I’m A Virgin, But Here’s Why I Don’t Care About My V-Card

Being a 22-year-old virgin is super fun because I get to be subjected to a bunch of assumptions as to why I still have my V-card. Theses assumptions include but are not limited to the following:

  1. I’m waiting for the perfect guy/relationship to come along.
  2. I’m waiting for marriage.
  3. I’m waiting for my celebrity crush to become single so that I can snatch him up before another model beats me to the punch.

Out of these three options, option number three is the closest to reality, which says a lot about how true these assumptions really are.

Here’s the common misconception that I think a lot of people have about virgins over the age of 18: We’re all waiting for some moral or personal reason. People think we want to wait for the long-term relationship, we want to wait until we get the bible’s stamp of approval, we want to wait until we make the perfect slow jams playlist and not a second sooner, etc.

While that might be true for plenty of gals who haven’t had the ol’ sexual intercourse, it’s not true for all of us.

Let me be frank: I’m not waiting for a perfect scenario or because of religion or any of that stuff. I’m not even waitingbecause I’m not attached to my virginity whatsoever.

Honestly, if my v-card could be compared to anything, it is sort of like when you just finished a tiny bag of chips but you can’t find a trash can to throw it away, so you sort of awkwardly hang onto it, maybe stuff it in your purse and tell yourself that you’re going to throw it out the second you find a trash can. But then you forget about it and then the next day you notice that it’s still in there and you go, “Huh, whoops, forgot about that, I guess.” So basically, imagine that I’ve been carrying this empty chips bag in my purse for the past few years and I’ve never been near a trash can whenever I remember that I need to throw it out. In a nutshell, that’s how I see my virginity.

Does that make sense? Or do you just want some chips right now?

I think that the concept of virginity is at best sexist and at worst a masochistic ploy to make teens and young adults rely on the history of their privates to dictate their desirability or lack thereof. But when it comes to the v-card, I just haven’t come across the right set of circumstances to make a hookup move from hapless fantasy to reality.

Friends of mine have told me that all I need to do is go to a party, find some guy, stick my tongue down his throat and the rest is up to the party gods and the accessibility to birth control. Well, maybe that’s easier said than done for some of us. I’m not even the shy type whatsoever, but I just haven’t really had an opportunity to get to a point of mutual “hey let’s make out and do stuff sometime” territory with a guy yet.

I’m usually okay with that, even though I can get a little self-conscious about it every now and then. It sucks, but I’m not as bummed out about it as you might think. I know that it’ll happen, hopefully sooner rather than later, but I just wish that people would stop assuming that not having sex means that I’m either being super prudish or put a lot of value in my virginity.

Sometimes not having sex yet just means you haven’t gotten around to having sex yet. Nothing more, nothing less. It is what it is!

Are any of you in the same boat? Is or was the idea of losing your virginity a big deal to you or not? Tell us in the comments!

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  • Slimz

    Well im just guna put my 2cents in. Ima 18 year old virgin and i honestly couldnt be happier. I do realize that that could be because majority of the females i know lost their virginity to strangers and a alot of the regret it due to that fact, they were too young, the timing wasnt right…blah blah blah. Whatever. I also though that i was too young for sex, mine opinion, and that i was guna wait til i was a little older to worry about that, like 18, which i am now. But just because im 18 doesnt mean im guna screw any guy that walks pass. I do understand that some, and from the comments im reading, amny females dont care about their virginity and whose penis goes inside of them, but i don, and thats fine. its your body and you can do whatever, right? right. I mean yea im mindblown that some parents let their young child have bf way older than them, give them advise on sex before they even reach their teen years, and some females are so proud of having sex so early, yea that surprising, but at the end of the day, its your body, your not my child, or my kid or my best friend, family parents, nothing. so who cares right? Im not over dramatic about my V-card, but i dont want to take it too lightly either. What really bothers me is that just because i dont particular want to hang out with females like that, people think that i think im better than them? Uhm, no. I dont think im better than anyone, but i dont have to associate with everyone. Thats just me.

  • Tada

    Never read a better post about that topic. I am 21 and still a virgin, not because I choose to keep it that way but because I never felt the need for having a relationship.
    It may be weird but I never had the chance to get to know someone better, or never met someone that really interested me. But still, I don´t feel like it´s a bad thing, it is just how it is. And i am definitely not just gonna have sex because I may be too old for still being a virgin.

  • Kristy

    I agree with this so much, Im 22 and I haven’t really been in a deep relationship yet. I’m not a shy person either but I guess I’m waiting for the right person to come along. Although I was raised in a catholic household I find myself to be more spiritual than anything therefore I’m not particularly trying to save my self for marriage. I am sure that when I do loose my virginity it will be with someone I feel completely comfortable with and sure of.

  • lelia

    I love this all the way! I’m only15 but I am known as a “gg ” so people think things like this about me because when they tell me they went all the way I’m all like “don’t you think we are a little to young” or “Im not really in a hurry for a bf”

    I don’t know I just like ur chips in a bag thing thats how I think of my v-card

  • Maria José

    If you are mature enough to make that decision, you use birthcontrol, and you do it with someone because you want to and not because they’re pushing you to, its ok.

  • Princess_Anna17

    im 17 and still a virgin; in this generation i’m proud of it. I care about my virginity, i love my boyfriend and we hook up of course and it can get pretty intense but, i know my limits. i want to make sure this is the real deal and truly the right guy for me, and overall i want to wait for my husband i don’t think we were made to have a series of guys in and out of our beds God made that for a man and his wife only. only one man should know my body that closely. that’s my opinion

    • Nina

      That is so sweet….you go girl!
      I’m 19 and my boyfriend is such a sweetheart,he’s very supportive and admires me waiting till marriage.(even though he isn’t a virgin lol)

  • Jesse

    What if you Fuckers saying “Sex before marriage” never get married. End up dying a fucking virgin.

  • Chare

    TBH, Fck what people say about losing virginity’s if you want to have sex have it. your virginity aint SHIT. Some people say “Ohhh youre going to regret when you get older” my response to that is “No , I’m not because ill be to busy having more sex!” People forget that everyone is different, some people care, some people don’t, and some don’t even know what theyre doing. If you want to lose it at a very young age then go a fucking head because its your body, and your decision. Don’t let any piece of shit person tell you different even your damn parents.

    • Slimz

      Jesus are you telling a11 year old to go have sex if thats what they want? DF is wrong with you?

  • sanya

    this article made me laugh so much. not a laugh of ridicule or disgust, but a ‘OMG-THIS-IS-ME’ kinda laugh. i totally get where you are coming from, i’m 20 and i really couldn’t care about my virginitiy, I just haven’t found the trash can to chuck it in yet lol

    i personally feel I am ready, as great as it would be to have some hunky celebrity knock my door down, whisk me away, elope, take me upstairs and make sweet love to me, i could no longer care for those things.

    sex is just sex now, its pretty over hyped either way you look it, its just…sex.

    Time to find the trash can. lol

    • some guy

      Find a life rather than a trash can.

  • gabrella

    Well i just turned 16 ,i don’t have a boyfriend but am still a virgin,and to be honest i don’t believe in marriage before sex..because i believe that i will never find the right guy, i know that there is no such thing as the PERFECT GUY but no matter which boy am with they always ,ALWAYS end up and break my heart!! i will never find the one who will really love me for me….i had boyfriend’s b4 and none of them did not even take the time out to say ur beautiful….NONE.But my advice to girls who are still virgins is to treat ur virginity like something that is very precious..something like the most expensive piece of object that no one can buy,other girls might be reading this and saying loosing ur virginity is not a big deal or ur virginity is not that important but remember u can only be a virgin once! and men tend to respect u more when ur a virgin…..i have mentioned that i may not find the right one but don’t give up hope!

    • Laura

      You may not have found the right person yet, I know this sounds corny, but you might still find the right guy. Also, I disagree with your standpoint towards virginity. If you don’t believe in waiting for marriage, why is it so important to save your virginity? It is not precious, the only thing you may loose is a state of mind valuing it. (I’m not saying that waiting til marriage is bad, it’s a sweet thing to do, but I agree it’s unrealistic in many cases)

    • some guy

      I love the way you think 🙂 Thanks. To be honest I just check this site to see the women’s perspective about their virginity. Keep it ladies. I’m in a relationship and I really love her so much. She’s all I think about, we’ve been together for 9 months now but I’m not the first. Since the first day she told me she have lost it my heart breaks by pieces. First few months, I’ve been ignoring what’s in my thoughts and just give her everything to make her happy. She told me she was really happy that time, happiest months in her life. But she know nothing that when I’m alone I weep. I just kept it in me until like a couple of months since I knew it, I told her how I feel about everything. I couldn’t think straight, I get sad and angry all the time, I couldn’t sleep at night even though I really need some rest and it went on for days and to tell you the truth I wept for months day and night on repeat, true story, and I still do. I weep because I love her so much, if she’s the one, the partner of my life, I want to experience everything with her and to compliment the amount of love I have I’ll make sure I give her the best. I understand it’s in the past and nothing you can change, but trust me ladies if you found the one you’re gonna have your life with and he loves you so damn much, you don’t wanna let him feel what I feel. Anw, nonetheless I still love her. Wait ladies, someone will make you really happy one day. May you find bliss in all your desires 🙂

      • milagres

        you know what “some guy” you are a FUCKING LIAR! you post here pretending you are the guy and you love a girl who is NOT a virgin but you still love her.
        Then on another site you post your story pretending you are the girl who feels she is not pure and how she hates it because she is not her husbands first.
        Is this how you want to try and brainwash peoples minds into believing they should keep their virginity. I hate the hippocrasy and how people like you go on trying to make everyone feel so guilty.
        Having sex is like any other bodily function. Let girls make up their own minds how they want to deal with their sexuality, when they want to have sex and with whom they want to have sex with.
        Please dont try to bullshit and mislead girls with your stupid virtuous stories.

        Keep your male perspective to yourself. LIAR!!!!

        • some guy

          Well, if throwing you v-card to the dumpster is your way of life then may you find bliss in all your desires. I speak from what I’m going through, some guy who truly loves some girl but at the same time longing what has gone. This v-card is an honor for the man of your life, you’re going to remember the first time you do it girls, I believe and I’m sure for the rest of your life and what a waste if it’s not for the man who’s gonna love, commit and preach the vow in the pursuit of happiness in your life. I believe most of the time if you just wait for the right man, it’s gonna worth a lifetime.

    • rubina

      “Virginity ..very precious”, “virginity..most expensive” .. “men tend to respect you more when you are a virgin”

      Wow Gabriella, you are the types of girls who are perpetuating this nonsense.

      Tell me who decided that virginity was priceless and that men respect you more when you are a virgin? Why is it that ONLY women need to conform and remain pure just because some goddamn male dominated society has put a price tag on our virginity?

      Dont you think this is a form of control by society on something that is your own, personal, bodily function. Dont you think it is only you who needs to decide if you want to remain a virgin or not. But you are succumbing to male pressure ie by saying and repeating what males desire ie males respect you more when you are a virgin !!!

      You are one stupid imbecile who perpetuates such prehistoric attitudes.

      How is it that there is no moral tag placed on a guys virginity?? Dont girls value that in a guy?? Why isnt that being emphasized?? Why is it that you expect girls to submit to whatever society demands from them. Geez Gabriella you are an embarrassment!!

  • Queenjulie

    I still hve my v-card and i intend keeping it till i meet my mr right.my opinion abt viginity is dat as a gal or guy.it is pride,a virtue.sex is nt wat we are 2 rush into.lets take our time,majority of guys just want we gals 4 sex ntin more.we are nt rags 2 b used and dumped.instead of falling into da hands of da wrong guys ,i tell u its beta 4 one 2 wait.so dat at da end of da day u will be proud of urself and ur mr rite proud of u 2.u will be blessed by G od and lest i 4get dere is a unique blessing attached 2 keeping one’s v-card.keep it.

  • Tanesha

    I’m 14 years old and every boy I talk to has asked if I was a Virgin (I am) and they ask me could they be my first I say yes because To be honest I don’t like being a virgin. All of my friends aren’t virgins and when they talk about having sex i feel left out all the time and I feel like I have to lose my virginity to fit in with them. My current boyfriend asks me every day when are we going to have sex, I’ve told him I’m a virgin but he still wants to have sex with me. I’ve agreed to have sex with him but I’m also afraid …… Should I wait or do it?

    Ps I’m not planning on waiting

    • LavenderGurl

      Tanesha, it is you who needs to decide if you want to have sex or not. Dont go asking others to make your mind up for you. The questions that you need to ask are
      a) do you like the guy you are going to do it with?
      b) are you knowledgeable about precautions against STDs and pregnancy
      c) are you sure he does not have a STD ( if he is a virgin too he is unlikely to have an STD, but I would prefer someone older and with experience because you want your first time to be mind blowing and with someone who knows what he is doing)
      d) are you comfortable with your body?
      e) have you experimented with yourself ie have you masturbated and have you experienced what an orgasm is? if not try masturbating so you feel comfortable with the sensations of sex and get to know what to expect.
      f) do you have somewhere private to do it, so you can take your time and enjoy the whole experience without rush?
      g) will you be able to handle the emotions that go with having sex. Those emotions are very beautiful and the sex makes them stronger
      h) if you have an older bf, can you keep it a secret?

      You may be 14 but thats not an issue. You also need to be wise so no one hangs crap on you telling you that you are so young and immature and wont be able to make your mind up. Prove them wrong. Be confident and secure. By addressing all those questions you will empower yourself and you will be in more control to enjoy what nature intended for you to enjoy. The decision is purely yours.

      Lastly, make sure you have a tube of lube. Very handy and a must for ALL first timers.

      Sex should not hurt provided you are well aroused, horny and very well lubricated.

      Good luck and enjoy yourself.

    • gabrella

      i really think u should wait!!!

    • Lorraine

      Have sex only by mutual agreement not because society wants you to do it.

  • Rosebud

    I started very early. I will be 15 in a few months, but I had a boyfriend when I was 12 and started experimenting with him. I enjoyed the whole thing and the sensations were just divine. I dont think I even had a clue about virginity and the unnecessary emphasis and importance girls or society lay on being a virgin. I dont understand whats the big deal. I dont think it is a virtue and neither is it bad to have lost your virginity. My bf was a lot older and everyone will think that he took advantage and crazy stuff like that. I agree he initiated everything. The oral sex, the fingering, the making out, the repeated orgasms were just great. He would get me so sexually aroused and make me orgasm so much that those orgasms would last even after I reached home. He taught me to masturbate even after I went home, after I had been with him. I was naive so, quite rightly, he had to start me off. He was the nicest guy and he taught me so much. I started my periods when I was 10 so I was well developed physically by the time I was 12. Just before I turned 13 he decided I was ready for what he called “the grand slam”
    I lost my virginity to him and we had such a hectic and active sexual relationship for a year.We still hook up but not as frequently as before. I think he was worried that we might be discovered doing things and then it would be quite messy. We still meet up and have sex at his place but we have decided to keep it quiet till I am 16.
    I think there is nothing wrong with losing your virginity. I just hate when girls make it sound like a virtue and judge those who have lost their virginity.
    I bet someone will comment about how wrong it is for an older guy to be having sex with someone as young as me. To them I say just “eff off” I can do whatever I want. It is my decision and my body. I dont want anyone telling me that I am not mature or not ready or that my bf took advantage of me or raped me. Let me tell them, that they are not in my shoes and I dont care what the law determines as right or wrong. I will follow my mind and heart. I am quite capable of doing that.

  • Giu

    I’m still a virgin (I’m 21) And I’m in no rush to lose it… And some people have the nerve to criticise us, or call us frigid or childish or dreamers, just cause we want to decide when to have sex and not be pushed to by guys? Why is it wrong to be virgins after 18? It’s not like we’ll be virgins forever… and if we are, it’s none of other people business. I also don’t understand why it is such a big deal in society… It’s all about sex and why aren’t you doing it, instead of finding peace, enlightment, accepting everybody the way the are, and even the way they think or feel….

  • mackenzie

    In my opinion, sex is literally THE most natural thing on earth. Why does society have to make it such a complicated, huge deal. No one should be judged for doing something that we, as humans, and animals for that matter, are biologically programmed to do.The concept of virginity is just ridiculous to me

    • Wise15yroldGurl

      I totally agree with you. This is so true and our society seems to want to control and decide when and with whom we have sex. This is so against how we are programmed. My mom was so open with me when I first started my periods at 11 and she said that I was ready for sex because nature has decided that. She said it was up to me what I wanted to do and with whomsoever I wanted to do it with. She advised me though that I must be careful and protect myself against diseases and pregnancy because I was still too young to have a child and care for it. I think that was such sound advice and I have no hang ups about sex. I have a much older bf and my mom knows I have a bf but I havent told her his age. The law will see it as illegal but I know in my mind thats my decision and nothing to do with the law. NO ONE CONTROLS MY SEXUALITY. My sexuality is my birth right.

  • Eeva95

    iJuss think its the “right time” stuff ….m waiting forrr!

  • ish

    This is absolutely true! I recently lost my virginity and I was one of the last in my group of friends. I hated people telling me I wasn’t ready when I knew that I was, I just didn’t have the opportunity. You know yourself, you know what you want. Don’t let people make it any more of a big deal than you want it to be. It is probably easiest to find an experienced player type guy, because they’ll able to guide you through and probably initiate the whole thing.

  • Amanda

    Do you wanna have a husband who fucked around before you and will probably fuck around while with you? You don’t want that gurls. My point is, virginity is not to be thrown, it is to be honored by a person who’s going to be with you for the rest of his life, taking good care of you and love you like a real husband. If you want to have an honorable and worthy marriage, happiness that you can get that’s not wasted on some cheap luck sex. Then wait, for someone that truly loves you for he can give greater sex than any moreover greater life, things going to be much better in marriage because it’s worth the wait. Be a real lady 🙂

    • Mary

      Plenty of people with successful marriages weren’t virgins when they married and plenty who did and their marriages aren’t successiful. There isn’t a strong correlation between virginity and successful marriages. Also you can be a lady and lost your virginity.

      • Amanda

        Could be true, but virginity is only given once in your lifetime. Why not make it worth for someone who really cares, who would make a vow to be with you through thick and thin of life. Unless you think it’s not a big deal, nothing special about reserving yourself for someone like your future husband, your choice.

        • ff

          Its not given you moron. Its a damn piece of skin that you happen to be born with

          • Nina

            Well that’s your opinon. I think she puts more enphasis on a girl first time because it’s suppose to be intimate not ‘just a piece of skin’ that your born with :/ it sort of offensive that you think of it such a crude manner. And it is ofcourse up to you if you feel like exploring your sexuality before marriage.There is nothing wrong with it. I just think that if your marriage it’s just so sweet and intimate on your honeymoon and stuff(since your both shy and unexperienced)^.^

          • tt

            well even if its a pice of skin , i still value mine. i don’t want to be just a pice of tissue that a guy uses to wipe his butt and then discard. some of these guys ofter hooking up with every girl in town, they don’t tend to want the ones that they and the other boys have had. i believe that we should not allow ppl to use us so , if that mean waiting i’ll wait

    • Ollie Hernandez

      Well, if a person wants to explore their sexuality before they’re married, that’s their choice. Your virginity does not need to have a label attached to it. And if someone wants to lose it to a guy friend, that doesn’t make them less of a lady.

    • Eeva95

      thanks

    • Giu

      Ok, so I still have my V-card, and would like to keep it for some time (hopefully till I get married, but I’m not sealing it with blood), but some people don’t think it’s so important, or others just want to have fun with their partners… I don’t see how any of those stands are wrong… I think it’s just the way each one of us sees life, love and sex.
      By the way, I dont think sex is a life saver for a marriage. I’ve met two people who got married because she got pregnant. 20-year marriage and counting.
      People who got married as virgins, still married. Another couple separated.
      Another that totally had sex before marriage, still married.
      Others who never got married, had the most beautiful daughter, still together…
      I think it’s just as wrong to expect others to do things the way we want them done, as it is getting people pushing us around to do whatever they want from us….

      • Giu

        Btw, if you let sex rule your entire marriage, and if it works out it’s only cause of sex, there’s something wrong with that couple… But, once again, that’s MY opinion, and doesn’t have to be the right one….

    • ff

      misogyny in action. and coming from a woman. thats the worst kind

    • gabrella

      soooo true!!!!

    • Sky

      Okay ladies, I have read all the comments and this is my opinion…just my opinion. If this offends anyone’s beliefs or anything to be honest I don’t mean to be ignorant of your religious beliefs or your sexual beliefs and such. I believe that you should not wait for marriage, but you should treat your virginity with respect. I do not think that losing your virginity should determine what people think of you or your charicter. You are you and you made an adult decision. If you think you’re ready you are if you have to think longer than 5 seconds on whether or not you want to have sex you’re not. Just follow what your heart says. Also to the religious people if you really have religious faith in God and his word s/he will take care of it when the time comes… I mean seriously where does your religious faith go when these topics come up? After all it’s not your life or your choice it’s theirs

  • rosie

    I’m 20 and still a virgin. I’ve had a few boyfriends but never felt like they were the guy I wanted to have my first time with. Yes I am saving myself with someone special as cliché as that sounds. I don’t mean that in a gay fairy tale way, I’m open to having sex before marriage if I feel that connection with someone. Like my current boyfriend who I’ve been with for 7 months, I’d like to give him my virginity while I’ve had a boyfriend for over a year and yeah I fancied him like mad but didn’t feel I wanted to have sex with him. Something that really pissed me off is when I was beginning to get intimate with a ex and told him I was a virgin he had the audacity to say “oh I don’t mind thats not an issue” which literally made my blood boil. Baffled as to how some people can judge our own decisions about whether or not we want to have sex with certain people or at all. Like wtf, how can us girls exercising our will and judgement be judged in anyway frigid or immature etc. Virgins by choice should be proud of themselves.

    • Giu

      Totally agree!!!

  • GabbyMariz

    I don’t wanna be a virgin anymore…