From The Message Boards: My BF Thinks I’m Cheating, But I’m Not

When you’re in a relationship, fights happen. And unfortunately, sometimes trust comes into question. It sucks when your partner feels like they can’t trust you or you feel like you can’t trust them. But what if that person really doesn’t have a reason NOT to trust you?

This week on the message boards, y’all are talking about what to do if your partner thinks you’re cheating when you’re not:

3Becca said:
“Well maybe you could try to do something nice for him? Buy him a random gift, take him out somewhere, plan something fun just for the two of you and really show him how much he means to you. It’s what I would have done 🙂

I know it’s annoying but you can’t blame him for being afraid of losing you, he’s probably very insecure and maybe he feels like he doesn’t deserve you, that you’re so much better than he is.”

Love123 said:

“I agree with 3Becca. Do something sweet for him so he knows your thinking about him. Sit down to lunch or dinner or something with him and just talk to know about how you feel and how you have and never will cheat on him!”

MatildaLove said:
“His insecurity is no excuse. You need to have a real talk to him, express how much you love him, how you would never cheat on him. However, his accusations are affecting your relationship and that he needs to trust you for your relationship to last. He’s creating his own unhappiness, and he needs to reign it in before it ruins your relationship.”

SweetSahara said:
“I wouldn’t buy him a gift or do something special – if he’s that paranoid he will probably think that you feel bad about cheating or something like that.

You need to sit him down and have a heart to heart about this. It’s not going to just go away and he may not know how much it’s upsetting you.”

Oh boy, I know this situation all too well. One of my exes was always paranoid that I was going to cheat on him because he had cheated on one of his girlfriends before me. Logic, amirite? He never trusted me, and it put such a big strain on our relationship. When he accused me of cheating, it felt like he was doing so to protect his own cheating so I in turn didn’t trust him. It was a really big mess.

Honestly, if you’re not cheating and your partner doesn’t trust you when you tell them the truth, that’s not a good sign. Trust is one of the most important elements of a relationship. If your partner is constantly accusing you of cheating because of their own insecurities about the relationship, how are you supposed to convince them otherwise?

I would definitely not do something special or get your partner something as some girls suggested. It your partner’s paranoid mind, it’s going to make you look guilty, which is the opposite of what you want to achieve here. You just need to sit down with your partner and have a straight-forward talk with them. Explain that you’re not cheating and that they have nothing to worry about. If your partner still can’t trust you, then maybe you need to reevaluate the relationship and find someone who respects you enough to trust you.
 
Have you ever been accused of cheating when you weren’t? What did you do? Tell us in the comments!
 

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Posted in: Boards, Cheating
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  • Cecilia Palomares

    I have been going through it for an entire year. t finally came to a head and I told him to leave. We continued to see each other but every time he had a chance he would throw something like “I know what you did, I’m not stupid” or “they already told me the story”. This frustrated me so much, we would just argue. I have never cheated or even put myself in a situation that would compromise my relationship. So every time, which would be almost everyday, he would say these types of things, which I knew were not true because I literally go to work and come home and that is it Then he had me print out call logs, because he would tell me “i know this number, it called your cell phone and i know I have seen it on the house phone”. The number he is referring to is a wrong number, in return he called and harassed that poor guy and probably made trouble for him and his wife because that is how much he called him, he knew he had wife. It’s embarrassing and frustrating at the same time. His father has this problem and his brother are just like him. But his issue did not come in until around 7 years in our relationship. I love this guy but he ruined our relationship and he blames me for everything. I tried, over and over to tell him he is the only one and I have always been faithful but we always argue because he tells me stupid stuff like, I know you have someone else… I wish he would change but I know he will not. Our 9 year relationship is coming to an end and it breaks my heart.

  • Hannah Mejia

    On a daily basis i find myself trying to prove to my boyfriend that I am not cheating on him. I was cheating on for many years and that is the last thing that I would want in my life. Regardless of all the pain he has caused me I do love him I just don’r know how much pain I can take. I feel like eeryday I am going to have a panic attack b/c of the stress he causes me. But, I am also not a person who just gives up. If I give up and walk away then it looks like I am guilty.

    But, when he is doing this….is this how he truly feels or does he not want to be with me anymore and he is doing this to end it?

  • BLinG

    I never thought I would be looking for help on one of these stupid sites but I just dont know what else to do anymore. Im drained. I love my boyfriend, I have truly never felt a connection like this, like literally felt a connection. And he is so amazing. He is romantic and funny and just everything I could ever want. Except this, this stupid shit. He goes through my phone all the time, my email, my calls, he tracks my phone, he has a “watchdog” on my phone to see what I am doing. He will probably even find this post and it will start a fight but I dont care. I dont care that he goes through my stuff, honestly I would love it if he let me do the same, he has my passwords everything but he does not do that for me. Which whatever I can over look it except its outrageous. Like scary outrageous. Not only does he track my phone, I think he kind of stalks me, and honestly I still dont care. What I care about is that he claims hes seen me get in cars, sneak out at night, delete texts and calls, all kinds of shit that I have never done. The worst part is that every once in a while he apologizes. He says he sorry that he does it that he knows it strains our relationship that he knows he shouldnt but the next day he does it again. He never outright says he thinks im cheating and when i put it plain and simple like that he says thats not what he was saying and i look guilty bc thats what i thought. It doesnt matter how I respond he turns it against me. He claims my body language makes me seen guilty but I just feel like im constantly walking on eggshells. Anything I say can and will be used against me. It wouldnt be so bad accept that Im afraid to be away from him bc he thinks im doing other stuff while im at school or work or anything. If I go and talk to my mom about my family or her work or or tv or anything he thinks Im talking about him,if i talk to anyone without him right there he thinks im talking about him. I just dont know what to do, I try talking it gets turned against me, I try fighting it gets turned against me, I try ignoring it it gets turned against me. Its draining, I go to the bathroom in class and just cry and cry, I cry in the shower, I cry when hes asleep, if I cry in front of him it gets turned against me. Its hard not to think that he does it bc hes the one cheating but honestly I think he just needs help, like therapy or something. He says its because hes been cheated on so much but im not cheating and he swears I am and his ex that he claims cheated said he used an app to make it look like she was and I honestly kind of believe it. I dont want to, really I dont, but he does crazy shit like track my phone and go through all of my history and has an app that tells him what Im doing on my phone how could he not have done something like that? Im supposed to get my CNA soon and work as a nursing assistant and go to college, those things are stressful enough by themselves how am I supposed to do it with him acting like this? What happens if we get married and have kids and hes still like this? What could that do to a child? Like really, it messes with my head enough how couldnt it hurt a baby? I know its not healthy, I know I shouldnt put up with it. But.. I dont know I love him so much.. I just dont know anymore Im afraid I would kill myself before I would break up with him and I know that wouldnt make things better for him, then later on some girl might have to deal with the same thing a million times worse. None of it would be so bad if it didnt get turned agaisnt me everything I say, or if he wouldnt apologize and make it seem like he wants to change. It just hurts..

  • Natalie

    My partner of 10 years has now decided that i have been cheating on him the whole time…He has even gone to the extreme of putting a tracker on my phone and will not believe that i have not been to the places that this stupid tracker is saying i have been…. i am heartbroken but have no alternative then to end the relationship as his behaviour and accusations are getting wilder by the minute.

  • shelly

    I have never had a boyfriend wrongly accuse me of cheating who was not himself a cheater. I am not a cheater and I am not jealous…so they usually have enough room and freedom to hang themselves. The truth is that they are projecting what they would do in the situation if it were them. Most recently the person who wronged me actually used the excuse that they were suspicious of me and didnt think I was the serious one in the relationship as an excuse for their cheating!?!? I am not saying your partner is a cheater but be very suspicious of someone who does this to you. I have decided it is a way to make themselves feel better or justify their actions.

  • Philip Lynn

    I have always be praying for a day i will see myself happy again with my husband but this unforgettable Dr Lababa has make the impossible possible in my home. He told me the simple truth that all that will be needed to my request granted will cost, i noticed he was not like others that ask money for items, for parcel and many more. The main reason i was confident about this will work is the things my co-work told me about DR LABABA. So i obeyed him and he gave me the assurance that all my problems are be over within 72hours, to my greatest surprise my husband that hardly talk to me or sleep the house bought me a car as a way to apologies for his wrong doings. All i can just tell anybody reading this is to stop paying money on daily basis to someone that have not given any evidence of hope and contact this DR LABABA on lababasolutiontemple@gmail.com

  • Josie

    I been with my boyfriend 1 year and 2 months its hard for him to trust me because we both cheated on eatch other and it hurts me a lot because IDK what I was thinking!!! But I learned my lesson so yeah but he doesn’t trust me and Ik it’s my fault but I all ways try to prove to him that I’m not I screenshot everything for him Now And I really want him to trust me again and I really love him I love him to death what do u think I should do so I can show him that I’m not doing the same stuff!!!

  • Lynn

    I just read lynn’s post of 3 months ago and boy did I find a kindred soul. I have been married for 30+ years and have been very happy up until now. Out of the blue, for no real reasons or signs or anything I’ve done, my hubby accused me of cheating. Then he produced a recording he has on our computer he made putting our video camera in our bedroom. He says he can hear noises on there that he KNOWS for sure is me having relations with another man. I have went over and over and over this recording myself trying to hear what he is hearing and I have no idea what the noises are that he is hearing, but to me, they are general noises that could be anything. I did not cheat nor have I ever given him a reason to suspect me of cheating. He says it started when he would lay down on our bed and he smelled other scents that were not him (I can’t smell anything other than his smell or mine). Our son who lives with us has even told him he’s wrong as he was home and awake when this recording was made. Our son also listened to the recording and couldn’t hear what my hubby heard. Hubby wants to spend money to get the tape analyzed and says he will not be happy until this is done. He hasn’t worked in 3 weeks and I only work part-time so we cannot really afford it. So, we are in limbo right now. We still love each other and have been talking it through and will stay with each other no matter what. But there is so much tension that until he is convinced, I live in h*ll. I would never have accused him with such flimsy evidence as he has. I’m just miserable for now and need to vent. Trust me when I say after we have that recording analyzed (because I want to get it done more so than he does), he is going to the doctor because I think he has insecurities due to low T before permanent reconciliation happens. Anyone out there who has ever had this same situation? I’d love to hear your thoughts…….

  • Felicia

    My bf always tells me when I’m checking my email or Facebook, “what did your (other) boyfriend send you today?” I laugh and tell him nothing because I don’t have any other boyfriend. But he always says it or he stares at me when I am on my phone.

  • Anna

    My boyfriend and I have been together 2 1/2 years. Have never had any issues. Have had maybe two serious arguments in our whole 2 1/2 years of being together… The past year I have been living with him and his family. We always have such an amazing time together, even living there. Always laughing, and tickling me. Literally feels like we are teenagers when we are together.
    Anyways, We were parked at the shop with a couple of his friends and I was bored so asked if I could go on Facebook on his phone to pass the time… Never thought anything of it. I always did that. He and I are totally fine with sharing each other’s phones and passwords, and I text everyone for him a majority of the time so it wasn’t anything odd for me to be sitting on his phone. We’ve never had any trust issues. Well, so I thought…
    So I’m scrolling, and see a funny link that said something about “16 most hilarious sex positions to never do while staying at your parents” or something along those lines. Not even thinking, I clicked it, and it took me to his web browser where he had already had 16 pages open and I wouldn’t let me open the page without closing one of the previous ones… and the last page that had been viewed had in big black letters on the top of the page, “Signs to tell if your girlfriend is cheating” – I immediately dropped the phone in my lap and put my hand over my mouth holding back tears… I told him that we needed to leave (not to make a scene in front of his friends) and as we pulled away, I asked him what it was as I handed him his phone… He acted confused, like he had no idea. I started bawling like a baby just from the thought of him thinking that I’d ever do such a thing… He is still adamant that it was just a link he saw on something on Facebook to pass the time at work. I don’t understand how that could be an interesting read while sitting at work…
    It’s hard because his previous girlfriend cheated on him with his best friend about six months before he and I got together. He went threw a huge drinking binge, and then we started seeing each other… They had been together for three years and it was obviously hard on him. Of course it was. It would be heart breaking for anybody ! – but I’m not his ex, and she’s completely out of the picture… I’ve never even thought of being with anyone else in my life. He was my first boyfriend, first kiss, first time. He has everything I could possibly give and the thought of him not trusting me, and thinking the past will repeat itself with me, is absolutely heartbreaking. He still says it was just a silly thing he seen, but that’s not just a silly link you click on for no reason, and it’s not a joke. If for any reason you have a reason to think something is up, don’t go playing detective ONLINE for answers. That’s probably the absolute worst possible thing to do in a situation like that, especially with the past he has had with his previous gf. Tried to get an honest answer out of him, but when he told me for the third time that it was nothing, I left it. I don’t want to bring up the past, because the past is the past. But that shxt hurts when you’ve been together for over two years.

  • BBRose

    My boyfriend has always somewhat not trusted me, do to what some of his friends have falsely accused me of. He still made the choice to pursue me. We ended up making it official not long after we met. Almost every time we are together he finds a way to get mad at me for something. It’s mostly because he thinks I’m texting other fellas. Going to be 100% honest here, I was. But it was one of my co workers asking me to cover his shift. He had nothing to worry about…. He didn’t even look at who I was talking to he just saw me on my phone and immediately thought the worst! Currently he has ignored me all yesterday and seems as though the same thing is going to happen today. I miss read one of his text messages and that resulted into him getting angry and thinking I’m talking to other guys. It’s getting really old and I’m tired of this nonsense. I think I’m going to give him all the space he needs and if he can really go a week without talking to me then I’m going to call it quits and wait for someone else to come along. Because to me if you can really go a week without any contact to your girlfriend by your choice of course. Then you don’t care about her, and that’s your attention is somewhere it shouldn’t be…

  • Elizabeth

    My boyfriend doesn’t trust me because of my past, I’ve never cheated on him or wronged him but he just never trusts me and accuses me of doing things I’m not, and he sounds so convinced it’s crazy, we were doing great the other day then thirty minutes later he was acting cold to me the next day he accused me of cheating on him and I said to him where is this coming from, I’m not doing anything to wrong you, and all he said is I’m not making it up but he won’t explain where this accusation is coming from, I barely even go out or hangout with my friends anymore, I text him all the time I don’t talk to other guys not even on Facebook, he doesn’t trust me amongst my friends that I’ve had for years, he’s always been kind if controlling it just really bothers me that he so convinced of this I don’t know what to do!!

    • BAE☮✿❤♫

      finally someone who understands….. i am going through the same thing

  • Anonymous

    My boyfreind thinks im cheating on him and he is far away from me he came 2 visit me 1day and i tald him im out of town he get mad at me and from that have been trying 2 call him he is not answering i even try 2 text him he refuse 2 text me back 1day he text me telling me that he is nt stupid im cheating on him and i should live him alone

  • zanel musandiwa

    my boy friend is accusing me,i dnt knw wat 2 do cauz i realy love him,and he ment every single things 2 me

    • Rosabelle Moscozo

      Hi my name is rosabelle and I’m in the same situation and it gets old and you constantly have to reassure him over and over it gets draining and it gets old but I love him and I just don’t know where he gets his info from I said I don’t cheat on you because I am loyal and respect our relationship.what I think is they have cheated so in order to justify there behavior and make theirselves feel better they do that .guilty conscience and when he accuses me I tell him where is your actual proof that I did this never has it because their isn’t any because I haven’t cheated on him .

  • melissa

    iv been acused of cheating an dd nt tak it serious but after it was starting to eritate me i thougt if the relationship is ment to be it will cm tru bt wen it ddnt i stoped it couse it was nt ment to be!

  • Sasha

    I’m dealing with this right now and its draining… Please help. I treat him like a king every day…please help

  • H.U

    My husband and I have been together for 15 yrs this yr. Married for 10 of those years. He is and always will be the love of my life. He is my best friend and really my only friend. We have 4 awesome children together ages 5 mnths-12yrs.
    Things have been up and down for awhile but we are strong and love each other so manage to pull through better and worse. We went through a lot of mental abuse I guess on both arts. He was jealous of all of my friends and told me to choose between them or him. I chose him always. About 4 years ago I made the mistake of talking to a few people about their relationships and got to involved with them. Not physically but I guess emotionally. Well it destroyed the trust even though I promised never to do this again. We had a huge fight and I left. I moved out of state thinking maybe we where better apart. Instead it was the opposite. We emailed daily, we talked all the time and texted just about every few minutes. We both concentrated on work and the kids. Well we both found ourselves involved with someone else within 6 mnths. Neither of us ever felt the relationships where real.
    Well My Husband moved to the state I moved to and we eventually broke it off with our rebounds and got back together. We where so happy, it was like we where in high school again. Well then.. I realized he still didn’t trust me when he accused me of cheating on him with people I have either never met or would never be with. I have found that he talks to many girls or hangs out with them and doesn’t tell me. Some of these girls want to sleep with him and some claim they have. I have given up all friends, all of my social network sites are closed down, I don’t leave the house unless I am with him or the kids. We have a 5 mnth old and she really never sleeps she is always with me. We live in the basement currently of someone else’s house. Its one level about the size of a huge trailer. One door has a chain on it so it cant be used. We have no view of the streets outside as the windows are mini and under ground really.The door going upstairs and outside has a security noise on it when its opened and the people that live upstairs are home most of the time and will tell him they haven’t seen me all day because I stay down stairs. I have never gone anywhere to meet anyone or make friends in this town. Are children know im faithful and can see how much I love him. They know I stay to myself, I listen to what my husband says no matter what. Even when all 4 kids are home he accuses me of doing wrong. I don’t want to be cheated on and I am not cheating. I am so in love with my husband I listen to everything he asks me to do even extreme requests. He started accusing me of doing drugs last yr as well. I don’t smoke or drink and take no medications. I have taken many drug tests for him and all are negative. I don’t know what else I can do to help him see I am faithful and love him an cant stand the thought of being with anyone else. I et sad when he leaves for long work days and get excited when he comes home. My heart beats so fast when he’s near me or when I talk to him on the phone. He truly is my one and only and I want to grow old with him. My question is how can I get trust back?

    • TL

      @H.U – I felt a great sadness for you reading your post. That is not what love is suppose to be. This man doesn’t love you, he is controlling you. You sound like a prisoner and it’s no life to live. Is this the life you would want for your daughters? Is this how you would want your sons to treat their women? They learn by what they live and see.. This is not a normal/healthy relationship and you deserve so much better. You can’t make someone trust you sadly. You need to live life the way it will make you happy and he will need to decide if he can trust you or not. You jump through hoops for this man, he demands things because he knows he can and nothing YOU do now will make him trust you. He needs to come to that on his own.

      AFM. My BF recently accused me of cheating on him. He was out with some family and friends at a get together and got talking to a guy that was saying how he has been talking to a women online. The more he talked the more it sounded like me. This guy said this girl had the same number of kids as me and that she worked where I worked. Was dating a man in the same profession as my BF. I know he’s an insecure man but I was so hurt and angry that he believed some random stranger over me. He made arrangements to meet up with this guy and look at the messages they had between them. He then realized the guy had a totally different person, that worked at a totally different company than I work. It’s only been 2 days since it happened and I’m still so mad and hurt. He’s a great man, treats me so well and every other aspect of our relationship is healthy and happy. He just lacks confidence in himself. His ex, the mother of his kid, cheated on him. It’s been 5 years but this is the most serious relationship he’s had since then so we are facing a lot of first for both of us but I don’t know if I can live and be truly happy in a relationship without trust. I understand doubt and insecurity. I can deal with him questioning me about it, talking to me, these sorts of things.. but he believed this man before he believed me. He didn’t need proof that I did it.. he needed proof that I didnt and that hurts. I’m still not sure what this means for me. I am not ready to walk out of a great relationship with a man that adores me, that supports me and thinks I’m an amazing woman and mother… but this is a concern. He’s had worries before that he’s not good enough for me or that I’m going to go after someone else but this is the first time he’s accused me of something.. It feels different and it hurts differently.