A few years ago, I broke up with an ex and spent the next three years living the single life. During that time, I watched a lot of friends come and go – mainly, they went because they entered new relationships and suddenly didn’t have time for anyone else anymore. I was constantly furious about these friends. I didn’t understand how they could ditch their best friends for a guy. A stupid guy! I swore that I when I had a boyfriend, he would never be my number one priority. I wouldn’t be that girl.
Then… I got a boyfriend. And I started to understand why my friends had given their relationships so much importance. You sort of have to.
At first, I tried to give my relationship, my friends and my job equal importance. But then my boyfriend and I broke up because I was pushing him away. When we decided to give things a second chance, I knew I had to make a change, so I did. I’m not saying that you should ditch your friends to be with your BF 24/7 – you should obviously have a life outside of your relationship. I’m just saying that sometimes, you do need to make your relationship a priority… and that’s okay.
When I had to do it, I felt incredibly guilty. Most of my single friends didn’t really understand. But three years later, I have a great boyfriend and I still have (most of) my friends. So, it worked out! I never thought I would be defending this, but here are 7 reasons it’s okay to make your relationship a priority sometimes:
Relationships Take WorkNo matter how much you love your significant other, the truth is, all relationships take time and commitment. You can't expect a relationship to work perfectly if you're not willing to invest some serious time into it. When my BF and I got back together, I knew that I had to try hard to make sure things got better - and that meant giving him a little more attention than everyone else for a little while. A relationship is a huge part of your life, so naturally, it's going to take up a lot of your time! Source: ShutterStock
Every Couple Goes Through An Adjustment PeriodMost long-term relationships start off with the couple going through a honeymoon phase where they can't get enough of each other. Eventually, this phase ends and things stop being so obsessive. It's natural for you to spend a lot of time with your new BF. Things are exciting and different and you guys are really into each other. It happens to everyone and is nothing to feel badly about. Eventually, you guys will get to a point in your relationship where you don't need to see each other so much. Let yourselves have a honeymoon phase. It's an important part of bonding. Source: ShutterStock
Your BF Should Be Your BFFIn a good relationship, your boyfriend needs to also be your best friend. If he's not one of your best friends, then he's basically someone you keep around to hook up with, right? That's the difference between something casual and something long-term - the closeness and intimacy. Sometimes achieving that means not being as close to your best girl friends for a little bit. This doesn't mean you should replace your besties - you definitely shouldn't - it just means that you need to learn how to make room for everyone. Source: ShutterStock
You Can't Keep Acting Like You're SingleYou can't try to hold onto your single life while you're in a relationship. Either you're committed to someone or you're not, you need to decide. At first in my relationship, I tried to sometimes like I was still single by doing whatever I wanted without caring what my BF thought (not cheating, though). This obviously didn't work. A relationship is about compromise. Sometimes you have to make sacrifices for your BF, just like he has to make sacrifices for you. Source: ShutterStock
You Need Time For Yourself TooWhen I got into a relationship after being single for so long, I realized that one of the reasons your coupled up friends aren't around as often is because not only do they need to make time for their SO's - they also need to make time for themselves. When I was first with my BF, I was working so hard to be with him and my friends equally that I had zero time for me. It was exhausting! When you're single, you have all the time in the world for you and your friends. But when you're in a relationship, things are just different. You suddenly need to divide your time between yourself, your friends and your boyfriend. It's harder than it seems! Source: ShutterStock
You Need To Focus On What Makes You HappyThe most important thing is that you need to think about YOU. Before my BF and I broke up and then got back together again, I was more worried about making my friends happy than making myself happy. I remembered how terrible and disposable some of my friends had made me feel when they got BFs and I didn't want to make anyone feel that way. But I was so worried about whether or not they were going to get mad at me that I didn't think about what was making me happy. I later discovered that I was sometimes happier having a quiet date night with my BF over having a wild night out with my girls. It sounds selfish, but you need to think about you first. Source: ShutterStock
Our Priorities Are Always Going To Be ChangingThe fact of the matter is this: our priorities are always going to be changing throughout our lives. Sometimes our friends will be at the top of the list. Sometimes our job will be. Sometimes our significant other will be there. Things change! It happens. It's just the way life goes. Don't feel guilty about it - your friends might be mad you're hanging with your BF now, but they will probably do the same thing in a year or two. Maybe even sooner. Source: ShutterStock
Have you ever felt guilty about making your relationship a priority? Do you agree or disagree with me? Tell me in the comments!