Ask A Guy: Why Isn’t He Answering My Text Messages?

Dear Ethan,

Why do guys just randomly stop responding to text messages? Especially the flirty ones who are your friend and cannot keep their hands off of you and hint that they find you attractive. I’ve been texting this guy and he acts like he likes me, but out of nowhere he went MIA! Why isn’t he answering my text messages?

Whoa! Sounds like you’re dealing with one confusing dude. A “friend” who also typically can’t keep his hands off of you, but now ignores your texts, is giving you three very distinctly conflicting signals. But I wouldn’t lump this fella in with all guys, as he’s likely got some specfic hidden motives (if not a personality disorder). So let’s try to dissect this guy and see if we can understand why he stopped responding to your messages.

For one thing, he’s already surrendered his “friend” priveleges. That’s not to say that he’s not a nice guy, or isn’t invested in your well-being — but a real friend wouldn’t ignore you or push you aside when you reach out to him. And any guy who’s consistently hinting at your attractiveness — especially one who can’t stop hugging, holding, or touching you – isn’t in it for the nail-painting and gossip sessions. He’s in it to make out!

Most likely, his lack of responsiveness is precisely because of his attraction to you. He’s nervous, scared, or unsure of how to take things to the next level, which is especially common with inexperienced guys. Of course, it’s also possible that he’s a player who’d love you to put out without having to put in too much work. In which case, the distance he’s creating would be a tactic to keep you from getting too attached and would allow him more time to mack it to other girls. But I’m gonna give him the benefit of the doubt here and guess that he’s simply lacking confidence and uncertain whether his feelings are reciprocated.

Unfortunately, the only way to know what’s actually going on with this flip-flopping dude is to make a move! You may feel more comfortable addressing the situation in conversation, or by pouncing on him like Katniss on Peeta during a dark screening of Catching Fire. Either way, it seems that the only way you’ll achieve any closure is by confronting the issue head on.

Good luck!
Ethan

Ethan Fixell is a writer and comedian from New York City best known as one half of comic “dating coach” duo Dave and Ethan. When not touring the country, Ethan gives weekly advice in the video series “Dude Seriously?”. For more on Ethan, visit EthanFixell.com.

Are you confused about a guy? Do you find yourself wondering, “What is he thinking?” Tell us everything in the comments! And if you have a question for Ethan, email him at askaguy@gurl.com!

 

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Posted in: Ask A Guy, Love Advice
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  • Tiffany

    Help! I meet this guy about a month ago in school, and he’s been really nice to me, and we have hang out too, but this time when I ask him to hang out, suddenly he just doesn’t reply anymore… what should I do ? Should I talk to him at school when we have the same class ?

  • Alyssa

    I need help i like this guy and he likes me. Well at least i think so, he told me he likes me but he is really shy. Today we kissed for the first time and we held hands during lunch where no one could see us and when we got to the door to the lunch room he stopped and unclasped our hands and he said he had to go find his friend. Then after school i saw him walking to his bus and i asked him if he would email me. But when i got home from school i emailed him and said heyy and like maybe an 1hr and a half he replied and said Hi and that isnt usual for him so i asked him if he was okay and i havent herd back from him yet. I really like him and i dont know what to do.

  • Nicca

    It hurt to love someone but lovin u back its like u are running after him or something.do everything just to make him feel happy after he started showing the devil that was inside,cheating,ignore your calls.hurts

  • Sarah

    Someone, please help me.

    I know a guy and he is amazing. I first met him because of a program I was participating in. That was last year, this year the program will start again soon.

    He texted me and asked me if I was doing it?

    Him: Are you doing it?

    Me: Why?

    Him: just wanted to know

    Me: really?

    Him: fine, I don’t want to lie to you..but, you must not tell anyone, even your best friend.

    Me: OK

    Him:

  • brooke

    this guy who i thought like me, i met hi through the internet, and we have met in person , and we have good chemistry, has stopped texting me like he normalyl does and , has been in bourbom since thursday, and i thought he was pretty serious about me and was gonig to ask me out, and the past two days he sent me g;mornin texts and stopped.
    So i finally texted him **** how ifelt about the way he was treating me , how i wasn’t going to put up with him barely texting me and hot it makes me feel like he is trying to avoid me or lost interest. Well then i sent a message this morning , sayig sorry for the stress and that im not perfect. He said, can you pleas stop, i too **** up to hear this. i have no idea what he meant or any idea any more.
    Which i can admit, i do text him obessively, but thats only because he doesnt even respond, and it could be days. Is there still hope? i still care about him, if there is still hope, tell me how i can make him miss me and play hard ot get. i havent texted him at all after he sent that message about being **** up. What to do ? im years old, and he is 19. I know we aarent dating but , we’ve been talking for sometimes, and maybe im overreacting or just worried , but this how i feel,

  • nazia

    **my english is not that good**
    There was a guy who flirts with me alot .. and v used to talk everyday .. but now he suddenly started ignoring my texts but i want to talk to him :/ actually i have started liking him … please tell me why he is ignoring me .. i want to be his friend

    • eli

      same happened to me. Honestly I think he is just a player and he just met someone else. So I won’t text him anymore I’m sure he will come back; but thanks to that I don’t think he is the right one for me now… I want someone that can answer to my messages and not make me feel ignore so he can go to China I don’t care I don’t want him anymore.

  • Yabu

    Help!!!ive known zis guy for ayear and ahalf we talk on the phone for some time we both don’t talk in school we used to talk in txt messages but he stop answering who i tought his sister call me to talk but she also stoped calling me.wht should i do?

  • Holly123

    I’ve like my best guy mate for ages now and finally, plucked up the courage to ask him out on valentines day he read the text but didn’t reply what did I do wrong

  • Nika

    I Have Liked This Guy For A Long Time He Found Out In 7th Grade. He Started Treating Me Differently Like He Would Pick Me Up & Play Around Alot. I Moved To A Different State & Talked To Him On Facebook. He Asked Me If I Lived In The Same State & He Asked Me To Be His Gf Would I Say Yes. I Told Him Yeah. We Dont Talk Alot Because He Doesnt Get On Facebook Alot But When I Do Text Him On Facebook He Waits A Month Later To Reply Im Confused. Does He Like Me ?

  • sweetandshy101

    so this girl every1 knows asked me out for a hot guy and i said yes, we barely had ever talked and its weird but i really like him.when this girl whoo might be lying told my friend to tell me he had told her when she asked him and he said he had not asked me out, he is VERY shy like me and i think he was to shy to say he did, she could be lying, or it was a joke that was really hurtful, what do u think help please!!

  • Lizzy

    I told a boy I liked him and now he won’t talk talk to me or look at me. I waited about a week and half before bringing it up again and he won’t talk about it. He’s really nice to me and I know he is shy but I just want things to go back to normal. Please help!

    • Cody

      Good news is, Liz, they probably will go back to normal.

      When I was around what I presume to be your age I was a very shy boy. Girls I liked liked me back but I just couldn’t emotionally deal with it. My childhood friend was the same way.

      What you did was good, and the fellow now knows that you like him, so just try to put yourself in casual low pressure situations where he can go back to normal routines and be nice to you again.

      Your admission has had an effect. It has changed things. If he were uninterested in would not have.

      so be patient, ease off the pressure, and smile a lot.

  • samantha

    Help me!! A little off topic (sorry) but I need major help!! I have a crush on this guy … And I know he likes me back … But the guys brother, who happens to be my best friend also has it bad for me and has told me several times!!! I don’t know what to do!!! I know if I date my crush his brother (my best friend) will be ticked and im so scared he’ll stop being my friend…. I don’t know whether to follow my heart or my head on this one!!! HELP!!! O.O
    #Desperate&Confused

  • chanelmorgg

    I have a problem! This guy I liked started texting me on valentines day last year, we never really talked in person but flirted through texting. He would text me and then ignore me for a while and he actually did the same thing with some of my friends but now he’s been texting me again in the same way except he has a girlfriend and I don’t know what to do. I feel like it’s wrong but I enjoy texting him.

  • cs

    Last year on valentines day My crush asked me for my number, we would text but we never talked in person. The year before he talked to one of my best friends,we didn’t know each other then, and she said that he would text her and ignore her. He did the same exact thing to me, he lead me on and I really fell for him but then he got a girlfriend. I stopped liking him for a while but last week he started texting me again. He still has a girlfriend but he’s kinda been flirting with me too. I’m not sure if I should stop talking to him or if I should keep it going. I really enjoy talking to him but I’m just stuck!

  • Cf

    I’ve been really close with a good friend of mine we’ve liked each other off and on
    We have been spending a lot of time together he’s told me he likes me but doesn’t want to date right now he also texts and randomly stops I go see him almost every night and it’s like he freezes up he says he’s shy around me but that’s only started since he said he likes me. I’ve never really had the issue with guys or cared for someone as much as I do for him I don’t know what to do or say i like him but it’s driving me crazy that nothing’s happening I don’t want to stop hanging with him but I also don’t want to feel like he doesn’t want me but acts like he does off and on he’s a great friend I’m wondering should I take space and try and just go back to friends

  • KP

    HELP ME! !
    Gahh ok so its senior year and i guess you can say ive waited long enough to ask someone. Theres this guy, awesome guy…who ive known since our freshman year. I like him if that wasnt already obvious but i dont know how to go from crushing to talking. Its not typical he doesnt know i exist…freshman year we had pe together and we flirted well..he did i just made stupid moves and sometimes even sounds. Once he was going to ask for my number but his friend called him out. Over the years its been here and there we have no clases together but he speaks in the hall ways. The thing is its never constant and its usually not around a lot of people. Maybe im thinking too much into it but this is why i dont really speak to him first. I dont know what to do..how do i know why he only speaks around a few people? Or if hes just lost interest period?
    -Crushing&Confused

  • adellexo

    i am on the same boat! ugh it’s annoying…