Is it weird that sometimes before sex my boyfriend, who I’ve been dating for a long time, doesn’t want to do foreplay or kiss me? He just wants to get in and get out. Does this mean he’s using me? How can I get him to slow down a little?
It sounds like your boyfriend suffers from a condition known as “maleness,” the symptoms of which include sexual selfishness, insensitivity and impatience. The bad news is that there is no cure for maleness – but treatment is available!
Jokes aside, it’s not weird that your boyfriend likes to skip foreplay and get right down to business – men are biologically programmed to “get in and get out” as quickly as possible for reproductive efficiency. Have you ever seen monkeys do it? While you refresh your memory via videos on YouTube, keep in mind that humans came from the same evolutionary tree as apes – and apparently women evolve quicker than men do.
As I discussed in last week’s post on why even “taken” guys flirt with other girls, his egoism doesn’t necessarily mean he’s using you – he’s likely just being a guy. Which doesn’t excuse his actions, of course, but should help you understand where he’s coming from and give you hope for achievable change.
The best thing you can do is communicate! Let him know that you’ve been feeling slighted and that you aren’t getting everything you need from the relationship sexually. If he’s got half a brain, he’ll want to keep his lady happy and will therefore be more aware of how fast he’s been taking things. Your gratification is not only crucial for the health of your relationship, but the more satisfied you are, the more sex you’ll want to have – which is a bargain any guy will be willing to make!
Ethan Fixell is a writer and comedian from New York City best known as one half of comic “dating coach” duo Dave and Ethan. He is also the creator and editor of ActualConversation.com. For more on Ethan, visit EthanFixell.com…or call his mom, Robin.