Reader Hookup Confession: Worst Oral Sex EVER!

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Oral sex is supposed to be awesome, but it isn’t always so great… trust me, I had the worst oral sex EVER.

I was dating this guy who I had been dating for about a year. Well, we had never had sex because I felt like I wasn’t ready yet. Instead, we fooled around by doing other stuff. Last summer, he wanted to give me oral sex. I knew it was his first time ever doing it, but… it was SO horrible. He literally just sat there and licked me the whole time. Honestly, I have NO clue what he was licking or doing at all. I felt NOTHING. I watched TV the entire time, I actually forgot he was down there.

The next time we hung out, when I was getting ready to leave, he started to undress me from the waist down. I asked him what he was doing and he said, “Giving you a goodbye gift.” I passed on that one!

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Posted in: Hookup Confessions
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  • Jarvis

    He gets nothing if he does not ask. I he was your BF, you should have taught him something.
    If a one nighter:

    I think having to teach someone during sex is distracting and annoying and teaching them after is an effort. He should be listening to you and your body at first not waiting for mommy or teacher to come out and show him the basics, unless you are into that. Based of what you wrote, it seems he is simply oblivious.

    No wonder so many men are sexually immature twits.
    You could teach him if you want, but the next girl might not like what you taught him. It does not solve the problem of bad male – female cunnilingus.

    Men act awfully to woman who don’t please them orally and then sook when they are exposed and don’t know what the hell they’re doing, even if they just bragged about it. Most men wont talk openly or comfortably about sex at a more appropriate time. I bet there are less woman who are crap at blowjobs than men who are crap at cunnilingus, which is a way better name.

    Something about a man with his head there lapping away at it like a thirsty dog (because that usually what it looks like) and then asking me for help is a major turn off. I end up thinking about the reasons I allowed him to in the first place because it probably wasn’t romance Am i desperate? drunk? Bored? Actually horny at all? Or was I horny and then this sad little boy came along.
    Gosh I hope he pay’s or his lesson.
    Men need to learn how to read a woman’s reactions to turn her on, well before the sex otherwise she was probably already horny regardless, which makes a bad experience even worse.

    The chase of sex is what makes the sex fun and passionate, not having to teach ABCs to some lazy jerk right on the cusp because he was to scared not to ask the lady he is about to bump.
    People say the chase stops when you get in relationships, its not true. Relationships make the chase even more intense.

    I don’t know many men that would lovingly teach a woman how to give a Blow Job,thanks to the porn industry. OMG, rant!

  • me

    I agree with the first poster. You shouldn’t just sit there. Tell him what to do! Tell him where to lick and how hard and how fast. Show him what a clit is and what he is supposed to do with it and what to do with his fingers. Otherwise he’ll never learn!

  • me

    I agree with the first poster. You shouldn’t have just sat there. Tell him how to do it right! Tell him where to lick and how hard or how fast. Otherwise he’ll never learn! Teach him what a clit is and what he’s supposed to do with it.

  • Izzy

    Seriously gurls, why would you do that?! If you don’t like what he is doing don’t just sit there quietly and take it or shut him down. Tell him what he is doing wrong and then tell/show him how to do it right! Not only will that make things much better for you, but you’ll probably help out another gurl who won’t have to deal with his inexperience in the future.

  • ViolaOrsino

    hahaha I always tell my friends about funny stories I read on gurl, I guess this is another one to add :p

  • Missy

    LOL i’d pass too!! lol

  • YuiGyaruRamen


  • ????

    OMG my ex did the exact same thinggggg!!! It’s terrible!! My boyfriend is way better at it lol

    • Jarvis

      In that case, if it was your boyfriend and not a one timer, you should have taught him. It reflects back on you and on your experience together later in life.

  • lidia

    OMGod this actually made me LOL!!!

  • kay