The entire world is still on a vampire kick, and I get it. I mean, they’re sexy and dangerous (real vampires, not sparkly ones). I understand the appeal. After seeing what happened to Bella in Twilight [SPOILER ALERT] when she gets pregnant by her vampy true love, I came to realize that despite being sexy, vampires are clearly lacking in sexual education.
Now, there are a bunch of vampire worlds with various vampire rules. We’ve got Twilight, True Blood, The Vampire Diaries. They all have different vamp lives, but I feel like the logistics are all pretty similar. And none of them are responsible about their sex lives.
So let’s talk about vampire sex ed, shall we?
If vampires don't have bloodflow, how do vampire erections work?
Seriously, vampires never have condoms! That is not okay!
Do vampires get periods? Is it a turn on? Period sex is totally normal, but I think vampires would be too into it.
Birth Control Pills
I feel like vampires can't take medication for some reason. Is this a Vampire Diaries situation where Klaus' blood is birth control or something? Does Dr. Cullen have a special shot just for vampires?
We know vampires can impregnate humans thanks to Edward and Bella. But can vampires get other vampires pregnant?
Are vampires immune? I mean, they heal instantly. In every show, vampires never whip out a condom.
Sex With Humans
Humans can get pregnant. If vamps can't get STDs, what if they're carriers? Humans can get STDs. Do vampires want to kill humans if they sleep with them?
Can you have sex in a coffin-bed? Do you have to sleep there? What's the protocol?
I feel like oral sex with vampires is a recipe for disaster. Do they have something to protect against the fangs? What's the deal? You can't tell me vamps are against oral sex.
Can vampires give hickies to humans? Or is it too tempting to bite and eat said human?
Do you have any questions about sex ed for vampires? Do you have any answers? Tell us in the comments!