Earlier today, a friend sent me a very funny text message and, long story short, it made me think about how much it sucks to sit around and wait for your crush (or the person you just started dating) to text you back. I don’t want to offend anyone or downplay real and legitimate torture, but for real, I think waiting around for an answer you care about might be a small form of torture.
Then my boss started pointing out other things that are horrible and should totally be considered torture and so… that’s how this list happened. Some of the things we have to deal with every day are the absolute worst and getting through them is hard. Very, very hard. There are 15 things I can think of that should be considered torture. I think you’ll agree.
Waiting for your crush to text or call you back.
Even worse is when you get a text and you’re like, “OMG FINALLY” and then it’s your friend, not your crush, and you’re like, “GOD, Karen, why the eff are you texting me right now?!?!”
When your delicious snack gets stuck in the vending machine and won’t come out.
All you want to do is eat something yummy! Why, world, why?
When you don’t know a slang word everyone uses and you have to secretly Google it and hope no one ever finds out you didn’t know what it meant.
True story: this one was my boss’s idea because last week she asked Caitlin Corsetti, Ashley Reese and I: “What does ‘basic’ mean?” And another time she said, “What is a molly?” Now I have to go in case she fires me for making this public, bye.
Getting waxed. Anywhere.
No, seriously. Everyone should be insanely impressed at the women who suck it up and get their business waxed.
Going to the gyno and having two strangers stare at your vagina then stick a metal speculum in it.
As if being a girl weren’t hard enough, THIS happens.
Dealing with a UTI.
You have to pee. You try to pee. You can’t. You go back to bed. Everything burns. You have to pee again. You try. The tiniest bit comes out. It hurts. You still have to pee. And repeat.
Being the bigger, more mature person when someone you hate is being a total jerk.
You just want to flip out on this person but YOU CAN’T and it makes you feel CRAZY.
When you get dumped when you’re still in love with the person.
Admitting you’re wrong after you just spent a straight hour convincing everyone you’re right about something.
You should have just listened to that tiny voice in your head saying, “Maybe you’re wrong” instead of being so freaking stubborn.
Being forced to hang out with your ex and his new girlfriend.
Why is life so cruel?
When you try to buy concert tickets that go on sale at 12 noon and they’re completely sold out by 12:01.
I just feel like, enough said. Public speaking is the worst.
When you’re excited about something and then your parents shoot you down.
Why do they want you to be miserable?
Blow-drying your hair.
Who actually enjoys this horrible task? Especially when it takes at least a half-hour, like mine does.
Waking up and thinking you have more time to sleep but actually your alarm is about to go off in five minutes.
Which of these things do you think is the worst? What other things did I forget to add that should be considered torture? Tell me in the comments.