I Had A Dream About My Best Friend – Does That Mean I’m A Lesbian?

Hi Heather,

I am a girl and I’m straight, or at least I have way too much fun with boys. I have never looked at a girl and thought anything more than, “Oh, she’s pretty.” But the other night, I had a, um, sexy dream about my best friend (who is a girl and is also straight). In my dream, we were in her room and doing things that straight girls don’t do with each other and now I’m totally confused. Does my dream mean that I’m a lesbian? Does it mean I should experiment with a girl? And should I tell my best friend about it?

Dreams can be pretty crazy sometimes! While some people remain convinced that dreams are a window into your subconscious or that they send you messages you should take seriously, I personally feel like dreams are just a collection of things you’ve been thinking about during the day (or the last few days) or random things you’re thinking about in your sleep. So would I worry too much about a sex dream about someone unexpected? I don’t think so.

What I’m basically saying is that having a dream about your female best friend doesn’t mean you’re a lesbian. I bet if you asked around, everyone would admit to having at least one completely random sex dream during their life. Just because you’re dreaming about getting down and dirty with someone doesn’t mean you have to or that you secretly want to. Dreams are just a collection of thoughts and sometimes those thoughts get mixed up and and produce strange results. It would be cool if they were a window to our soul or something like that, but I’m pretty sure they don’t work that way.

There’s no reason to assume that one dream about having sex with a girl automatically means you’re a lesbian. There’s a lot more to it than that! If you’re seriously questioning your sexuality, ask yourself these questions: are you regularly attracted to other girls? Does thinking about doing sexual things with other girls turn you on? Would you rather hook up with a guy or a girl? Could you see yourself with a woman in the future? You said you’ve never thought about other girls in that way before – so that sounds like a pretty clear indication that you’ve never questioned your sexuality until now.

Consider those questions above, but I think it’s safe to say that you’re a heterosexual girl who just had a random dream about hooking up with her BFF. There’s nothing wrong with that and you shouldn’t feel like you’re strange or anything. However, I don’t know you and I’m not you (obviously), so I can’t say for sure. If you want to experiment with other girls, go ahead, but don’t force yourself to do that. If you have the urge to try it out, then do so! If you’re just going to do it just to “make sure” you’re not gay, then don’t.

Lastly, I don’t think it’s necessary to fill your bestie in on this particular dream. Unless you guys are really candid about this sort of thing, it could get a little awkward. Tell her if you want to (because it’s really no big deal), but don’t feel like you have an obligation to.

take care,

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Posted in: Help Me Heather, Love Advice
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  • paul

    can we have some details about the dream ?

    • Mandy

      WTF??? Why?! That’s disturbing and even though it was just a dream, you don’t go around asking people about their sex lives. You just don’t!

  • orangenarwhalgurl

    Okay, I agree with Heather and with everyone who is saying that this dream doesn’t determine your sexuality. That’s true. But I have a bit of a different opinion on dreams. I am personally fascinated by dreams and the unconscious, and I strongly believe that dreams are not “just a collection of thoughts,” but important messages from your unconscious mind that contain symbols, which can help you figure out your own mind. That’s not to say that your dream means you actually want to have sex with your friend! Sex in dreams can represent intimate relationships that sometimes have nothing to do with sexual relationships whatsoever. Do you want to feel closer to your friend? Have you recently shared a secret with her that created a stronger bond between you two? Maybe your desire for more intimacy and closeness in your friendship materialized as sex in your dream. I’m straight and I’ve had romantic/sexual dreams about guys and girls, but outside of dreaming I’m not attracted to girls. Don’t feel too puzzled by your dreams, but don’t ignore them either! Dreams are awesome!

  • franny

    Sammy Jo Gyllenskog

  • Brianna Leahy

    Sooooo, I technically am bisexual, because while I am hitting on a girl, I can be attracted to guys. What I think, or what I noticed with three out of my four friends, is that there are a lot of bisexual girls. But at the same time, many girls are using bisexuality as a stepping stone to come out as full blown lesbians. I am bisexual, leaning towards lesbian, and I am less and less attracted to guys every day. This is also what my friends say happened to them.

  • jane

    I once had this dream that my very firstkiss was with a girl. In my dream, there was this girl j was sort of friends with. She had problemsand she was kind of bittersweet. Sometimes i liked her, somegimes i was terrified of her. I walked up to my gateand she was there and she just kissed me. Then i woke up.
    the next day i couldnt stop thinking about thag dream. I am sk glax the girl in the dream wasnt a real person, because i would never have been able to look at her the same way again. Iworried that maybe it meant i was a lesbian, but then i looked ag my crush (who is a guy) and he made my heart beag sk much faster and he reminded mekf why i like him. So i just told myself that whatever hapoens, i like guys. And i somehow (i have no clue how) i managed to put it out of my mind.
    littleredwolf: i think the only reason people insist on trying to label unlabelable things is because its so much more simple to just say “im gay” or “im straight” than go into a complicated explanation of who you like in what way.

    • LittleRedWolf

      Oh I know that’s WHY people label things, and that’s not so much my issue as people always seeming to forget about bisexuality, or treating it like it doesn’t exist. It’s usually “Wow I’ve always liked the opposite gender but now I had one thought about the same sex so does that mean I’m gay?” instead of thinking “Wait could I be bi?”

      • Oh, for the record I was totally agreeing with you! I think that people believe that they have to fit in one “extreme” or the other as opposed to maybe considering the idea that they’re bi or queer or whatever else.

  • LittleRedWolf

    Okay, I’ve really got to put this out there: Why do so many people automatically jump to one extreme end of the spectrum or the other when it comes to sexuality? A girl who definitely like guys has one same-sex thought or encounter, and all of a sudden she’s a full-blown lesbian, or else a lesbian might have one hookup with a dude and it’s all “Are you straight now?” When will people finally realize that sexuality is a spectrum and you don’t have to be just “gay” or “straight.” There’s bisexuality (liking both males and females) and pansexuality (where gender just doesn’t matter and you like whoever based on attractiveness and personality) and everything in between. There’s the Kinsey scale, and while not a strict definer of sexuality, it really can help you get a general idea of yourself. A 0 is completely, 100% hetero and a 6 is 100% homosexual. You can find both genders physically attractive but only be sexually interested in one. You might be romantically attracted to just one but into hooking up with whoever. Sexuality is so fluid, and the more that is getting explored, the less people like to slap on labels, because it’s just so broad! For simplicity’s sake I usually tell people I’m gay or a lesbian or whatever, just because that makes things easier, and I AM only interested in physical and romantic relationships with other girls. However, I can still look at a guy and think “Yeah, he’s hot” but I would never want to do anything with him. I just think of myself as me and know I like girls and it’s whatever. If you are sure you like guys in a sexual way you’re definitely not a lesbian, but you can still be into chicks, too. Don’t worry about labeling it or defining it or telling anyone unless you’re certain how you feel and are comfortable coming out. People make a big deal out of sexuality, but being honest I think people who are 100% hetero or homo isn’t that common, and more people fall somewhere in between than we realize, at least to a certain extent.