Is It Weird That I’m Not Turned On By Anyone? Am I Asexual?

Hey Heather,

Is it weird to not be turned on by girls or boys? Don’t get me wrong, I’ll think about kissing a boy sometimes, but I don’t have any real sexual feelings towards either gender. Is there something wrong with me? Help please!

Let’s get one thing straight: there’s nothing wrong with you just because you don’t have any sexual feelings for anyone! While it might usually seem like everything and everyone is all about sex, sex, sex, that doesn’t mean there aren’t people in the world who aren’t interested in it. That doesn’t make you weird.

Since I don’t know you or know any personal details about you, I can’t tell you for sure what’s going on with your sexuality. But there are two possible reasons and one of them is that maybe you just haven’t met anyone you’re interested in yet. Some people are highly sexual beings, while others aren’t. Maybe you just haven’t met anyone you’re super attracted to yet. If you’re relatively young, this is totally possible and you might need to just give things time.

However, your lack of sexual feelings could also mean that you might be asexual. Asexuality is defined as not having any sexual feelings towards anyone whatsoever, which sort of sounds like what you’re telling me. Consider these questions: when you say you “think about kissing a boy sometimes,” how does that make you feel? Have you ever been sexually attracted to anyone, male or female? Do you ever think about sex and feel like it’s something you want to do, or are you a little weirded out by the idea of having sex? Do you feel like you just don’t get sex at all? Does anything turn you on?

Think about the answers to those questions above – while they might not lead you to a huge revelation, they can help you think more about your sexuality. Honestly, asexuality is a little complicated, because every asexual person out there is different. Some asexual people still crave romantic relationships without the sex. Some asexuals are disgusted by the idea of sex, while some really don’t care about it either way. Really, it’s about your own personal desires.

If you want more info on asexuality, check out this site, which explains signs of asexuality; this site, which can answer some questions you may have; or this site, which gives a ton of general information. Doing a little research on asexuality may help you figure out your own sexuality.

I don’t want you to think that I’m saying that you’re definitely asexual – this is something that you need to figure out on your own. I can’t tell you what your sexuality is! You may also want to give this more time, like I said before. Whatever is going on, though, I want you to know that there’s nothing weird about you. You don’t have to have sexual feelings to be “normal.” What does that word even mean, anyway?

take care,
Heather

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Posted in: Help Me Heather, Love Advice
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5 Comments

  1. avatarCody says:

    Are there asexual people in the world who really are just gay/straight and don’t want to admit it? Probably a couple. Realistically, at least. But the majority of them are just what they say: not into sex. It’s not exactly that weird of a concept, if you think about it. Your sex drive is just a biological function, so it’s not that strange to think that in some people that drive never clicks on, straight or gay. An asexual guy answers a lot more of your asexual questions: http://www.pointsincase.com/columns/cole-fm/asexual-guy-answers-your-asexual-questions

  2. avatarChristine J Sojka says:

    It’s a MYTH that most people date and marry people they’re attracted to.Most females date & marry males they HATE OR COULD CARE LESS ABOUT TO LIVE OFF OF THEIR MONEY.These males marry them because they’re sexually desperate & would otherwise have to pay a hooker.

  3. avatarorangenarwhalgurl says:

    I have a friend who’s asexual and I don’t really think of him as any different from the rest of us-he just doesn’t want to have sex! Asexual people can still be romantically attracted to people, so you may want to ask yourself that. I was kind of a late bloomer-I didn’t really have a serious crush until I was 14 and I haven’t been sexually attracted to anyone before my current boyfriend, and I’m 16! Sexuality can change over time, so you never know.

  4. avatarlynn says:

    I never felt any sexual draw towards anyone and just didn’t feel any urge until after having sex for the first time. Then it’s like a switch was flipped on, it was really a surprise.

  5. Pingback: Linkspam: August 23rd, 2013 | The Asexual Agenda

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