Should Your Parents Let You Have Sex At Home?

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They’re thirsty in more ways than one. | Source: Shutterstock

The idea of hooking up with somebody under the watchful eye of our parents isn’t exactly sexy. In fact, the very idea reminds me of Regina George’s “cool mom” who had so much fun living vicariously through her daughter in Mean Girls that she enthusiastically suggested that she give her daughter a condom mid hookup session.

But according to the New York Times, it’s becoming increasingly common for progressive parents to allow their kids to have their boyfriend or girlfriend spend the night.

We all know what that means, right? Sexing it up in your bedroom with your creepy Taylor Lautner poster that you haven’t thrown out (yet) staring back at you and–this is key–your parents’ approval.

Well, I’m of two minds about this.

Logistically this is a good move. Parents know what their kid could be getting up to once they’re in some kind of romantic relationship. The thought might make them want to die, but they know what’s up. So why not make sure that they’re fooling around in a safe environment instead of being reckless and sneaking off somewhere to get the job done? It’s a bit like the justification for drinking under the parents’ roof: They’d rather you do it in the home so that they can make sure you’re okay than out in the streets without any adult supervision.

Because most teen drinking occurs in the mean, suburban streets… or something.

So, theoretically, having these boyfriend/girlfriend sexy sleepover fun times is more about maintaining a sense of parental control than trying to score cool points with the kids these days. That’s great and doesn’t venture into cool mom territory.

So when does the other half of my mind come in? Honestly, the only problem I have with all of this is totally personal. I never had to deal with this kind of situation when I was a teenager, but if I did there was no way that my parents would feel comfortable with having my boyfriend spend the night in my bed so that we could get it on.

Also, there is no way I’d ever want my parents to even fathom the idea of me having sex in the first place, especially not when I was 16-years-old, especially under their roof, especially when sex is not the most silent extracurricular activity. Maybe this is a little weird, but as progressive as my family is, we’re pretty puritanical in the realm of sex. I mean, they never even gave me The Talk, not that I regret that or anything.

When all is said and done, however, my personal aversion to this isn’t important. It all comes down to comfort level. If your parents are okay with you having your boyfriend or girlfriend spend the night doing everything other than sleeping, I think that that shows a pretty healthy amount of mutual trust that usually isn’t seen in teen vs. parent dynamics. Sure, I’m still cringing about the very thought of all of this, but I know that it’s right. It’s so much better than having parents who don’t want you to have any freedom with your love life and would prefer that you have cramped sex in your boyfriend’s burnt out Honda Civic in the middle of nowhere than in a safe space.

Besides, isn’t that how a ton of horror movies start? Might want to avoid that.

But what do you all think about this? Is it weird that some parents let their kids have their boyfriends and girlfriends spend the night? Would your parents be cool with it? Tell us in the comments!

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  • Ashley

    I have met two moms that let their kids have sex at home. My daughter is 13 and got her first real boyfriend. They talked on the phone for two weeks and really started to like each other. I let them start to date. It lasted two months. I got to know the boy. I started to think that if in the future my daughter and a boy develop strong feelings for one another, and have been dating at least 6 months I might allow her boyfriend to spend the night.

  • Michelle

    Look, if it were your little sister would you be ok with her having sex in your parents house?
    If kids want to have sex then when they turn 18, let them get their own place. I had cousins who were allowed to do this, and they are really messed up. Where is Dad in these scenarios. Girls should value themselves. I was a very horny virgin, but my Dad protected me. I’m glad he was strict. Sleeping around is just an excuse, people -especially girls lie to themselves about casual sex. I got plenty of it after I left my Dad’s house, so I know what I’m talking about. But I was responsible and had two jobs. Looking back, I know that when you sleep around, you are kidding yourself. People sleep around because they need an emotional fix.

    • very excited !

      you equate sex with “self value”

      What a load of hogwash!!

      So, you think girls sleep around because they need an emotional fix? How perverse is your thought process. How narrow is your perspective and how primitive too.

      Your attitudes to sex are so bizzarre. Your attitudes dont refelct what younger teens think.

      How does turning 18 make it better. From the way you explain, that would still be an “emotional fix”

      Girls like you are the reason why women are still suppressed and are so scared to express themselves sexually.

      Do you not realise that having sex has nothing to do with religion or morals or what society or the law thinks? You should read the number of posts on this.

      Sex BTW is a function of your body and you are wired that way.

      What is very important when you have sex is for you to be safe and make sure you are protected from STDs and pregnancy. Nothing more. Who you have sex with is also ONLY your business.

      I am not saying that parents should allow kids to have sex openly in the house. I dont agree with that. But I disagree whole heartedly about your attitude towards sex.

  • Pandabear

    I think parents being open about it is fine but the thing is the whole family needs to be okay with the decision because it is a loud activity. I have to listen to my sister and her bf almost everyday and I hate it and she knows I do but she does it any because for her its the most comfortable. I think that’s when it becomes an issue when the parents disregard the siblings. (her room is next to mine)
    plus personally i would never be able to do anything with my bf with anyone in the house at the same time. its private.

  • FamilyGirl

    I let my 2 daughters have sex at home at least they know they have somewhere safe to do it I know their bf real well & trust him. If your not open about sex & give your children some freedom about their choices, how do you expect them to talk to you about sex or anything come to that, if children are going to have sex then their going to have sex or what ever it is they want to do, weather you say they can or not I would just rather be there for any questions they have or if thing don’t go as they expect but I do have rules which we discuss as the relationship grows.
    btw I am 30

    • eyeamnicegirl

      You “trust him”???? That makes no sense. In fact it is stupid. That’s like trusting a cat to scratch up your furniture, or trusting a dog to pee on the carpet. Trust would involve better than basic animal behavior, as in trusting the boyfriend to keep it in his pants. I get it, most teenagers, at one point or another, have sex. More than 50% by their 17th birthday, and roughly 90% by their 19th birthday. And most teens (by age 19) have consumed alcohol at least once, and most of those consumed it in sufficient quality to become drunk. But the parent’s job is to point their child in the right direction. If parents don’t tell children the BEST way to live life, then nobody will; and if parents don’t teach their children well, they will never settle down and make good adult citizens. Children need to be taught right from wrong, and best from not-so-good. Sure, teens/young adults are still going to misbehave (I did), but when I discovered for myself that there is a downside to the misbehavior (even thought it is/was fun while I was doing it), I had the seeds my parents planted in me years prior suddenly sprout and provide me with the needed understanding, and the recognition that their way (on most things) really is the best way to do life. Who knows, in another 10 years, I might even agree with them on the few things that I still don’t agree. Now, related to the topic at hand; my parents never entertained the approval of sex unless I was married first. No, it didn’t stop me from having sex (probably delayed it though), but when it seemed that my dating relationships always had a hard to identify flaw (basically good guys, just wasn’t working), it finally dawned on me that the root problem was having sex before it was proper to do so. So, at age 23 and after still another failure in the romance world, I changed my decision process to willingly do what my parents had told me all along — wait for marriage. I learned that a LOT of guys would disappear after three of four dates when they recognized couldn’t get much further than a good kiss; but sill, that hard to identify flaw in those relationships was gone. Maybe I was on to something? Just after my 25th birthday, I met a guy and started dating. He never pushed me for sex. He actually liked ME, and made me feel like the most special girl on the planet. Two years later we got married . . . and then we had sex. And OMG, it was awesome. It still is awesome. Don’t get me wrong, i liked sex back in my college days, too. But putting it in the right place, and right order in the relationship truly does make for the best sex ever. I literally would have never been in this place I’m in today if not for my parents teaching (and trying to enforce) the old-fashioned standards when raising me.

      So, the guy you can trust to NOT have sex with your daughter is the good guy. Don’t get me wrong, my now husband was certainly desiring of sex when we were dating. But I could totally trust him to not go there, even at moments when (frankly speaking) I was horny as a mountain goat and he definitely could have gotten it. He knew the BEST thing was to not go there, and he loved me so much that he didn’t. I know that sounds foreign to you, but the fact that I could totally trust him like that made everything else in the relationship better, stronger, and deeper, and now that we are married, LOL, I think I’m going to go wake him up for some morning sex right now, I’m getting horny just telling you about all this. Gotta go.

  • Akela

    I think parents should let their teens have sex at home because it’s safer first of all. And they will at least know that their child is not having sex in crazy places and that they are at least some where safe having sex!

  • MichaelaB

    Personally I think that your parents letting you and your significant other “get it on” in the house is a good thing. I still have my v-card, but if I do decide to have sex, I hope my mom will give me enough trust to have sex in my room.Honestly I think my mom would be cool with it, because I once asked her if my guy friend could spend the night and she said yes… And if you parents think you’re you’re mature enough for this, imagine what else they whom left you do…

  • Shocked Girl

    Quite Frankly, I don’t understand why parents would EVER be okay with their children doing “it” in their own house or, ANYWHERE! I think it is okay once you are married, NEVER before. This way you know that if you do end up getting pregnant that this guy will help and support you. And won’t just drop you after your first “session.”

  • Roselove445

    Honestly I would have a bigger problem with this than my mom would. My mom is still totally surprised that I haven’t started doing “it”. One time my long time boyfriend (Now ex) came over to my house one night just to watch movies and my mom went out with her friends. When she came home she said in a very loud voice “Why haven’t you guys have sex yet? I give you these opportunities for a reason.” That was so awkward

  • abbiekat

    my parents know i have sex and they believe its healthy provided its what i want. i’ve brought two different guys home, the second a few times. it does feel odd like ur waiting in the doctors office lol. i know the guys have felt a bit weird chatting to my mom n my siblings n at some point u gotta say ‘excuse us we’re going upstairs’ – my dad goes away a lot (military) – i dont think i could bring a guy home wen he’s home – he knows though.

    from my side i think its awesome that i can be in a safe place. its comfortable for me. its also awesome wen he stays cos we can cuddle n wake up together…cuddling is the best

    im new here, this is my first post

  • Ikra

    Well im 15 no one knows abut my bf but it woul be really creepy to think my bros in the next room or my bf mom know weird cant tel ma parents abut stuff like that’s just weird

  • Louise

    i’m only 14, but i can’t really imagine my parents (or me) ever being comfortable with me having sex in my house; but that’s just because my room is RIGHT next to my parnent’s and the wall is very very thin. (seriously. i can hear my dad snoring at night!)

  • CloverTea123

    Personally, I don’t even want that. The thought of my dad knowing I’m having sex and him being OK is just weird, creepy, and…….wrong. He’s supposed to have an issue. All parents are. And when I have kids, I will have an issue with them having sex, too. When I’m 18 then yeah they need to accept it, but other wise no.
    I’m not saying that it’s wrong to have sex before your 18, but it’s wrong for your parent’s to support it. The condom could break, and birth-control are never 100% worry free. It’s they’re job to at least try to prevent their kid’s from fucking up their future because of an hour of pleasure.

  • Turtleshelll

    This is very common in the Netherlands, some have suggested this helps attribute to their low teen pregnancy and STD rates.

  • Tayy

    My boyfriend’s mom lets me spend the night quite frequently, and my dad obliges to send me over there just as often. She allows us to stay upstairs in his room with the door locked and sleep like that all night. She knows we have sex and so does my dad. We had our first sleepover at 6+ months I believe anyway it was at a time when they trusted the relationship was serious. I don’t see the big deal. Sometimes she is the one that insists I stay another night. I think the more normal it is to have sleepovers the more comfortable and open you will be with your parents about birth control and things of that nature.