I dated this guy for a little over a year, but we broke up due to his immaturity level. But we never really stopped talking. Now, another year later, we are doing everything that a normal couple would do, but we are still not officially “boyfriend and girlfriend.” He’s not working, so I am really the one who pays every time we go out. We don’t even have that many pictures together, but when I ask to post one on a social network, he gets all crazy. He always preaches that he doesn’t care what other people think, but he doesn’t want people to think we actually are boyfriend and girlfriend. What is this? Why won’t he date me? I don’t get it!
I’ll tell you exactly what this is, girl: time to move on!
For a moment, let’s excuse the shameful detail that he doesn’t have a job and relies on you financially. Let’s even ignore the fact that he tries to limit what others think of your relationship by censoring your public photographs. These upsetting truths aside, his inability to commit is enough proof that he’s nothing more than dead weight.
When a guy begins to drag his feet after the first few months of a relationship (or hooking up), you only have a small window (a few weeks, let’s say) to set boundaries and make your intentions clear. As soon as you begin feeling that your relationship has plateaued, you needn’t waste any more time expressing how unhappy you are with the lack of commitment you’re getting. This is the make or break period of any romance, the precipice between “casual hookup buddies” and “bf/gf.” If a guy can’t commit to exclusivity after three or four months of dating, he probably never will – and isn’t worth chasing after or trying to convince either way.
When you let a guy coast by on his own terms for too long, you’ll end up in a situation like the one you’re in now. Relationship patterns established over such a long period of time are nearly impossible to break – it’s almost certainly too late to amend the informal roles you’ve established for one another. Add to this the fact that you already broke up with him once before for related reasons and it becomes absolutely clear that you will be best off cutting your losses and severing all ties before he wastes any more of your time!
Ethan Fixell is a writer and comedian from New York City best known as one half of comic “dating coach” duo Dave and Ethan. He is also the creator and editor of ActualConversation.com. For more on Ethan, visit EthanFixell.com…or call his mom, Robin.