell out of love? That doesn’t make him horrible. It makes him human.
All I’m saying is, let’s stop with this statement that every guy or girl sucks already. There are millions of people in this world and they deserve a chance to show you they’re good before you assume that they’re not just because they’re a certain gender. If you need to vent, pull out a journal and vent. Call your best friend and rant. Scream into a pillow. Don’t put up a passive-aggressive status on Facebook and then wonder why your crush didn’t ask you out.
Do you ever say this kind of thing? Do you know people who do? Does it bother you or do you disagree with me? Tell me in the comments.