7 Double Standards About Female Sexuality That Piss Us Off

Last night I was invited to a screening of a documentary called Subjectified: Nine Women Talk About Sex. I’m glad that I went, because it brought up so many important issues that we constantly discuss here on Gurl like virginity, shaming women and rape culture.

Before the film started, the director, Melissa Tapper Goldman, said something that really stuck with me: “The problem is shame, the solution is speaking up.” And it’s true! There is so much shame surrounding sex, particularly women and their sexual experiences. One of the most important ways that we can break out of this cycle of shame and fears we have of being alone in our experiences and encounters with sexuality is to talk about them.

And that, in my opinion, includes discussing the shameful double standards that are placed on female sexuality. If you feel me on this, check out these 7 double standards about female sexuality and rage with us!

What are some other unfair sexual double standards that leave women with the short end of the stick? Have you had to deal with any of them? Tell us in the comments!

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  • Lola

    I am pissed that people have sex before marriage, it just makes me sick. I agree with some of these, but the “v-card” is a good thing.

    • Belle

      There is absolutely nothing wrong with having sex before marriage. Having your “v-card” is not a good or a bad thing and not having your “v-card” isn’t bad or good either. You make me sick

  • Victoria

    I’d say the only thing worst that growing up thinking sex is “bad” is not being taught. I was never taught anything about sex. I had to get the talk online. I had to learn what sex was online (I was an innocent 6 year old then!). School didn’t help either. If someone would even say the word “sex”, they’d think they were disgusting. So I basically learned more about sex from the internet that my own parents.

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  • Madam Nixie

    I definitely agree on this subject. I was raised from childhood that sex was a no no until marriage and any girl that did otherwise outside of marriage needed to close her legs. I was influenced a lot as a child to believe it was okay for the male to have sex, but as a female, it was shunned. Once I finally grasped the stupidity of this, I realized that as females, we actually judge ourselves more than anyone judges us. We take the judgment, but we multiple it in our minds. The concept of the v-card was very special to me, but after it was gone, well I think it just showed me how incorrect we are. It’s up to the person as to if it should be special.

  • Kathryn

    This is so frustrating. And the people who are worst about judging girls over sex is OTHER GIRLS. I swear to God we are trained from the get go to judge each other. I told my best friend of 11 years that my bf and I were starting to have oral sex and she was extremely judgmental. She told me that’s what whores do. And guess what? my bf and I have been together for 2 years. It horrifies me that my own best friend would say such a thing…I mean, who can I trust to talk about sex with? It’s like I have to keep it bottled up inside from everyone, while men go around getting praised for their sexual encounters. I can’t even bring myself to tell my bf what I want during sex because I’m afraid he’ll think I’m being too demanding or critical. I mean, wtf? Why do I have this fear? I love him more than ANYTHING but I can’t rid myself of this weight that society has placed on my shoulders. And I know that he would be compliant with my wishes but there’s still this need to be the perfect, selfless, beautiful, flawless woman who pretends that he is excellent in bed even if he isn’t. I must bear the burden of shame and the lack of satisfaction because I have a vagina and boobs.

  • Crystal

    I agree with Emily in that I don’t believe in the concept of virginity. I am a virgin, but it isn’t some magical thing I’ll lose the second a guy sticks his penis in my vagina. Virginity is a non-thing, it is the absence of an experience in your life, and you can’t lose a thing that isn’t even a thing, but you can gain an experience (good or bad). And why is this “non-thing” concept of virginity so paramount in the way we view people and ourselves anyway? There are far more important concepts and ideas having to do with people that we could be talking about that don’t get that much of a look in.

    • Victoria

      Virginity is a thing, but not important. Virginity is basically a fragile obstruction from the vaginal opening called the hymen. Nothing changes when it’s broken.

  • Kay

    Another double standard is that Guys can be as hairy as they want but if your going to be sexually active with a girl she has to shave every little strand of hair on her body. Now if your a woman like I am I grow a lot of hair all over my body I can’t always be shaving every 2 days just so my man can not complain about my hair. I grow hair everywhere too so stop expecting me to be perfectly shaven all the time.

  • Faith

    I hate double standards sooo much.
    btw I believe having sex is a big deal and virginity is “precious” to me, but this does NOT make me feel ashamed or pressured. (also, I don’t think it’s just a big deal for a girl, but for a boy too)

  • Emily

    Thank you for taking recognition of these gender standards. I totally agree with each of them. Especially virginity. I actually don’t even really believe in the concept of virginity. Of course it can be a big deal to have sex for the first time, but describing it in a way that’s as if you will lose something very precious and will never be able to gain it back adds both pressure and shame to women.

  • Eve

    Yes. I hate these double standards so much!