10 Signs You’re Not Ready To Have Sex

One of the questions I get the most from you girls is this: how do I know if I’m ready to have sex? It’s a completely valid question. How do you know if you’re ready to take that step?  I used to obsess about the same exact thing – after all, no one wants to regret their first time or have sex before they can actually handle everything that comes along with it. Everyone puts so much pressure on your first time that thinking about it can be completely nerve wracking.

Honestly, only you will now when you’re truly ready to have sex – I can’t tell you that and neither can anyone else. But there are some signs to look out for that can help point you in the right direction and figure out if you’re really ready or not. If you’re wondering if it’s time to take your sex life to the next level or if you should give it some more time, read on. Here are 10 signs you’re not ready to have sex yet.

Are you still a virgin? Do you question whether or not you’re ready for sex? If you’ve already done it, how did you know when you were ready? Tell me in the comments.

 

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  • Lulu

    I’m 17 and I might be losing my virginity tomorrow, and my stomach is kinda twisty right now thinking about it. I completely trust my boyfriend, he’s 16 and not a virgin. We’ve only been dating for about 3 months, so I’m not sure this is exactly okay. I’m not completely sure I want to go through with it. I don’t know whether to tell if I’m ready and anxiety is kicking in or whether I’m just trying to please him considering I know he’s ready whenever I am. He’s told me how he’s been wanting to do it lately. Maybe I should just say no.. I’m scared. Ah, this is flustering.

  • Brea

    I am 14 and my boyfriend is 18. He has really been wanting me to have sex with him and I wanted to wait. But now I don’t​ know if I want to wait anymore. We’ve never done anything together other than kissing. I’m a virgin and he’s​ not. He tells me anything I want to know about him. He has even told me how many girls he has had sex with and how old he was​ when he lost his virginity. I really don’t care about that, he just told me. He’s not shy about talking about it. Sometimes I feel like he’s pressuring me to do it, but he tells me that he’s not trying to pressure me. I don’t know if I’m ready. I wanted to wait until I was out of highschool, but now I’m not so sure. We have been dating for 11 months and 27 days. He’s a senior and I’m a sophomore(I skipped 8th and 9th grade). Please give me some advice to know if I’m ready or not. It would be highly appreciated​! Thank you!

  • Brea

    I am 14 and my boyfriend is 18. He has really been wanting me to have sex with him and I wanted to wait. But now I don’t​ know if I want to wait anymore. We’ve never done anything together other than kissing. I’m a virgin and he’s​ not. He tells me anything I want to know about him. He has even told me how many girls he has had sex with and how old he was​ when he lost his virginity. I really don’t care about that, he just told me. He’s not shy about talking about it. Sometimes I feel like he’s pressuring me to do it, but he tells me that he’s not trying to pressure me. I don’t know if I’m ready. I wanted to wait until I was out of highschool, but now I’m not so sure. We have been dating for 11 months and 27 days. He’s a senior and I’m a sophomore(I skipped 8th and 9th grade). Please give me some advice to know if I’m ready or not. It would be highly appreciated​! Thank you!

  • kalianna

    im 13 and my boyfriend is 14 and we’re both virgins. at this age we both get the weird feelings “down there”. at school is the only time we see each other and we joke around alot. but lately our jokes have gotten more towards the sex talk. we both know we arent joking about it anymore. so i have two questions. 1. am i too young to be on the pill? 2. (considering sex laws in illinois) would it be ok to tell him I think im ready?

  • Mirjam

    I am 24 years old and I am still virgin. I never had a boyfriend, I have no experience with kissing, holding hands, sex,…. Guys in my age mostly wants a girl with experience. Also their expectation is so high, I can’t come up to that. I had a few crushes, but always got rejected. Also I never met one who told me that I am beautiful. My hormones and body want to experience relationship and sex, just the problem is how. I don’t want to sleep with strangers (and those would probably reject me too). If people ask me how my first time was and I said I didn’t had it yet, they are shocked and don’t believe me.

  • Abby

    I’m 13 and my bf is 14, I’m a virgin and he’s not. When he’s around me I shiver and I really love him. When ever I think about “doing it” with him, I get nervous and anxious but at the same time I get excited. I feel like I’m ready but I don’t know how it could affect me or what I would feel like afterwards. We talk about it a lot and we both want to do it but I’m not sure. What should I do?

  • Cordelia Celeste Ruggia

    I am 21 years old and I am a virgin. I’ve never been comfortable long enough with anyone to really be sure I can give “my virginity” to them. The things is I’ve been in situations where me and my partner at the time would do things leading up to it and then right when he was about to “enter my domain” if you will I freaked out. This still happens. I question if I’m over thinking that first step. My friends tell me it’s nothing to fear, but you also have to rip the bandaid( when ready). I don’t expect it to be amazing because it’s my first time and I struggle to find that security that I won’t be terrified. Does this make sense?

  • Scarlett

    Me and my boyfriend are both 18, about to graduate high school, we’ve liked each other since we were 14 and have been dating a year and a half! Both virgins, we’ve done everything but sex! Lately we’ve been discussing it a lot. He’s an amazing boyfriend, very understanding, has never really brought up the topic unless I do and I have lately because I’ve been starting to feel ready. He’s leaving the country for school in the fall but were intending on trying the long distance thing as he does have a lot of breaks and will be here a fair amount. He’s my best friend and my boyfriend and I’m so in love with him and we really do think it will work out we have so much hope! But anyway, we’ve discussed birth control, plans for the future, our feelings around sex and about each other and how the relationship will be afterward, he’s said that it’s not going to change, sex is just the icing on the cake for us. I have the pill, he’s going to get condoms as well. I think I’m ready for it but I am nervous that it’ll make me so incredibly in love with him! Even though we’re already SO unbelievably close and comfortable with each other, I’m so nervous! Any advice?

  • Rebecca Hoyman

    Ok so i really need some help here. I just turned 15 and my boyfriend is 18. He is ready to have sex an thats what he wants since hes graduating in a week. And hes basically gunna be out of school an having his own place. and i have done things before with him, we had sex. We tried everything. Even anal, just for pleasure because we was worried about me getting pregnant. I want to have sex with him. And i need to tell my parents (mom) but im nervous and scared on what to say or do. Im nervous she wont have trust in me an my boyfriend anymore.
    I need any comments or anything i can get. Thank you!!!!!

  • roto

    I am 20 year old am still a virgin, I can sleep in my boyfriend room without doing any thing my problem is I luv this guy and I told my self to give him my virginity finally I didn’t do that cause it seems like he is not serious with me ;;;;and he have a girlfriend back home what do I do with this

  • AnJaneBeauty

    I advised and encourage you teens to wait until marriage. The person who God made for you and only you. Good things comes to those who wait. If you do it the right way, you will be much happier. Why should us teens fall for the same trap that others experienced from past generations. We should make a change,we should want to break the chains,we should want to do something different in life and good, we should want to be successful in life. And to that is by accepting Jesus Christ, God s son and put him first and to let him guide and us and order our foot steps and please for the good! Teens and ppl in general will be much at peace and happier and become better ppl with chriSt in their life! God is great!

  • AnJaneBeauty

    He is too old for you. To ppl it will be considered rape. Keep your mind on school and just work on you and see what u actually want and need

  • Pingback: Why Being A Virgin Is A Matter Of Choice | The Candid Spot()

  • Anonymous

    I’m 14 nd mai b.f is 20 i really lv hm one dae he askd me 2 visit hm nd i dd bt i ws on mai p’s nd he askd 2 hve sex we tried bt thn i stoped hm nd he was very angry wth me he even asked us 2 break-up what shud i du? Plz help

    • I am tyron

      If u want him to do it den y ru scared let me tell u life is all about choices dat u make in life if u don’t want him to do it first tell him about your future so if he luvs u den he wont do something lke dat

    • AnJaneBeauty

      You should leave him alone. That’s all he wanted from the beginning . That means its time to move. He is too old for u anyway. And just be a kid and focus on school and be successful in life without regrets.

    • Milly

      Yeah i agree with aujanebeauty, you are 14 live life, and the best relationship usually begin unexpectedly and I have proof of this, I’m dating my once best friend now boyfriend 🙂

  • cynthia

    im 16 dis yr, n ma b.f is 20 yrs im co luvng dis guy, n as we knw de guyz hu makes u get horny n wet while touchng u, dats mean dey luv u bt hey dats nt true smewhr smehow, me as a g.f of ma b.f he alwyz wantd 2 visit him @ his home bt hey i cnt coz im scared dat if i visit him dey r lot of thngs wll hppn, jst hving sex blur blur blur….. n de wrst thing iz dat ive been dating many peeps while ago, n im stil a vrgn, dnt how 2 shw him how mch i luv him, bt nt abt ma vrginity, bt if he luv me he wil wait till i say im READY 2 du dat!!

    • TheSpeaker

      How about you stay in school. You’re comment gave me a headache, and if you think speaking like that is cool. It’s honestly not. It just shows how incredibly stupid you are. Stop. Go back to school.

  • Anon

    I wanna have sex but idk if I’m fully ready yet like sometimes I think I might regret it and I’m kinda scared to ask my mom to get me birth control she might think I’m doing something when I’m really not so I just don’t

  • Kerryn

    Hey, um i didnt even have sex but i was itching my pussy n a bit of blood came out im scared if im not a virgin pls help

  • Jasmine

    I’m 20 years old and I’m still a virgin. Lately, my hormones have been completely out of wack. I’ve been so curious about what sex is like and how it’ll feel, etc. most of my friends haven’t even made it as far as I have so they don’t understand what I’m going through or why I’m still holding on to my virginity. It’s just hard finding someone who I could give myself to because no one really is trustworthy anymore. Guys lie about how many partners they’ve had and they even lie about their feeling for you. I’ve never even been close to having sex because I’ve never put myself in that position too. One thing that annoys me is that I’m actually a very attractive female so people just assume that I’m no longer a virgin. They say “well you don’t look like a virgin, you’re too pretty”. How the fuck (excuse me profanity) does someone look like a virgin? That’s beyond irritating. But anyways, as I was saying, I just want to find the right person who deserves my body and my heart because I’m starting to get so anxious and curious and I don’t want to lose my virginity due to hormones escalating to an all time high. I don’t think that’ll happen because of my morals but you honestly never know. Things happen.

    • Afeelna

      The same thing with me, I mean all of my brothers and sisters are virgins and I have these morals that are my main values.I know everything about sex and that “big step” but in the past I almost gave it to this idiot who lied about everything,Now my parents have me on 24/7 body watch and the thing is I really want to go out and take my mind off of it/do some soul searching but on the same hand I want to be with someone who meets my standards.I am an african american with brains,personality, body etc…its so hard these days, I just want to be with someone who can be like my best friends and future husband someone who I can give my all to.The thing is I have friends who want to be with me that meet my standards and a bf who wants to go to the next level.What do I do? Should I take the next step with him?I want to but Idk,I have doubts like what if we break up?Who should I go with next? What if my parents are disappointed, will I be looked down upon because of my choice? I really need some help right now because I’m at my wit’s end.

      • AnJaneBeauty

        I think you should wait until you married so u want regret it later. There are consequences when it comes to disobeying God

    • Joseph

      Hi Jasmine. You’re good. It’s about falling in love like in titanic and the notebook. It really is. I am a virgin too. I have not put myself in that position.
      But i feel that i almost came close to it today. I am crying a little. Because i am devout to the Lord. I know i am not ready (crying). I need you to reply too. I am attractive too. I am a male though. It’s crazy. They have to be the one, you know. They have to be your dream. Like you can go out on dates and they can sex free. You can have friends, and totally know “i am on the path to having a good boyfriend soon, i am not missing out if i feel too smart and too uncomfortable to do it just yet.”

  • Mik

    I am 14 and my boyfriend is 15 I have been off the bat horny 24/7 my hormones have just been going insane and its only that way when I’m with him, everyone of his slightest touch my body just shivers and I wanna just pounce on him.He has had sex but I am a virgin I want to have sex with him but I’m not sure if I am ready, I get very nervous,and excited when I think about it.I don’t know what to do!!!

    • AnJaneBeauty

      You should wait and focus on school bc you don’t know if he is the one or not. Some ppl fall in that trap bc it’s there first relationship and they never experienced those feelings before. Not saying it’s your first. But watch out for that cause u cld regret it later. Wait till MARRIAGE!!!

      • Mackayla Fortier

        I think you should stop pushing your beliefs onto other people. I grew up as a catholic, in a catholic school, and went to church every Sunday. But not for a second will I try to sway someone’s decision over my beliefs. Shame on you, and let the girl learn, and live. It’s the 21st century, things have changed, get over it “Jane”.

    • anonymous

      I am 19 and I am still a virgin if you love and trust your boyfriend then get some protection and go for it ok Mik

  • meg

    I’m 16 & my bf is 18 . We always talk abt sex & im a virgin, he’s not. He talks abt how he’s going to “take care” of me & ” do me good”. Being with him makes me wet at times so I thought tht meant I was ready. We tried doing it 3 days ago it was HORRIBLE. he was on top of me & tried to stick it in but it wouldn’t go in. He ate me out & thy felt good but than he tried to stick it in again & just the tip hurt so bad I told him to stop. He was mad but he understood & got over it.I didn’t expect the pain to he to be tht intense & it was just the tip. So I am still a virgin

    • Milly

      Okay…maybe next time you be on top of him since it’s your first that way you have more control of the pace ect….and maybe take it slowly 🙂