I’m A Virgin, But Here’s Why I Don’t Care About My V-Card

Being a 22-year-old virgin is super fun because I get to be subjected to a bunch of assumptions as to why I still have my V-card. Theses assumptions include but are not limited to the following:

  1. I’m waiting for the perfect guy/relationship to come along.
  2. I’m waiting for marriage.
  3. I’m waiting for my celebrity crush to become single so that I can snatch him up before another model beats me to the punch.

Out of these three options, option number three is the closest to reality, which says a lot about how true these assumptions really are.

Here’s the common misconception that I think a lot of people have about virgins over the age of 18: We’re all waiting for some moral or personal reason. People think we want to wait for the long-term relationship, we want to wait until we get the bible’s stamp of approval, we want to wait until we make the perfect slow jams playlist and not a second sooner, etc.

While that might be true for plenty of gals who haven’t had the ol’ sexual intercourse, it’s not true for all of us.

Let me be frank: I’m not waiting for a perfect scenario or because of religion or any of that stuff. I’m not even waitingbecause I’m not attached to my virginity whatsoever.

Honestly, if my v-card could be compared to anything, it is sort of like when you just finished a tiny bag of chips but you can’t find a trash can to throw it away, so you sort of awkwardly hang onto it, maybe stuff it in your purse and tell yourself that you’re going to throw it out the second you find a trash can. But then you forget about it and then the next day you notice that it’s still in there and you go, “Huh, whoops, forgot about that, I guess.” So basically, imagine that I’ve been carrying this empty chips bag in my purse for the past few years and I’ve never been near a trash can whenever I remember that I need to throw it out. In a nutshell, that’s how I see my virginity.

Does that make sense? Or do you just want some chips right now?

I think that the concept of virginity is at best sexist and at worst a masochistic ploy to make teens and young adults rely on the history of their privates to dictate their desirability or lack thereof. But when it comes to the v-card, I just haven’t come across the right set of circumstances to make a hookup move from hapless fantasy to reality.

Friends of mine have told me that all I need to do is go to a party, find some guy, stick my tongue down his throat and the rest is up to the party gods and the accessibility to birth control. Well, maybe that’s easier said than done for some of us. I’m not even the shy type whatsoever, but I just haven’t really had an opportunity to get to a point of mutual “hey let’s make out and do stuff sometime” territory with a guy yet.

I’m usually okay with that, even though I can get a little self-conscious about it every now and then. It sucks, but I’m not as bummed out about it as you might think. I know that it’ll happen, hopefully sooner rather than later, but I just wish that people would stop assuming that not having sex means that I’m either being super prudish or put a lot of value in my virginity.

Sometimes not having sex yet just means you haven’t gotten around to having sex yet. Nothing more, nothing less. It is what it is!

Are any of you in the same boat? Is or was the idea of losing your virginity a big deal to you or not? Tell us in the comments!

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  • kris

    I just turned 26 and I am still a virgin. Let me just explicitly say that I am not holding on to it like some national treasure. Trust me it’s nothing special. Instead I feel incomplete in a way. Like there’s this part of that still doesn’t know what I will be like when it comes to sex. Honestly, if I only had the self-esteem I would have given (not throw away) my virginity a long time ago. But no, I grew up in a house where remaining a virgin is considered the greatest gift a bride can ever give to her groom, which is b-s by the way.

  • Cadence Wallace

    I’m 19-years old, reasonably attractive, smart, extremely quirky but many people consider me exotic not for my virginity but for this: I’m one of those ” rare” African-American Metalhead chicks so a lot of guys basically are like so shocked when they ask me about music and the first thing outta my mouth is “Oh I like Amon Amarth, Powerwolf, Slayer, Black Sabbath, Suffacation, Venom, DevilDriver ect”. As for my V card I’m not gonna go jump on the first guy that winks at me, but I’m not keeping my virginity for religious reasons. But I don’t really wanna have a one night stand either. And frankly I’d rather not be a virgin, I mean virgins get sacrificed to dragons, demons and monsters. So uhh yeah so much for the elevated status of virgins *eyerole*.

  • No one Special

    I’m 14 years old and my bf wanna have sex. I mean, I wouldn’t mind and all but I do think it’s kinda wrong. Losing ur V-Card as young as I am pretty normal now and I see it as sad. I totally agree with u, I just hadn’t have the time to do it. Or really felt the need to do it but this guy is special to me. On my mind day and night, I have other ppl wanting my attention and I feel stupid that I keep wanting his. I mean, honestly when a guy say u can go with another guy I should leave, but I keep fighting and I need to stop. He’s saying that to really call me his he wants my V-Card. I’m literally talking to him about this conversation as I type. I wanna give it to him, but the. I don’t. But losing him seems like the end of the world. Maybe I’m over reacting but idk wat I should do. I’m still a teen and I have a lot to learn bout life and REAL struggles but this is as real as i’mma get at this age.

  • Amy

    Since I’m 13, I’m not looking around the mall for a tall,muscled,hot hunk of a guy to give my virginity to(not that I’m not doing that) but as we get older suddenly there’s this big pressure on us to have a BF/GF, first kiss and sex.Which my answer is no to all of those questions): Gee, sorry for NOT being a sex kitten or party animal. I would rather go read a book on that whole relationship thing so I can get knowledge on that subject and just shut that book when it’s done. I want to be in my 20’s when I have sex cause let’s face it, when your 19 or younger, people think of you as kids.In your 20’s they KNOW you’re an adult. That and so I know I’m moved out of the house. Kind hard to sneak in a lover on the top of a bunk bed, lol.

  • mary

    This article put my thoughts into words.
    I’m 19 turning 20 in a couple months and I still have the “v-card.”
    I can be a little awkward and shy but having sex hasn’t ever been my top priority.
    And this article really defines that for me.

  • Robin

    Thank you so much for writing this. I have never had my feelings towards my omnipresent virginity summed up so accurately.

    I’m 20 and can sum up the extent of my intimate experiences with men in one (hideously awkward) date, and one drunken hook up in a club one night, which I have no desire to repeat.

    What irritates me the most about my lack of experience in the intimacy department is actually the fact that other people think they have a right to judge and to assume things about me as a result. I frequently get asked things like: Why are you so frigid? Are you a lesbian? Are you waiting for Marriage/the right guy? Often, these invasive questions are asked by people who don’t know me, and whom quite frankly have absolutely no right to assume anything about my private life.

    It doesn’t bother me 90% of the time, so why it bothers other people, I’ll never know.

    Once again, thanks so much. This made my night.

  • Emily

    I’m 19 and I’m still a virgin. I’m ashamed to say it because of what everyone thinks nowadays. I don’t live in America but in the Netherlands but it’s not much different. I don’t get why people make such a big fuss about being a virgin. This guy and I were talking one day and he was talking about sex like I was supposed to have done “it” already. When I told him I hadn’t he was shocked and said: Why not? You’re a cute girl you could snag any guy…. I just told him I didn’t want to yet and he stopped talking to me completely… It’s super awkward as well cause he’s in my class..
    To be honest I don’t care about it that much either but I think it should be with somebody that you care deeply about. I had a boyfriend for 7 months and I could tell that he wanted to have sex and we almost did 2 but I stopped him every time. I eventually broke up with him because I didn’t see our relationship going anywhere. How can I be in a relationship with a person who I won’t even sleep in the same bed with (I only slept over 2 in those 7 months and 1 time i was drunk…)
    Sometimes I feel like giving up and throwing myself at the first person who comes along but I know I’m not that type of girl…It’s just frustrating to know that ALL of your friends have done it but you haven’t. It kinda makes me feel like an outcast..

    • harry

      I can understand this pressure.you are dating very young guys who are less mature than you and just want a shag.date guys who are little older and understand more what a girl like you deserves.

  • Abbie

    I have never identified with anything more than i do with the potato chip analogy.

  • Nicki

    I’m 18 and I’m totally on board with you. I think it’s silly that media has portrayed it as normal to lose your virginity at 16 and awkward when you haven’t before you go to college (and then assuming it’s because of the reasons you mentioned.) I love the potato chip bag analogy. Extremely accurate.

    • cuteLilone

      There is nothing normal about holding on to your virginity. There is nothing abnormal either about losing it when you want to lose it. What the media is doing is to remove the stupid emotions, the falsehoods and myths surrounding loss of virginity, thus making it a “normal” thing, a natural, normal phenomenon that for centuries society has put a moral or religious tag on it and made a virtue of it. There is a sort of price put on a womans virginity and women are forced to conform because there is a belief that they are “more marriageable” Are we catering to the desires of males??? This is the crap that goes on in society. There is no harm in holding on to your virginity, but to put a value and a price on it is really stupid. To take it further, even the law is involved when a young teen girl is mutually and agreeably involved with an older guy and is having sex of her own will. This is absurd. Totally wrong!!
      Sex is a normal perfectly natural function of your body. Think of it that way and see how stupid all those moralistic snobs sound.

  • Lauren

    This is honestly a fantastic and completely accurate description. I’ve been talking about virginity recently with my friends but couldn’t really put into words the way I felt without sounding like I had little respect for myself. Honestly, I respect myself and my health/sexuality very much and I don’t need society and its mindset to tell me how to feel otherwise. Sexuality is a personal thing and as long as you are safe, you shouldn’t feel bad about doing whatever it is that makes you feel good. This was a great post and thank you for writing this.

  • Rebekah

    Now I want me some freaking potato chips

  • desmallz

    Im a 21 year old virgin and I kind of agree with the “potato chip” analogy. Except for the few times that I have hooked up with the guy that I didn’t know, I couldn’t and didn’t want to go through with it. But there have been other times that I have been with guys that I do know and I’m as ready as can be, but nothing happens. So I would say it also depends on how comfortable you are with the guy you are with.

  • Anonymous

    I’m 18,Freshman in college, still a virgin, and haven’t been in a real relationship yet. Personally, I cherish my Virginity and I would absolutely love to wait until marriage, for religious reasons and also because well, I don’t see why not. Everybody is different, I have close friends who lost theirs early in High school, to each his own. Some regret it, some don’t. I think its CRAZY to think of virginity of something that’s equivalent to a bag of chips, but then again I was raised to have a different set of morals and values which I’m very proud of. When I tell people i”m 18 and a Virgin, I get congratulated which I think is sad. Society has gotten so used to young girls walking around having sex like its the new thing to do. A lot of these young people usually only think of the pleasure aspect even if they use a condom… They don’t think that they could very well get pregnant (condoms break, it happens). Even if your on Birth Control, umm hello…STD’S.
    I’m not saying people who have sex are bad people and that you should never have sex because there are consequences but to be careful and realistic. Also, I strongly believe that if your “grown” enough to have sex, your (automatically) “grown” enough to take care of a child. Regardless of what steps you take to prevent it, if you get pregnant you should know to take responsibility of the fact this is a result of you having sex…even if it wasn’t your intention. That goes for the girl and the boy, some guys are quick to dip when their partner ends up pregnant…