Is It Weird That I’ve Never Had An Orgasm During Sex?

Hi Heather,

I have sort of a weird question. I’ve had sex a bunch of times with a few different boyfriends and even though it feels good, I’ve never actually had an orgasm during sex. I only have an orgasm when I masturbate or when my boyfriend fingers me or goes down on me. I’ve tried really hard to have an orgasm during sex, but it’s never happened and I’m kind of getting really upset. Is this normal or am I really weird? What am I doing wrong? How can I have an orgasm during sex? Help me!

You definitely have no reason to feel weird or abnormal. Sadly, the majority of women out there have trouble reaching orgasm during sexual intercourse. It’s so common that experts say about 70 percent of women (70!) can’t have an orgasm during sex. So while you may feel like you’re supposed to have an orgasm during sex because that’s what you see on movies and in porn, that’s not exactly true.

This isn’t about how well your partner is performing or anything you might be doing wrong. It’s just about the unfortunate fact that women don’t orgasm as easily as men do. While men can reach that point quickly and easily (most of the time), most women need actual clitoral stimulation in order to have an orgasm. That’s why you’re having them when you touch yourself down there or when your boyfriend goes down on you – these are the times when your clitoris is being stimulated.

Why isn’t this happening during sex as well, you ask? Wouldn’t that make sense and make things a whole lot easier? Well, yeah. But your clitoris is small and almost sort hidden, if you will. It’s hard for your clitoris to get stimulated during sex because it’s difficult for a man’s penis to hit it. It’s easier to get to that spot with a finger or a tongue because those things are smaller and can be navigated around easily down there.

The good news? This doesn’t mean it’s impossible for you to have an orgasm during sex. It just means that it might take a little extra work. There are certain sex positions you can try that will make things work a little more smoothly (Cosmo has a list you can check out, obviously). You can try a position that allows you or your partner to reach your hand down there to stimulate your clitoris while having sex. You can also try incorporating toys into your sexy times, like using a small vibrator, which is guaranteed to spice things up.

But the biggest thing you should do is stop stressing. If you go into sex thinking about whether or not you’re going to have an orgasm, you’re probably not going to have one. Being tense, anxious, worried and stressed can actually prevent an orgasm from happening, so the more you think about it, the worse it gets. If you go into sex relaxed, you’re much more likely to get there.

take care,
Heather

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  • Lilly eggery

    Hi heather!

    I’m 14;I’ve had my periods a few times before,but this time it is really heavy! I’ve stayed of school because of it! I’ve tried eating bananas,drinking lots of water,exercising but nothing is working!!

    What do I do? Please help!