If life were as perfect as a book, TV show or movie, then the possibilities of where you could have sex would be endless. Fictional characters always seem to be getting down and dirty in weird places that seem like they would never work in real life… yet for some reason, these are supposedly popular places to have sex, even though you should never attempt it because these are actually the WORST places to have sex.
I’m all for a little experimentation and switching things up and all that and, truthfully, I’ve hooked up in a few of these places in the past (this is how I know they’re the worst, okay?). It can be great to hook up outside of the bedroom – it’s more exciting and can amp up your sex life a lot. But, I don’t know, maybe try a place that ISN’T any of these places. You’re welcome.
In The ShowerWhy is shower sex such a thing? It's actually the worst. Let's go over why. One: it's slippery. Someone can easily fall and hit their head and get a concussion. Two: It's uncomfortable. How do you have sex while you're both standing up and neither of you can really hold onto everything because everything is wet? Three: Water dries you out down there, causing a lot of friction and actually making it really difficult to have successful sex. I guess that covers it. Shower sex is, basically, the worst. Source: ShutterStock
In A CarI know that Jack and Rose made car sex look all steamy and romantic and wonderful in the Titanic, but guys, that was a movie. Sex in a car is the most uncomfortable sex ever. Cars are cramped and someone is always going to hit their head or jam their leg or, I don't know, be totally contorted like a crazy person. Also all the windows steam up fast and I know you want to make a sexy handprint like Rose, but you can't, okay? You'll get arrested.
On A Bunk BedA lot of college kids have sex on bunk beds because they have no other choice and I feel sorry for them. Once, I slept in my friend's dorm room and I slept on the floor next to the bunk bed because her and this dude were getting frisky on the top bunk. In the middle of things, they literally fell off the top bunk onto the floor, just missing my friend and I. It was... interesting. Practice safe bunk bed sex, guys. Source: ShutterStock
In An Airplane BathroomHOW DOES ANYONE DO THIS? I mean, have you guys ever SEEN an airplane bathroom? There is barely space to wash your hands and pee let alone have sex. Every single time I go in an airplane bathroom, I imagine people doing it and every single time, I think, nope. Source: ShutterStock
In Any Bathroom At AllActually, just don't have sex in bathrooms. They're gross. Do you know what happens in bathrooms? Do I need to remind you? It's not sanitary. Also, trying to do it while your butt is on a cold, hard sink is incredibly uncomfortable. Source: ShutterStock
At The BeachDoes this look appealing to you? I guess it would if you enjoy rolling around in sand while half-naked and returning home to find it in your most private areas. I love the beach but I have no idea why everyone thinks beach sex is romantic. Sure, I guess it's romantic if you like to be exfoliated during sex. Source: ShutterStock
Most Places OutsideWhile we're at it, most places outside are not made for sex. I know it sounds like I'm ruling everything out, but according to stock photos, a lot of couples have sex in piles of dirty leaves and I'm just not down with that. Bugs, dudes. Bugs. Source: ShutterStock
In A Hot TubHaving sex in a hot tub is like having sex in the shower, except it's way more hot and the water and chlorine will burn your vagina. You might think it's easier because you can sit but actually you're not sitting - you're sliding around trying to get comfortable like, "uh, wait... ow!... hold on... wait I fell." Source: ShutterStock
Have you ever had sex in any of these places? Do you agree or disagree with me? Which places did I forget? Tell me in the comments.