You know what I love? All these articles all over the internet about great songs to hook up to. And I don’t love them for the reason you might believe: I love how awful some of their selections are. Sure, some are great. I think that The XX have some great sexy slow-down indie tunes and there are some classic Usher songs that make you want to fan yourself.
But so many others are just so horrifically cringe worthy to imagine having sex to. Come on, now. Just because a song is sweet or about sex or makes you think about sweet sex doesn’t mean you should actually have sex to it.
Here are 10 awful songs to hook up to, no matter what anyone says.
“Sex On Fire” by Kings Of Leon
I have no idea why this song lands on so many hook up playlists. This song reminds me of one thing: The fiery burn of an STD. Not sexy.
“Wild Horses” by The Sundays
Ugh, this just reminds me of that creepy scene from Fear when Mark Wahlberg, er, pleasures Reese Witherspoon on a roller coaster. Ruined forever.
“You’re Beautiful” by James Blunt
This song is insufferable enough to listen to in everyday life. Why would you want to subject yourself to it once you’re having sex?
“Pony” by Genuwine
People get too hype to this song and I think that this would just end up messy in more ways than one. Avoid at all costs.
“Let’s Get It On” by Marvin Gaye
Look, this song is awesome and endlessly sweet. But honestly, it’s a little too ambitious for strictly sexy shenanigans. Not to mention the fact that it is so cliche to play this during a hook up that you’ll have to seriously start questioning your partner’s tolerance for cheesiness, not to mention your taste.
“Blurred Lines” by Robin Thicke.
“I Would Do Anything For Love” by Meatloaf
“But I won’t do that.” Too hilariously ambiguous to actually have sex to. Whatchu talkin’ about, Meatloaf? (Anal?)
“Lady Marmelade” by Patti LaBelle
Awesome song, Patti is a queen, but I think this song is about prostitution. I mean, if you’re into role playing, I’m not going to stop you, but…
“Closer” by Nine Inch Nails (NSFW)
I get that this song has sexy vibes because, uh I don’ t know, I guess breathlessly singing about rough sex with some industrial music beats in the background is sexy. But to actually have sex to this song seems a little much. I get uncomfortable enough listening to it alone.
“2 Become 1″ by Spice Girls
The cheese factor is just through the roof with this one. I love my Spice Girls but if somebody ever tried to seduce me to this song I think that my vagina would shrivel up. It’s nice that the song includes a great reminder about safe sex but that’s not enough to save it.
What are some other awful hookup songs that people generally think are super sexy? Which of these songs do you think would be great to hook up to? Tell us in the comments!