10 Things You Should Never Say To A Black Girl

I’ve dealt with a lot of ignorance in my lifetime when it comes to being black, most of which were from friends, fellow students or adults who I thought would know better.

Fun fact: They don’t.

Some little nuggets of ignorance have even taken up shop in several of my posts about race here on Gurl.

I get it, people mean well, but that doesn’t make their comments any more tolerable, less hurtful or less offensive. In my experience, most of the racially insensitive comments that I’ve received have been from people who will swear up and down that they don’t have a racist bone in their body. But the second they say something out of line and I call them out on it, suddenly their the victims and I’m being mean or–this is my favorite part–I’m being racist for pointing it out in the first place.

As if.

Well, you live and learn, so here’s 10 things you should never say to a black girl according to me, a black girl.

 

“How can I be racist? My best friend/third cousin/sister-in-law is black!”

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As if that absolves you from saying something racist. Your possibly imaginary black bestie ain’t here, don’t use her to defend yourself.

 

“My ancestors came to this country after slavery happened so…”

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That doesn’t mean that you don’t potentially benefit from a little thing called white privilege. Look it up!

 

“You speak so well!”

Clair-Huxtable-cosby-show

How did you expect me to speak? Why are you so surprised that I can be eloquent?

 

“I’m a big fan of [insert some new, hip, cool black musician, actor, celebrity, politician, etc].”

fresh-prince-of-bel-air-will

And you felt the need to go out of your way to mention this to me because…?

 

“[Touches a black chick’s hair].”

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No. Stop. What are you…doing? Stop!

 

“Why do you have to make everything about race? Stop using the race card!”

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In other words, “Why are you talking about race? It makes me uncomfortable. Stop making me uncomfortable!” Sorry, what I talk about doesn’t revolve around your comfort level with acknowledging the cold hard truth about how racist our society is.

 

“You’re being a reverse-racist!”

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Reverse racism doesn’t exist, y’all.

 

“Why are you allowed to say that word but I can’t?”

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Because context matters. Why do you want to use slurs that oppressed people have reclaimed so badly anyway?

 

“You’re not like other black girls!”

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Wow, I wasn’t aware that every other black girl in the world ever is exactly the same. Except for me. I am truly the most special of snowflakes.

 

“My hair is like Hermoine’s, so I know how it feels to have your hair type.”

orange-is-the-new-black-confused-what

…Naw. If you think that’s the case then you definitely don’t know the history and politics of black hair. Until your Hermione hair gets you in trouble at school, don’t ever say this to me or any other black chick. Ever. Nice try, though!

 

Have you had to deal with any of these comments? What other ridiculous things have people said to you because you’re a person of color? Tell us in the comments!

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Posted in: Being Yourself
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  • kingcobra668

    This “article” and the comments here are so incredibly racist I am dumbfounded at the ignorance and the irony flying over all your heads. This is about as progressive as a fart in the wind. Now, let us watch the racists comments come my way because I am white. But, of course, those aren’t racist BECAUSE I AM WHITE. Which is RACIST.

    Simply because I am white. Repeat that to yourself. Sit down and think before you reply.

  • megafckinpixel .

    Guurrl, one of the reasons why i hate dating is the whole ” ive never been with a black girl before” phrase, its actually degrading like… FOOL IVE NEVER BEEN WITH ONE TOO stop viewing my race as sex symbols shit really annoys me.

  • ß۞Ь¥ ҊɸЊŁѮ§Ե

    “How can I be racist? My best friend/third cousin/sister-in-law is black!”
    As if that absolves you from saying something racist. Your possibly imaginary black bestie ain’t here, don’t use her to defend yourself.

    so what if someone did say it? all anyone can do in this world is apologize and move on. not to be “insensitive” or whatever, but thats just bein honest. we all make mistakes and are human. people dont just make up black friends. thats just as offensive as sayin “you’re less black because your complexion is lighter than other ‘black’ people”

    “My ancestors came to this country after slavery happened so…”
    That doesn’t mean that you don’t potentially benefit from a little thing called white privilege. Look it up!

    that in itself is basically racist. you act as if people choose to be a different race and that automatically means they want to be that race, are automatically better advantaged in every way because their skin is different and are already seen as being the “enemy” even if they have no problem with black people.

    How did you expect me to speak? Why are you so surprised that I can be eloquent?

    apparently like stereotypes perpetuated by the mass media. blame the media, not the individual. i could ask “why do “non-blacks” like to sound “ghetto”? the bottom line is language has no color; theres different styles of speech in the world.

    And you felt the need to go out of your way to mention this to me because…?

    because it apparently is to prove they appreciate many forms of entertainment and who else but a black person would honestly care what color that entertainer is? for a black person insinuate that whites or other non-blacks only like white entertainers is equally racist.

    No. Stop. What are you…doing? Stop!

    that is a complement. maybe they are tired of “white people hair” everywhere, includin on heads of black women. not racism, just honesty. is there shame in havin intrigue? racist would be hatin natural black hair, not havin appreciation. should they ask first? yes. should they know a person before touchin their hair? yes. thats common sense.

    In other words, “Why are you talking about race? It makes me uncomfortable. Stop making me uncomfortable!” Sorry, what I talk about doesn’t revolve around your comfort level with acknowledging the cold hard truth about how racist our society is.

    probably because black people involve race more often than anyone else. and tellin people about race as if they dont know already is insultin to them. what do you want? sympathy or self-shame from all whites?

    Reverse racism doesn’t exist, y’all.

    the term itself doesnt technically exist, but black people are racist sometimes to other people. sometimes black people hate their own race. thats called “self racism”

    Because context matters. Why do you want to use slurs that oppressed people have reclaimed so badly anyway?

    uh, maybe for the same reason they do? if its not “acceptable” for everyone to say it, then it shouldnt be “acceptable” for anyone. double standards are never a good thing.

    Wow, I wasn’t aware that every other black girl in the world ever is exactly the same. Except for me. I am truly the most special of snowflakes.

    but you cant tell me that black people dont ever think or say “youre not like other white people”, which is equally racist. nobody is sayin all black girls are the same. but maybe they have known other black girls who were different. should they point out that race is a factor? no. but some people in general are nicer than others period.

    …Naw. If you think that’s the case then you definitely don’t know the history and politics of black hair. Until your Hermione hair gets you in trouble at school, don’t ever say this to me or any other black chick. Ever. Nice try, though!

    crazy thing to say about hair type and only truly ignorant people would assume black women have “hermione” hair naturally, unless if their of mixed race. and you cant deny that black girls have learned self-hatred and cant appreciate the hair they were born with. true “black” hair is a rarity in todays age and people only make a big deal about it because theres less of it around than there used to be. also, people in charge havent put down “white hair” yet. but that doesnt mean that they wont in the future.

  • Raanan Geberer

    Reverse racism doesn’t exist? Friends of mine have worked as one of the few white employees in a majority-black office of a government agency, and, to hear them tell it, it wasn’t a pleasant experience.

  • foxyfoxy

    My parents are multi racial and from South America so I get tons of dumb questions from these imbeciles. They always assume I wasn’t born here or that I’m here legal. I was born in America.

    Why don’t you kick yourself out your an immigrant too? ( White stripes – icky thumb)

  • roger rambo

    I want an AA girlfriend soooooo bad. Would treat her like a queen.

  • savannah

    someone told me I was “smart for a black girl”.They acted like this was suppose to be a complement. Like, no I can not be the only black person here you assume is smart. I am just like you need stop.

  • nads

    I am from south Africa and I have had some stupid questions asked too. white girls at school for example I plaited braids in on the weekend after wearing my natural hair the week before “omg your hair grows so fast its so unfair” lol like seriously???

  • Alliyah Merritt

    My hair is naturally straight and my hair goes a little bit down my back, and people in school always touch my hair and say, “Oh my god your hair is so long!” And i’m just like, ‘ Did you expect it to be short?’ Or they ask me, “Is that a weave?” And I’m just sitting there like, Are you serious right now?”

  • Josephine

    Hello, I check your blogs on a regular basis. Your writing style is awesome, keep doing what you’re doing!

  • ana

    Um yes, reverse-racism does exist. In fact, its not even reverse-racism. Its just racism. Hatred toward any race is wrong.

    • A

      Oh, Lord. Please, sweetie, just don’t. For your own sake, just shush.

    • foxyfoxy

      Well when a race feels like they’re superior to everyone else then people are going to get tired of them. It’s how the real world works.

      • Drell Cula

        So no other individuals of other race groups can feel like they are superior to a whole other race?

  • Brianna Hughes

    I have natural hair so when I wear my hair so I get “Omg how do you get your hair to look like a ball of cotton.