From The Message Boards: Help This Guy Out!

We’re all about helping all you girls out there, but occasionally we like to help the dudes out too. Sometimes they need a little perspective from our side of things, and we’re happy to oblige! Plenty of you know how much it sucks to like someone who’s unavailable. Guys go through the same thing!

This week on the message boards, we’re trying to help out a guy who likes an unavailable girl. Let’s see if we can give him some advice!

Jamessy said:

“So, basically, I’m 17, almost 18, and there’s this girl I like. I’ve known her since I was like 4, but I hadn’t seen her in years. I saw her about a week ago when my family visited theirs for something, and I saw that she has all grown up. She used to be like this little sister to me, but now she’s like a grown woman. I’ve fallen for her, but she has a boyfriend.

I know that makes me sound kind of like a douche, but we both love all the same music, movies and stuff. We were talking for hours that day in their garden together, and we had some deep convos. From what I’ve gathered, she doesn’t seem to like her BF that much anymore, and I saw some of his photos on Facebook, and she’s in barely any of them. It’s always him with other girls hugging him and stuff. I reckon hes cheating on her, but I don’t want to say it to her and ruin my chances, but I don’t know what to do? Help? Should I do nothing, or should I try something or what? I really want to go out with her, and I would treat her properly, but I don’t want to cause any problems with her and her current BF..Help me please.”

S0Exciited said:

“What makes you think he’s cheating on her? You really aren’t in a place to judge their relationship or make any assumptions about it. I always try to give good advice so I will start with this: you really shouldn’t try to interfere. Morally speaking, it’s not right. You wouldn’t want some guy stepping on your toes, would you? If you insist on pursuing her, then do not dog her boyfriend out in an effort to make yourself look better.”

female_devil said:

“Don’t interfere. You could ruin your friendship with her if you accuse her BF of cheating. If you like her, wait until she’s single. If you can’t wait, however long, move on.”

tinyxtrickster said:

“I really wouldn’t tell her that he is cheating or know that he is cheating without being able to prove it. This doesn’t mean to go out searching for anything. If she isn’t into the relationship anymore, then she will end it at her own time when she is ready. As for you, I would stay a really good friend for right now. Continue to be there for her. If she does break it off with her boyfriend, don’t try to just bounce on the chance to be with her. You will become a rebound and that will just suck. If she likes you, then it will all play out in time.”

I would tell this guy what I would tell any girl: don’t pursue until they are available. Most guys I know who have been in this situation think that they’re “rescuing” the girl from a bad relationship. But it doesn’t work that way. We don’t see you as someone who saved us. We see you as a comfort.

I’m not saying that you and this girl don’t have a chance at some point. But right now, she’s leaning on you and getting things from you that she’s not getting from her boyfriend, which isn’t fair to either party. I did this with one of my best guy friends when I was in a rough patch with my college boyfriend. I got all of my emotional support from my guy BFF and everything else from my BF. It was a mess. Don’t let that happen to you.

And don’t meddle! Whether she’s having trouble in her relationship or not, it’s not your place to interfere. All you can do is be there as her friend. If she expresses feelings for you, then you need to let her know that you’re not willing to do anything until she is out of this relationship and has had time to heal. You don’t want to risk becoming a rebound either.
Have you ever liked someone who was unavailable? What happened? Tell us in the comments!

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  • Unknown

    Hi this is kind of a strange story and You may think I’m lame or something, but I have a crush on a girl over the Internet…I know I said it was lame, me and her are pretty good friends but for a while now I have secretly had a crush on her or what I believe to be a crush. She was recently feeling unhappy about something, and to kind of hint that I care about her I told her, if you need someone to talk to I’m here for you. she eventually messaged me and told me she broke up with her boyfriend, now it may make me seem like kind of a bad person but inside I was like YESSS now I might have a chance with her, but at the same time I did feel incredibly sorry for her and I feel bad for even thinking what I thought. anyway it turns out she dumped her real life boyfriend for an online friend who she’d known for years, she said her online friend felt more like a boyfriend than her real life one and she loved him more, so she dumped him. at the moment she told me she fell for another man, any hopes and dreams I had of being with her were crushed, but I continued to talk to her and comfort her anyway, she was feeling bad about dumping her old boyfriend for someone else. anyway that is pretty much it sorry for the long message, I just needed some advice and if you could reply to this, I would be thankful.

  • unknown

    Hi theres this girl that I know,she is in a relationship currently and I don’t want to ruin that but I have a crush on her and I don’t know if I’m in the friendzone or not..I think she likes me although she loves her boyfriend..I don’t want to ask her if she likes me because it’ll make our friendship akward..what should I do??

  • always-hungry

    Awww thats so cute 🙂 i wouldn’t worry if I were you. I think you should definitely tell her how you feel. She’ll understand! Girls love to be admired anyway so what have you got to lose?! You never know, she might secretly like you too. Just be honest about your feelings but don’t be too pushy. Respect that she’s in a relationship and remember if it’s meant to happen, it will! ;D