From The Message Boards: I Like My Cousin

Sometimes you might be at a family function with some distantly related people and think that someone you’re related to is kinda cute. That’s all good and fine. I mean, they’re related to you, how could they not be attractive? But what are you supposed to do when you’re actually attracted to someone, like your cousin?

This week on the message boards, y’all are discussing what you should do if you like your cousin:

SweetSahara said:
“No. No, no, no. This is so wrong. Stop now before you actually do something with this guy, he is your COUSIN.”

keepitstoked said:

“I wouldn’t say it’s ‘wrong’. It’s not like you guys are siblings, but, however, it is odd. I don’t advise it because being family it could turn out bad or cause resentment and you don’t want to ruin your current relationship, do you? Flirting is perfectly fine, and fun, for that matter. Don’t take it a step too far and risk losing what you have now.”

Fleur_Kalliope said:

“Actually, it’s not considered incest between cousins. There is a very, very low chance of birth defects, and most US states legally allow first cousins to get married.

That being said, I don’t advise a relationship between cousins. I was… “involved” with my step-cousin for a while a year ago, and I can say that it is the most stressful thing I have ever experienced.”

Yikes, this is such a tricky one, y’all. On one hand, I get it. When I was a kid, I had a crush on my older cousin. But at the time, I didn’t quite understand the concept that he was also related to me. When I was older and found out that I had been crushing on my own bloodline, I freaked out.

It’s true that dating your cousin is legal in some US states. But, regardless of the legality of it, dating or hooking up with your cousin will likely cause a huge mess. I mean, you’re family! If it ends, it’s going to be really awkward at family reunions. Think about how this situation will affect your whole family. That’s quite a big risk to take when you could be with someone who isn’t your cousin.

And when it comes down to it, you’re still related. By blood. Unless this is a step cousin, twice removed or something, I think it’s best to avoid flirting and having any non-family relations with your cousin.
Have you ever had a crush on your cousin? What did you do about it? Tell us in the comments!

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Posted in: Boards, Health, Sex & Relationships
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  1. avatarSophia says:

    Everytime I saw my cousin I would flirt with him. Finally one day we went out and had a drink. We had the best coversation I could remember. We ended up in a hotel… to be honest it was the best sex I’ve had. I know it sounds disgusting! We both carried on with our lives in different directions. 20 years later we have the memories and a special place in our hearts for eac other. Unfortunately our family would flip if they new, therefore we would never be able to be with each other due to our forbidden love.

  2. avatarJessica says:

    I’m reaching out to anyone who has advice and may be able to help me. So i am a 15 year old girl, and my cousin is 17 and he just graduated highschool. My uncle and his family came to visit and do some 4th of July bonding and it was so nice to catch up. Our family only comes together once every couple years, so we arent that close. I have never really seen my cousin as anything but my cousin, although i always thought he was attractive, but this time was different. Many events and little things happened over the course of the visit that suggest he did not view me as a cousin either:
    1) he kept messing with me, stealing my phone, and he even plastered me against a wall with his full body ( against mine)
    2)he laid with me on my bed until 4 am, leaning on me, and we fell asleep like that (its a twin bed)
    3) he acted weird when i got out of my bed in the morning and insisted i join him again
    4) he stuck his nose in my pillow and said it smelled like my hair and continued to smell it for a few minutes

    Now, im not saying that means anything, but it was a strange feeling for me, and I never thought I would be faced with the issue of wondering if my cousin likes me. Im also concerned that if anything happened in the future, our family would be disgusted. On that note, does it seem like he is interested in me?

    • avatarSophia says:

      Jessica, it sounds like he likes you more than just cousins. If you responded positively to him then you both have romantic feelings for each other. Girl you’re not the 1st and won’t be the last to like your cousin.

  3. avatarJessica says:

    Okay, so I am very confused. I dont see my cousins often, maybe only once every three yrs or so. Im 15 and my cousin is 17. He came to my house yesterday with my uncle and his family and it was odd. Since I dont see him often, its almost as if he isnt my cousin, and I dont see him as family. I always thought he was cute, but now im freaking out because yesterday there was this tension between us. He stole my phone and pushed me up against a wall and just pressed his body against mine and the rest of the night we were playfully hitting eachother and laughing at eachother. When I was in my room he came in and laid next to me on the bed and rested his body against mine and we ended up falling asleep together on my tiny bed. And this morning when I got up he said I needed to get back in bed with him. He also smelled my pillow and said it smelled like my hair and he kept his nose there for awhile. It just seemed like he didnt view me as a cousin either, and now im flipping out because I never expected this to be an issue I would face. Does it seem like he likes me?

  4. avatarAdis says:

    i love my both causins very much i dont know if crush or i love them 2 much or maybe i havent them seen them 9 years 2 years i love them so much i komicate with my causin on facebook she sweetes causin and her younger sister iw youngest causin of my causins i love them so much they so pretty would love them hug them their my was my favorite aunt eversince i was little was my favorite aunt and sweetest my causins i love in all world maybe is crush or not or is i love them 2 much looks like i crush on them their both brunete have beundeful green eyes oldest causin is sometimes chenging on pictures different look i love them so much i miss them every day and my favorite aunt my causins are my happines their my princesses most beutyful girls in all world

  5. avatarJust at thought says:

    For much of the world’s population, the Bible is the final authority on right and wrong.

    The Bible has a great deal to say about cousin marriage, and not once does it say anything negative. To the contrary, all references to cousin marriage in scripture are 100% supportive.

  6. avatarAlways says:

    I have been with my cousin for over thirty years. He has been the best thing that ever happened. We tried not to, but we just have strong feelings and emotions for each other. We both tried date others, but it never worked out. So yes I’m happy, its been a good life with a man I love, I don’t think that is wrong.

  7. avatarKai says:

    Yes I have a crush on my cousin too I got it when we went sledding/snowmobiling I started having feelings 4 her when she was telling me about her self and realized that she had the same interests as I do then things got worse when I had to go on the back of her snowmobile she felt my penis hardening on her butt its very awkward and I always get the grossest thoughts in the world like f*cking her its messed up so I really need advice cause I’m sick of avoiding her and I don’t want a crush on her.

    • avataralissa says:

      i love my cousin too
      we’ve always been close, he’s my 1st cousin :/
      he’s told me (drunkenly) that he loves me a few times but last week he told me everything. he kept staring at me and telling me I’m so f*cking beautiful and he wanted me and loved me, etc. he said he didn’t like his other cousins and he felt stupid. we started cuddling and it felt normal. i dunno if that’s weird or not but there is def chemistry
      he ended up sleeping with my friend bc I thought it was a bad idea for him and I to be tog and I got jealous :(
      he spent the night last night and just cuddled and I love him so much but not in love with him, I dunno how I love him. maybe it’s normal? i would prob have sex with him but just think it could be weird and I’m not single, etc
      not sure what to do, there is some sort of attraction that’s undeniably, even my uncle (his dad) noticed.

  8. avatardajanik says:

    My family came over for the funeral of a family member yesterday and this boy came btw he is my cousin from my grandpas side and my mom told me that were cousins but heres the prob. i like him and im pretty sure he likes me too but i am freaking out!!!!!!!! i dont know what tobdo bc i only told my other cousins but i dont know what to do………. i need answers

  9. avatarRachael says:

    Hey I hav a crush on my cousin we don’t live in d same city and wet don’t talk much on d phone bt when we meet it feels special like we hav so much in common I like spending time with him we’ve never made out or anything bt I remember him telling me twice that he likes me not streight forward bt like u like trying new kinds of food I like u ( he likes trying new kinds of food too) and I want u to here these songs I like u ( wwe were listening to music ) and we spend lots of time together during holidays which is fun soooo does he hav a crush on me how do I tell him ( I mean just tell him not date and stuff bt let him know tat I hav a crush on him ) ???? :)

  10. avatar☆Hayley☆ says:

    ok i think it might be wrong but i have i huge crush on my cousin-in-law so i dont have much room to talk….. we flirt hug…… and we makeout too cause he was my first kiss and that was really special to me i trust him he promised he would never try anything sexual with me and its been at least 6 years since we meet and he hasnt tryed anything he drives me around like hes my big brother… he has 2 younger bros

  11. avatarlooplol says:

    Well u cant help who u like I mean u just cant I dont like that person cuz its my cuzin

  12. avatarjane says:

    i think my cousin and his cousin like each other ,because they’re always kind of flirting, and they always have been since i met his cousin. i think the only reason they’re not together is because they’re cousins and because they live kind of far away from each other.

  13. avatarally coble says:

    We just play aroun un tell he trid to kiss me and thin i hoy scard and ask home Y and he sade and i quot BC u look sexy in that

  14. avatarRandom says:

    I think it’s fine. In certain religions it’s totally acceptable for cousins to date or marry. I’m a muslim, and this being said, my parents are in fact first cousins. It can be confusing at times but everyone accepts it.

  15. avatarValentina says:

    I wont say it’s wrong cos i also had a crush on my cousin- daniel. But it should be controlled. You can flirt and all but should not get so serious.

    • avatarcoolness says:

      You have a cousin named Daniel….i have a cousin named Daniel and I’m totally crushing on him….i don’t know what to do thought….cause I haven’t told him that I like him but yea

  16. avatarCloverTea123 says:

    It’s wrong. Your being selfish to your children. Think about what might happen to them.

  17. avatarFoxyBaby says:

    I had a huge crush on my step cousin. his mom and my dad have the same father and we say we really aren’t related but we are. and we kinda made out. it didn’t feel wrong. it was a little weird at first but then I thought, “oh well”. we are still very close but wont do anything else.

  18. avatarntosh says:

    i had a crush on my cousin only to find out that he felt the same we sat down and talked about it and decided that we’ll date undercover…we nearly got caught so that caused a lot of family disputes,then eventually we were not allowed to hang out or talk to each other,as time went on i realised that he was the only guy that ever made me feel special,appreciated and worthy…so my advise is if both you and your cousin feel the same way then give a try…but think of the consequences that will follow like family separation…

  19. avataraya says:

    i love my cousin too, we used to love each other and it’s fine
    ur advice to u is to make sure that he loves before u did something u both regret it

  20. avatarFleur says:

    Fleur_Kalliope here. I would like to note that my answer was cut down to exclude the fact that my involvement with my cousin was A). Stressful because he was using me and eventually sexually assaulted me, and B). That he was in fact my step cousin. That now being present in relation to this article, I still advise against it.

    I would also like to add that I found this article extremely biased and rather judgemental. Specifically the last two paragraphs. Yes, I get that it is a very tricky subject, but that means one needs to be non-judgemental when someone asks a question about it. As someone who has felt this judgement first hand, what I needed was to NOT BE JUDGED when I ask/told someone about it. I felt disgusting and horrible and was hating myself already for my feelings and emotions. I didn’t need someone else to do it for me.


    • avatarhelp needed says:

      Hello by the answer you gave this article I was wondering if you could help me out. I used to have the same problem, or at least one close to it. I was around the age 12-13 when my younger cousin (4 years age difference) started to like me. He tried to kiss my stomach and asked me to go under the covers with him. I obviously said no and pretended it never happened because 1) he was my cousin & 2) the age difference! I think he told his mom I initiated it because when we saw them the next day they were always checking up on me and his younger sister told me not to “touch” her when I was only grabbing we forearm to help her draw. After 1 year passed I went back to visit my family & he did the same excpet this time after cuddling a few times together (he was the big spoon) he kissed me on the lips. I thought it was an accident but right before dinner when all the adults and kids where in the kitchen he told me he needed help with something and took my hand and brought me to my aunt’s room. He tried to kiss me again but my younger brother sprang out of nowhere and saved me from that. Then multiple other times he kept attempting to kiss me and pin me down/ get on too of me in the dark. I did not tell any adult or anyone in general because it made me feel like a pedo and I always thought my mom & aunt would blame me like the year before. I really did not understand his behavior because he is a great kid, amazing in school, respects every adult, extremely mature for his age, his group of friends are also super nice and almost nerdy-like(also because of the age they have never dated,touched, or kissed a girl before), and lastly does not have any anger issues which is actually extremely sweet. He only tries to make people feel better so I did not ever understand his intentions. He does respect me and whenever I tell him I don’t like the way he is touching me he totally understands and changes the position he is in. He is my first cousin to make things waaaay worse but I will always love him as a cousin because whenever I have a problem I can always go to him and he understands me. The next time I saw him i asked him about it and he just never responded and looked at me with that look “what are you talking about?”. I hope there is some logical explanation for this behavior (he was only 9-10 when this happened so there is a less likely possibility it was hormones).

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