When it comes to dating, there are some rules that we’ve all heard of and maybe even try to follow. One of the biggest dating rules seems to be this: don’t have sex on the first date. There are tons of studies on the subject, people are always debating whether it’s a good idea or not and sometimes, it actually does seem to have an effect on how the relationship is going to turn out.
Maybe I’m being a little bit old-fashioned about this and maybe a lot of you will disagree with me, but here goes: personally, I don’t think you should have sex on the first date.
Let me make this clear before we go any further: I am not trying to shame anyone who has sex on the first date. If you want to do that, go for it. Sex is a really personal thing and anyone else’s sex life is none of my business. You should have sex when you feel comfortable and ready and if that happens to be on the first date? Okay. I’m just saying that, personally, I wouldn’t have sex on the first date – and I would never advise anyone else to. Here’s why.
For me, first dates are about getting to know each other – and personally, I like to really get to know someone before I hit the sack with them. I like to find out more about them – who they are, who they’ve dated, what they want, what they’re doing with the life. In general, I like to get a better sense of who they are as a person. And, unless it’s the best first date in the history of the world, it’s hard for me to find out all of this after just one date.
Personally, I need to feel super comfortable with someone before I can have sex with them. I’m a shy and awkward girl and so it can take me a little while to feel that level of comfort with a guy, especially a guy I have a crush on. This is why I like to wait a few dates before I get into bed with someone. There are some people in this world who are outgoing, friendly and instantly become best friends with everyone. I am not one of these people. How am I supposed to get naked with someone I’m so nervous about? Not only is it hard for me to do, but it also pretty much ensures that the hookup will be awkward because I will be so freaked out.
I’ve found that as soon as sex gets involved, things tend to get a little messier. I’m generally a big, moody mess… and once I have sex with someone, my emotions get a little out of whack. Suddenly, the relationship is on another level – and if I’m not on that level mentally, things get seriously confusing.
I want to like a guy because he’s nice to me, he’s funny, we have some common interests, etc. I don’t want to like a guy just because I had sex with him and now I’m feeling a little emotionally attached. On the flip side, I want a guy to like me because he likes me for the person I am. I don’t want him to just like me for sexual reasons. Basically what I’m trying to say is this: I like to develop a deeper connection with someone before I sleep with them. Sometimes, I feel like a lot of other girls feel this way too – but for various reasons, whether it’s pressure or just an attempt to feel loved, they give in and do it before they’re ready.
The one time I did give in and have sex right away, before I was ready, I ended up regretting it for a long, long time. Before it happened, he was so sweet and nice and perfect that I thought maybe things could work out, even if we did it right away. I was wrong. After it happened, he immediately turned into a huge jerk. He blew me off and made me feel incrediby stupid. After that experience, I swore to myself that it would never happen again. It wasn’t about the fact that the guy didn’t seem to respect me – it was more about the fact that I didn’t respect myself for that decision. I knew I should have waited and I didn’t. I put myself out of my comfort zone and, for once, it didn’t feel good at all.
Yes, this is just my experience. There are millions of other peope out there and I’m sure a bunch of them have experienced something different. I’m completely aware that there are studies that conclude that sex on the first date can lead to a stable, happy relationship. That’s so great for those people! I just know that it would probably never work that way for me. I need to give myself time to decide if I really want to take that step with a person. That might sound lame, but it’s just the way I feel.
What do you think about sex on the first date? Do you ever do it? Would you? Do you agree or disagree with me? Tell me in the comments.