In the latest episode of The Mindy Project (do you watch it? if not, start NOW), Mindy’s friends accuse of her of being too picky when it comes to dating. Of course, this makes Mindy totally freak out and so she goes on a date with a dude who is obviously really wrong for her, just to prove to her friends that her standards are not too high (I won’t spoil the end for you). The episode made me think: what is the difference between being way too picky and simply having high standards?
I kind of hate when people say someone is “too picky” just because they have standards. I consider myself a pretty open person – I don’t really have a type and I’ve given all sorts of guys chances, some that worked out and some that didn’t. But I do have a few standards and, once, when I rejected a guy for not meeting them, a friend rolled her eyes and said I had to stop being so picky. It really bothered me. Sometimes, people just aren’t attracted to someone or they don’t like something about someone – that’s not a bad thing! You don’t have to say yes to every dude who asks you out. You can pick and choose!
So, I think it’s great to have standards – it’s very important to know what you want out of a relationship in order to have a fulfilling one. But at the same time, I think it’s also really important to be open to dating people who aren’t your usual “type.” Being open to new people can sometimes lead you to some awesome experiences and being too closed off can hurt you sometimes. Here are 8 signs that your standards are too high:
Your Future BF Has To Have VERY Specific ThingsIt's okay to have a checklist of what you want in a future relationship... it's what's on that checklist that matters. Saying things like, "I want someone loyal, funny, outgong, who has a good job, etc." is fine. It's good to know the basic things you want in a person. It's when things get too specific that it becomes a problem. Saying something like: "I want someone with a nice car, who has blue eyes and dark hair, not too big but not too thin, has to have at least one tattoo, etc." is not okay. You can't build your perfect boyfriend out of your imagination! Source: ShutterStock
You've Passed On Someone You Were Attracted To Because of One ThingThere's nothing wrong with rejecting some of the guys who ask you out, especially if you're not attracted to them or something big like that. But have you ever rejected someone you were attracted to who seemed really cool just because of one thing? One small thing, like he forgot to call you back once or he wears stupid shoes? If you do that a lot, it's a sign that you're looking for perfection. When was the last time someone asked you out and you said yes? If you can't remember, that's not always a great sign. Of course you don't have to say yes if you genuinely don't want to. But are you sure you're not holding yourself back because he's not exactly what you want? Once, this guy who was the total opposite of me was pursuing me for a while. I kept saying no until finally I decided to give him a chance. Our date turned out great and three years later, he's still my boyfriend. Source: ShutterStock
You Want A Relationship Like In The MoviesMovie and TV relationships are usually amazing in some way. But you can't think that real-life relationships are going to be the same way because, guess what - Hollywood is fake! Don't compare dudes to fictional characters or wonder why things aren't happening like they would in a movie. They almost never will. Source: ShutterStock
You Regret Rejecting Multiple PeopleIf this has ever happened to you, you might be too picky: you have turned down a bunch of guys in the past and, a few months later, you regret it and wonder why you didn't accept their date offer. If it's genuine regret and it happens a lot, it's a sign you need to be a little more open. Source: ShutterStock
Your Friends Tell You You're Too Picky All The TimeWe don't always have to listen to what our friends say, but if they're all pointing out the same thing, that is usually a sign of a pattern we don't want to see. If your friends and family are constantly telling you that you need to be more open-minded about who you date, seriously consider whether what they're saying has truth behind it. Source: ShutterStock
You Don't Believe In Second Chances, EverAnother sign of super high expectations? You have a strict policy against second chances. The fact is, sometimes people mess up. It stinks, but that doesn't mean that no one is worthy of a second chance. A lot of people are. No one is perfect and it's really important to remember that. If someone did something wrong and they're genuinely sorry, you should consider giving them a chance to prove that they're better than that. Source: ShutterStock
Do you think your standards are too high? Has anyone ever told you that you were too picky? Do you have a specific type? Tell us in the comments.