Should I Date A Player?

Hi Heather,

I have really liked the same guy almost my entire life. Lately, we have actually gotten really close and he has told me that he likes me too. The only problem is that all of my friends hate him and tell me he’s just going to use me. He is known for having “girl toys” (girls he uses just for hooking up and stuff) and I really don’t want to be one. On top of that, I know a girl who dated him and they didn’t end on good terms. I really like this guy, but I’m scared he will just use me and I don’t want to get hurt. What should I do? Should I date a player?

Normally I would tell you to never judge a book by it’s cover – in other words, don’t make a decision about someone based on what everyone else thinks or what he/she seems to be like. Judging someone on their reputation is never fair to anyone. However, in this case I’m going to have to adjust my advice a little bit.

Here’s the deal: it’s fine for you to give this guy a chance, but (and this is a big but), tread carefully. If you know for sure that this guy is a player who has, as you say, “girl toys,” then you need to watch out for yourself because it’s very possible that he might do the same thing to you. At the same time, it’s also possible that he’ll treat you differently. You never know what will happen – that’s why you need to decide for yourself and not let your friends make this decision for you.

It sounds like you really like this guy, so I think it’s worth giving this a shot… but only if you’re comfortable with it and you think you can handle it. Don’t agree to date him if you’re not going to trust him at all because then things will never work. In this situation, I think it’s best to take things slowly and get to know each other before you jump into anything serious. Be honest with him! Let him know how you feel about him, but also let him know that you’re aware of his reputation and while you want to give him a chance, you need to do so slowly.

You’ll be able to figure this out pretty quickly once you see his reaction to that. If he can respect that and treat you the way you want to be treated, then great! That shows that he cares about how you feel and likes you enough to do things differently. If he refuses to do this and just wants to jump into hooking up or whatever, then take that as a bad sign. That means that he only cares about what he wants and isn’t worth dating.

Just as a warning: if you decide to give him a chance, it might not be too easy. You’ll have to deal with your own self-doubt, first of all, but you’ll also have to deal with your friends and other people telling you that what you’re doing is stupid. You’ll need to learn to tune those people out and follow your heart. Only you know what’s right for you, so if you feel like he’s different and will treat you well, then date him. You don’t always have to listen to your friends. Besides, it is possible for people to change. Sometimes it’s worth it to give others the benefit of the doubt.

take care,
Heather

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Posted in: Help Me Heather, Love Advice
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