Ask A Guy: Do Guys Care About Their First Time Having Sex?

Dear Ethan,

I’m just wondering – does a guy’s first time having sex matter much to him? For a girl, their first time means so much. Although girls move on and eventually date other guys, their first time always means something special. Is it the same with guys? Do they even care?

Guys may talk and think about sex quite differently from the ways girls do, but that’s not to say guys don’t care about their first time – we do!

To begin with, fears of STDs and pregnancy – not to mention all of the awkward mechanics of sex – can stress out any guy or girl. Virtually no guy is immune to nervousness (which generally either means that a lady’s experience with a first-timer will either fly by… or feel like a lifetime).

It seems that the male-female difference, however, is that women generally tend to place more importance on the “meaning” behind losing one’s virginity, whereas men tend to focus more on when, where and with whom the sex takes place. Unfortunately, male networks often reward and praise fellow men for “getting laid” as soon as possible, while the opposite often seems true for females. (There are plenty of exceptions, of course – most religious people, for example, are highly sensitive to the circumstances of their first time no matter what their gender.)

Further generalization will only get me into trouble, but I can tell you that I, for one, cared a ton about — and was somewhat terrified of– my initiation to “the club”. Personally, I felt it was important that I was mature enough to handle the potential consequences of sex and that it was with someone I knew very well. I waited until I was 18 to give it a shot with a long-term girlfriend (though despite preferential conditions, it was still anything but a smooth process).

Ultimately, what’s most important is that you share your first time with someone who feels the same way about sex as you do – or at the very least, fully respects your perspective and wishes. Waiting for someone whom you can relate to on this level will not only provide a much better experience for both of you, but an experience that will likely set you on the path to healthy, responsible sex for the rest of your life.

Good luck!

Ethan Fixell is a writer and comedian from New York City best known as one half of comic “dating coach” duo Dave and Ethan. He is also the creator and editor of For more on Ethan, visit…or call his mom, Robin.

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Posted in: Ask A Guy, Love Advice
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  • jimkaby

    there’s a question someone wanted to know if guys care about their first. some don’t even remember their 1st time.i am a guy, 26 years old, I have no idea where or whom I first had sex with. Same as my two friends, another friend of ours remembers real. so for I really don’t remember because it was my college freshman yr, had sex regularly

  • anushka

    According to me the best birthday gift for a boyfriend can be just book a hotel room and decorate it with flowers, candles n baloons and surprize him.

  • thomas

    no i care about the last one