I Model And It Makes Me Feel Insecure Sometimes

I started modeling when I was a kid but really got involved with it when I was in high school. I did jobs here and there and eventually signed with a local agency. One of the first things I was told was that I needed to lose a few pounds, which was shocking to me because only a few months before was the first time I had weighed over a hundred pounds.

As someone who struggled to gain weight and was bullied for it, I refused. I knew that wasn’t healthy and didn’t want to be ridiculed for being even thinner.

Modeling is a hard industry, and it can really make you feel like crap about yourself. I won’t lie to you. I had so much fun on shoots and at fashion shows. I love modeling and if a job ever popped up, I would take it. But it takes a lot to mentally separate yourself from what’s happening.

This morning I read quote from Victoria’s Secret model Doutzen Kroes on Page Six. She said, “Sometimes it makes me feel guilty now that I am in this profession that makes certain girls insecure. I always say, I don’t look like the picture… If you put me in bad light with no hair and makeup, it’s not good… I wake up sometimes like, this is not what I see when I look at the magazine, who is this visitor in the bathroom?”

She’s getting a lot of flack for this comment, but I know exactly what she’s saying. I know Kroes is gorgeous in person sans makeup but being gorgeous doesn’t mean you’re without insecurities. It really sucks when you take a picture and it gets edited to the point where you can’t recognize yourself and you wish you looked like your Photoshopped doppelgänger. I don’t think she should feel guilty, but I think it says a lot about the industry that she does.

I’ll tell you a secret: models are not perfect. I know because I am one, and I am far from perfect. I’ve struggle with acne my entire life, my hair gets crazy and I have eczema. I’ve been backstage at many fashion shows, and I can tell you that models have blemishes and seriously damaged hair from over-styling. When you’re on a shoot or at a show, you are covered in makeup. And that can really wear on you.

I remember coming home from a fashion show and taking my makeup off. I had broken out really badly a few days before (yay hormones!) but had forgotten about it when I was on the runway. The second I looked in the mirror without makeup on, I felt awful. I had just duped all of these people who were watching that I was something that I wasn’t. Even worse, I had duped myself.

I got that feeling every time I took my makeup off after a shoot and every time I looked at an edited photograph. Just remember that next time you look in a magazine that the models are seeing the same images you are, and that image isn’t themselves.
What do you think about what Doutzen Kroes said? Do you think models get insecure? Do you think they should feel guilty? Tell us in the comments!

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  • Barbie

    i was really wanting to be a model and you opened up my eyes a little and im glad that you wrote this. you seem very nice

  • Ericka

    I actually feel better about myself knowing models AREN’T perfect just like EVERYBODY ELSE. I’m also glad she didn’t lose any weight and understood that it can cause some SERIOUS health problems.. So…THANK YOU SO MUCH