Comments Of The Week: 10 Of Your Comments About Virginity

Virginity is a pretty controversial topic. With its associations with purity and innocence, a woman’s virginity or lack thereof can easily be conflated with her worth even though it obviously shouldn’t be. And yes, I purposefully specified women because, let’s be real, our society largely cares very little about the purity an innocence of men.

Even for those of us who are critical of how virginity is handled by our society, religious groups, or our friends and family, it is hard not to view virginity or the loss of it with some level of importance.

But how is virginity defined? Is it all about penetration? If so, where does that leave lesbian partners? Is virginity even important? And how do you know if you’re ready to have sex for the first time? Here’s what 10 of you, our awesome readers, had to say about virginity. Check it out and see if your comment was included!

From What Is Virginity?

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From How To Tell Him “I’m A Virgin”

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From My First Time Having Sex

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From 10 Virgins We Wouldn’t Kick Outta Bed

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From I Regret Losing My Virginity. Now What?

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From Losing Your Virginity May Not Be A Big Deal!

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From Losing Your Virginity May Not Be A Big Deal!

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From What Is Virginity?

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From Is It Okay To Be A Virgin At 17?

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From Will People Be Able To Tell When You Lose Your Virginity?

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So do you think virginity is important? Do you think that it is too hetero? In what ways do you think that virginity differs between guys and girls? Tell us in the comments! 

From The Message Boards: Did I Lose My Virginity?

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  • Maggie

    I’m a 23 – almost 24 – y.o. virgin. I’ve been with my current bf for only 2 months but I really want to give it to him. (I don’t believe you lose your virginity. You give it. The only way to lose it is if you get raped. You choose who you’re giving it to). We were going out for 4 months before actually being a couple. Sometimes I want to tell him I love him. Because I think that’s what I feel for him. Love. But I need to be sure he loves me.
    He lives in a city that is 26 miles away from mine. If there is traffic he could take up to 1-2 hours to get to my city. We work together but in different departments nd his shift is until 2 pm and mine until 7. Sometimes he waits for me (or changes his shift) and gives me a ride home. He’s met all my family already. I don’t know, I don’t want to think I love him. Or accept I do. I’m moving to another country in two months. But I want to have my first time with him.
    I’ve read that no one can tell if you’re no longer a virgin. But my grandma is always saying who is and who isn’t. I’m afraid she has some secret. I don’t know. At the end of the day is my choice, not my family’s.
    But what actually scares me is that I don’t know if he loves me. I’m afraid I would give it to him and then he will dump me. That’s what actually scares me.

  • Crystal

    First , Being a virgin in this day and age can be SUPER hard (sometimes I feel like my Jesus, just joking ) . I love that when guys ask me “are you a virgin ” I can say with pride “yes, I am is that going to be a problem” ( for some yes it was) . I know a lot about sex ..maybe more then the next person, and if you and me was having a conversation would think ” WOW!! this girl had sex before”, but the truth is I’m afraid to have sex…. Yeah , I said it I. AM. AFRAID. TO. HAVE. SEX. There are so many things to think about that the thought of it scares the shit out of me. Like , “how do you know that you are his first?” ,”what if he had a STD?”,” Where would we do it? ” , “Would my cherry pop?”, “Is he really the one?”, “Who much would it hurt?” ( I don’t like pain) or “What if we break up?” Yeah I get it, people break up all the time but, if you love someone so much even on a intimate level and had a ultimately amazing connection and then break up with them. What chance do I have? Maybe its just me or I’m overanalyzing the whole aspect of sex but I honestly don’t get at all ! I’m not pursued by the media or friends, cause “sex” is everywhere you cant say anything that isn’t remotely related to sex. Like “doing it ” or “getting it in”. Basically , I’m a hopeless romantic I read about finding “the one” or watch chick flicks on Netflix when the guys ask the girls the would they like to go “steady”. ( a normal Friday night) and wonder… if my first time suppose to be like that . I’m not really rotting for the whole Anastasia and Christian experience form 50 Shades of Gray, but more after my wedding night and we waited as long as we did . I’m most terrified that I will regret it later and that I did it for all the wrong reasons or it wasn’t with the guy of my dreams but some random didn’t even know nor would talk to in a everyday life. I still have this old mind set that people would just take one look at me and say ” yeah, she had sex.” I’m more afraid if my mom found out that I was having sex, maybe when I’m out of the house living my single life I would think differently (maybe), but now that thought scares me. She is always saying “Crystal ,I spent all of my life to protect you from danger. Made sure no one has ever touched you or raped you ( yeah ,she is always thinking the worst stuff like that) . I just want you to have sex when you have met the right guy and you are comfortable with him and you are in love him and that he will protect you and provide for you and his family and you guys can work together as a unit. Not some ghetto guy with tattoos and a name like “Deshawn or “Walik” with pants by his ass . I don’t that sitting on my couch, not because of all your slutty friends are having boyfriends and doing it that you should be a slut like them.They are going to get pregnant cause their parents don’t care about them but you have worth and I care about you . ( yeah she really did say that) that’s why your only allowed to date when you 18″. I still dated anyway. I guess all I’m trying to say is that you shouldn’t concave for sex for no one, not for friends , family no one. you should be ready on your own time and have a real reason not the spare of the moment shit that’s… how babies are born. Your should do it with someone that makes you feel special and understand you not like those flacks that are scared of commitment. One more thing. A very important thing is that it is ALWAYS ok to say “No, I’m not ready can we wait”. and if he starts with the BS like oh -you -don’t- love -me -cause -if- you love -me -you -would- have- sex- with- me- or if -we- don’t -do- it- then- we -are- going -to -break- up or the mother of all worst BS : we- love- each- other -so -we can- do … are- you- on -the- pill? -cause – I didn’t -bring- a- condom -sorry- we- can still- do- it -though- my- sperms- knows- not -to -swim- they -are- trained -that way “. If he says these things then he is DEFINETLY not the right for you. Mostly the last one , if you really are dating or had dated someone like that then I will really have to revaluate my judgment on the society we live in and Americas educations system. So just be careful and do what makes YOU happy and live life. Try not to get pregnant – 😀

  • beavis

    An excellent answer, Katie 9/29/2013.

    Virginity is an act. It is a bonding act between two people that will bind them together forever. If it is given away, tossed in the trash without a thought, you will be losing something that would mean the world to the right man someday. The act of sharing your virginity with your life partner would bring the two of you together like nothing else. Those who can throw it away are the same ones who throw away many other important things in life without a second thought.

  • LO-LO

    I am a 22 yr old virgin…*wow i wrote that like i was at an AA meeting*…and maybe not as proud of it as i should be i dont like to talk about it with some of my closer family members because i just dont think they understand because of the comments they make and the fact that they all have had sex yrs ago and have children and everything now… but I would like to share my reason for holding on to it.. first and foremost im not a religious person but i do believe in God however, the whole waiting til marriage thing just seems like some Biblical BS…Still, I do believe that sex is a physical,spiritual, and emotional connection…and that the person your share your first time with should be someone who loves,cares, and has respect for not only you but for themselves, Mainly because I just think that would make the experience that much more special and comfortable and because it’s way too many people out here with STDs specifically ones they cant get rid of to be throwing your body at..I think a lot of importance is place on virginity by ppl because it opens your world up to a lot..and its ultimately your life your putting in someones hands…condoms dont protect againsts everything…anyways thanks for listening.

  • Diane

    Right on, Amy. “Virginity” historically means when a male and female has sex. So it’s not sex when it’s with the same gender? That’s why I don’t like the word and it’s very outdated.

  • mlebarrow

    Agree with Amy! Virginity is nothing more than a made up social construct made to shame and commodify women.

  • Katie

    Ever since I was a young girl and knew about sex my first response that I would wait till marriage. Over the years my opinions have changed and where I stand now is virginity to me is a very sacred thing, you can lose it in literally thirty seconds with some random guy you barely know and never get it back. I am not sure when I will lose my virginity but what I do know is it will be with a guy I truly love and care for, and a guy who knows everything about me and vice versa. It may not be the norm for girls my age anymore (15-17) but I don’t want my decision based on others beliefs and experiences. I own my virginity and it’s not anyones to take until I want them to.

  • Krissy

    Thank you, Amy!

  • Sweettreat

    I love Amy’s comment!

  • ashia

    i agree with Savvy’s comment