From The Message Boards: Is Porn Cheating?

Being in a relationship requires communication, honesty and loyalty. But technically, what is considered cheating and what isn’t?

This week on the message boards, y’all are talking about if watching porn is cheating. Let’s see what you had to say.

veganini asked:

“I get angry at my boyfriend when I find out he’s been looking up porn. I feel like it’s cheating. What do you guys think? Am I just being jealous or do I have a point?”

greekgurl said:

“OMG! Good question. In a way it may seem to be so, because he wants to spend time with those porn stars than to be with you. So he is choosing to stay away from you to be with them. Then some may think its is safe because he is not with someone else. I even hear my dad use that line, and I know he looks up those sites online. But then when you look at the situation – you are by yourself. It is like cheating – isn’t it?”

S0Exciited said:

“I think it’s just jealousy and comes from an insecure place.”

MatildaLove said:

“I think it’s eww. I’m anti-pornography 100%. I think when it comes to whether it’s cheating or not, it’s up to you. If it makes you uncomfortable you need to clearly communicate that to your partner. If you think it is cheating, then it’s cheating, just make sure you make it clear to him first that’s how you feel about it. Explain your expectations, learn what his are, what is your definition of cheating? what is his?”

bunny97 said:

“I don’t think it’s cheating. I’m in a healthy relationship and we both watch porn, separately and sometimes even together. Porn is a fantasy – just something in his head. He’s not participating, it’s all in his head. So if we can think about sexy things while we masturbate, like celebrities, what’s the difference with porn stars? The only difference is that he’s not doing the imagining himself. That’s what I think about it. I think the truth is that humans are biologically programmed to reproduce. So when we can’t help thinking ‘Wow, that guy is cute’ even when we’re in a relationship, it’s not like we’re cheating. Guys can see a girl and think ‘Wow she’s sexy’ and think about sexual stuff with her, but does that mean he wishes he were actually with her as opposed to you? I don’t think so. Porn is the same, in my opinion.”

Dae27 said:
“It’s not cheating. But if it’s something that you are not comfortable with or he is being disrespectful about it or obsessed with it then you need to tell him that you don’t feel comfortable with it and hopefully he respects that. Or be with someone who won’t look at it. Keep in mind they don’t love or care for the people they are watching, don’t let it bring you down or anger you. Hope your bf takes on your feelings about it, but don’t be too hard on him.”

Personally, I don’t think watching porn is cheating. If your boyfriend managed to leap through the computer screen and have sex with a porn star, then yes, that is cheating.

The first thing you have to realize is that a lot (A LOT) of people watch porn so you are not alone in the “My BF watches porn” debacle. However, you need to understand that your boyfriend isn’t watching porn because you aren’t what he wants or because he would rather watch a porn star than have sex with you. Porn is all about fantasy.

I’ll tell you something else: guys masturbate…a lot. Even when they have girlfriends! And while you would love for your boyfriend to get off to you and only you, that’s not realistic or fair. Just like it’s not fair to ask him to never look at any girl ever while he’s with you.

Porn really is pretty harmless, and it’s actually great for you as a woman. However, if he’s watching porn so much that he’s ignoring you or watching it 24/7, talk to him about it. You can tell him that him watching porn makes you uncomfortable, but he might feel like you’re trying to control what he does so be careful with how you approach it. At the end of the day, you’re the real-life girl he has and likes!

What do you think about porn? Is it cheating? Do you watch porn? Tell us in the comments!

Need advice on a different topic? Do you have a story you want to share? Post your own thoughts and questions in our boards and start chatting with other girls.

 

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  • Unofficially Official

    I certainly am not sad that my man masturbates. I am sad that he masturbates to images of another woman’s privates. I am sad that after having sex everyday and offering to make him a sexy video so that he doesn’t feel like he needs porn, he still refuses to quit watching (and he’s not even an addict.. yet). I am sad that he needs to see another woman’s crotch to get off when I am not around (if you NEED porn to get off you have a bigger problem than girl troubles my friend). I am sad that he admits that HE thinks he’s been cheating. I am sad that I agree with him. I am sad because he lied to me, and used other woman to satisfy himself sexually. I could not care less that he needs release. Everyone does, even females. I masturbate. I don’t watch porn. I don’t need it, because I only want to think of him. Because as I have stated, to think of someone other than your partner while jacking, flicking, sucking, or ****ing would be wrong. I am sorry for you. You’re judgement is clouded beyond belief. Porn is not healthy. Physically, mentally, or otherwise. It is a PROVEN scientific FACT. There are many articles, statistics, and yada yada on why it is bad; so I won’t go into detail about that. Cheating in a relationship is officially defined as “an act of disloyalty, dishonesty, or betrayal in which one party feels cheated out of intimacy, or emotional connectivity.” When you look at porn you are staring at someone aside from your lover, and getting sexual excitement, and in most cases release from them. Would you jack off with a naked woman standing in front of you, while you were in a relationship? Is that cheating? What makes porn different from that? I am in no way saying all cheating brings the same pain. All forms of cheating are equally bad, but physically cheating is obviously the most damaging emotionally. The pain of finding porn on their computer would never be like the pain of finding them in bed with someone else. But that isn’t the point. The point is that it all still hurts. It’s all still wrong. In a world where bad is becoming good and good is becoming scarce.. I have no doubt that in fifty years cheating will be redefined again to fit the needs of the sexually inclined. Just because society says ok, doesn’t make it so. Food for thought.

    • jade

      Unofficially official ,

      I agree with what you have said 100% , I have a partner who likes to watch porn ..sometimes for hours and hours and searches over 200 searches at one time .. I go through the history after and it’s always the same …This is extremely hurtful and makes me feel I’m no way sexy for him that I cannot sex ally please him anymore . The only time when this was a serious problem was when he was watching it , for hours and I grew tired and board not to mention all the other degrading feelings …I said stop ..He was fully aroused and as soon as he stopped the porn , it just dropped dead and wouldn’t wake up !!!! I felt humiliated , ugly , like I just wanted to die !!! He professed to me it was cause he was tired and not me , but I knew the truth ….I couldn’t believe it or stomach the humiliating , total mood killer .
      But I have talked to him , and we’re working to make it not an issue , I’m going to try be more accommodation in the bedroom and we’ve reached an understanding .. Most men will conform if they love their partner enough to really understand .. I’m just lucky he is understanding and is willing to put us before porn . But it will take time , the desire is always their , but I think in moderation and respect for the spouse is something that all couples need to have with each other . You will never stop a man from wanting to see porn , it’s what mess him a man , so why not try to understand it and find enjoyment together and have fun xx

    • lissa

      If he rarely has sex with you, like not more than once a month on average, and chooses to watch porn alone, when he could be having sex with you instead
      That’s the same as cheating
      If you guys do have a good active sex life together and he watches porn sometimes then it’s not a big deal but if he deprives you of sex and chooses porn instead of being with you then it might as well be cheating cuz it’s just as bad

  • Crystal

    Well in my situation I do feel if it isn’t considered cheating, it is pretty damn close. I feel cheated when we barely have sex and he is getting off watching other women. Yes I do have a serious issue with that. It is pretty selfish.

  • flanagan

    I am gay and my bf doesn’t like me watching porn and we had discussed about this couple of times and I came to know he is not comfortable with it..

    I tried my best not to watch but failed both the times and it has been an addiction to me now to watch porn and I don’t think I have given more importance to porn than my partner.
    I am balancing both and today my bf have come to know that I am watching porn again and he’s really upset…I want to make my bf happy as I love him so so much and at the same time I couldn’t control my feelings of watching porn though I tried not to.

    friends, pls help me know if I am doing something wrong…really need your help….

  • aly

    Its is deffinetly cheating. Girls who try and say it’s normal are most likely desperate to be with someone that’s why they tell themselves its ok. They will even say well its not physical; but for a guy it doesn’t need to be physical for him to get off on another girl. If your man is dedicated and into YOU then your the one he’ll be sleeping with, of he’s not satisfied sexually but loves you enough to not physically cheat he’ll watch a girl who satisfies his needs just by looking. Remember if he’s not having sex with you but jacking off to another girl there IS a problem. Take a survey on how many guys have physically cheated that watch porn its VERY high. Chances are he’s probably already cheated on you but doesn’t want to get caught or get caught again and thinks you won’t leave him of hrs cheating on his head. If it’s physical or mental(porn) in the end he’s getting the same result and that’s getting off on a girl that isn’t you
    find someone who only wants to be with you, they will find crazy ways to please you and want to experience fun sex. Also if he doesn’t call you beautiful and sexy every day if he’s not affectionate and its always leaving you feeling unwanted by him LEAVE. It will hurt but in the end someone else will live with him doing those kinds of things and you’ll find someone to love you and not want anyone else. I am a relationship counselor and im telling you I ser how it ends up every time, stop with the warnings about porn and movies based around having sex,those guys will always only want that. And to be honest they never really care to see how much its tearing you apart inside, if he cared and loved you the no porn conversation would happen ONE time and never again because he’s respect you.

  • Hurt

    I think it matters. It is cheating if you would rather watch porn than be with your partner. I think that it is alright if you are wanting to be with your partner and they are unwilling.

  • Jeremy

    That’s ridiculous! To think that porn is cheating is dumb and ridiculous. And another thing I don’t understand is why women are sad when they get to know that men masturbate….

    About porn: it’s not cheating, because the person who’s watching porn is not building up any personal contact with the persons involved in that video. That explains it all. There’s really nothing to be added to that. It can’t in any way be considered cheating. Some might be upset about their love watching porn, but that still doesn’t mean they’re cheating on them.

    About men masturbating. Why are women so angry about that? First of all if a man doesn’t get sex with them for a while, so it’s that woman’s fault for the first part. And another thing is that men are from nature looking at other women. Men have to. It’s just in their nature. women can’t understand it, but while a normal woman wants to be with her “chosen” the guy will still look at other girls. No matter what girl or woman he’s with, he still is attracted to other women… Now if he’s cheating on his woman or not, that’s a different story. So my tip for women would be to understand that if a guy watches porn, instead of cheating you with someone else, then be glad about it, he needs to get it off somewhere, he needs variety, which he can never get in faithful marriage, unless he’s watching porn or something.

    I mean there are women who complain that their sex life in marriage is dying and that it’s men’s fault. No it’s not mans fault. It’s just that a man is put in a role in which he isn’t comfortable by nature. Trust me, if they’re accusing men for that, they can believe me, that 97% of those cases the man would be in sexual mood if he got a new girl every day. He would be filled with new energy.

    I guess I could write a book or at least a few really long chapters on that. I don’t want to go any deeper in that or else I’ll sit here whole night writing. I hope women can get a glimpse of how it is and that it really isn’t a bad thing if your boyfriend is watching porn, or time after time masturbating… Normally he would be cheating if he wasn’t. There are of course some ways to enriching sexual life and marriage, but men need to spread their seed in to as many women as they can, for the best chance for his bloodline to survive… It’s nature after all!

    • JUHA

      I am so glad that I am not with a man like you.

    • Merp

      You should probably look up the definition of “cheating” if one person in the relationship disagrees to it, and the other still does it then they are cheating.

  • Carol

    Porn and masturbation unfortunately started off my marriage. We enjoyed a good relationship, but I was not interested in porn – never needed it or liked it . My husband always has and no amount of explaining how I felt in this regard made any difference. It’s not so much the porn that’s harmful, but the indifference of a husband who would not, or could not consider how he was damaging and hurting his partner because this is how I’ve felt. Even when I tried looking at it from other points of view it still offended me. After 30 years of marriage nothing has changed… The offence I feel is personnal and relative to the person involved and that’s why I think that it’s best to end a relationship when something so basic is unacceptable. I’ve taken my marriage very seriously in all these years, but in the end – be true to yourself!!!!

  • San

    I don’t think it’s cheating BUT I would feel very disrespected. If he wants to do, I can’t force him not to watch it. But I don’t even wanna know about this! I would feel so bad if I know my bf was jacking off to some plastic giant tits. I would feel like I’m not good enough. Why does he watch porn when he has me? I admit I’m insecure. And I don’t have a “perfect” porn star body. And I would feel like shit if I know that my bf looks at this girl and think she’s the hottest, so what am I?

    • JUHA

      Thank you for saying this! That is EXACTLY how I feel.

  • pinkheart

    I wouldnt say its cheating but if you are just using it to get off and he isnt getting satisfied then maybe you need to concentrate on him more than looking at porn. You could always find a guy who looks like your bf and just say you imagine its him, maybe that would make the situation better.

    And like gurl says, its harmless and good to watch as a woman, unless you get addicted to it, so try not and let that happen. Some of the guys are really sexy and its easy to want to see more and more.

  • eeevol

    I don’t think it’s cheating at all.
    I get jealous when my boyfriend turns to porn if I don’t feel like pleasing him.
    So I try to please him anyways so he don’t watch porn. I like it when he fantasize over me
    and not some girl on the internet. LOL.

  • Amanda

    I watch porn and my husband used to but doesn’t anymore. I don’t mind it. I like it. Its nice to learn new things once in a while 😉

  • Emily

    I don’t want my boyfriend to watch porn and he doesn’t want me to watch porn. We are exclusive and so in love, and also have tremendous respect for each other. We aren’t over protective of each other either, like he has friends, a band, goes to band practice. I work on my school work and hangout with my family and do stuff I like just as he does. But.. isn’t your dude looking at another girl’s tits, vagina, and ass kind of like being at a topless bar? I’m sure he’s getting that “fantasy-feel”, huh? It’s pretty much the same thing – I’m not saying it is the same thing because clearly it is not. But there are similarities. So it’s all about fantasy, you say? HIS fantasy is other girls…? His fantasy is not YOU? In my fantasies, I wished for the perfect guy. And I got him. Me and him already talked about how there are going to be other people in this world who we think are attractive, cute, sexy, ect. But we love each other. And it would hurt him if I watched another guy having sex with some other girl. Just as it would, in all honesty, and I don’t think I’m being too sensitive here – it would hurt me if he looked at another girl having sex with some other guy. So we’ve found what works for our relationship and us as individuals – we don’t have to watch porn to get that “fantasy, dreamy, fantastical feeling.” We have each other for that.

    • Merp

      The difference about a titty bar is he isnt whipping his penis out and getting off on it where as porn he is. Regardless what kinda of porn it is A LOT of ametuers make porn he could see someone in person some day he use to masturbate to on a regular. How are we suppose to feel about that.

  • Anonymous13

    Another point is it’s not always guys. I’m a woman and secretly watch it once in awhile because my man is not adventurous at all. And I masturbate alot too…..it’s like I have guy tendencies in a woman’s body lol. But my man is much older so that is part of the problem also.