I’ve been dating my boyfriend for a while. We’ve had sex before and I’ve enjoyed it a lot… but whenever we’re together, he always wants to do it. I just don’t want to do it as much as him! I like to spend time with him in other ways as well. I tell him I don’t want to but he always pressures me into it. What should I do? I’m on the verge of ending the relationship.
To put it simple: this is not okay at all. No one should ever be pressuring you into having sex when you don’t want to. It doesn’t matter if he’s your boyfriend, it doesn’t matter if you guys have been dating for years and it doesn’t matter if you sometimes enjoy having sex with him. He should never be manipulating you into doing what he wants when you’re not in the mood.
I know this term sounds really serious and I don’t want to alarm you in any way, but what your boyfriend is doing could actually be considered sexual violence. Sexual violence is any kind of sexual activity where consent isn’t freely given and it refers to any time someone feels forced or manipulated into having sex. You didn’t specify exactly how your boyfriend is pressuring you into having sex, but whatever he’s doing or saying, it’s not acceptable.
I’d tell you to dump the dude right now, but to be fair, I’ll give you another option as well. That is, obviously, to talk to him about this in a stern and angry way. If you’re going to have this conversation with him, you need to be very firm and show him you mean business because he probably doesn’t think he’s doing anything wrong – in fact, he probably feels like you owe him sex since you’re his girlfriend. FYI? You don’t owe him anything. That’s not how relationships work.
Anyway, to talk to him, be stern and show him you’re angry. Tell him you’re sick of him pressuring you into sex and he has to stop or you’re breaking up with him. Let him know that you like having sex with him when you’re in the mood (if that’s true), but you don’t want to do it as often as him. Make sure he knows that you hate how he’s treating you when it comes to this. Emphasis how unfair this is and how he’s making you feel. Don’t let him interrupt you or ignore you.
If he rolls his eyes and acts like you’re being dramatic or blows off the conversation and keeps pressuring you into sex, get rid of him ASAP. A guy who does this kind of thing isn’t a guy who’s worth dating. It means he’s selfish, only cares about himself and getting his way and even hints at controlling, possessive behavior that may not be safe. If he won’t change, don’t let him make you feel like you’re doing the wrong thing, which he might. Don’t listen to him because, quite honestly, he sounds very manipulative.
You deserve someone who will never pressure you into anything, sexual or not. Please don’t take this situation lightly or let anyone try to explain it away by saying some variation of “boys and their hormones.” There are plenty of guys out there who won’t talk you into having sex knowing full well you don’t want to. Remember that.
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