Ask A Guy: My Boyfriend Doesn’t Like Foreplay – Is He Using Me For Sex?

Dear Ethan,

Is it weird that sometimes before sex my boyfriend, who I’ve been dating for a long time, doesn’t want to do foreplay or kiss me? He just wants to get in and get out. Does this mean he’s using me? How can I get him to slow down a little?

It sounds like your boyfriend suffers from a condition known as “maleness,” the symptoms of which include sexual selfishness, insensitivity and impatience. The bad news is that there is no cure for maleness – but treatment is available!

Jokes aside, it’s not weird that your boyfriend likes to skip foreplay and get right down to business – men are biologically programmed to “get in and get out” as quickly as possible for reproductive efficiency. Have you ever seen monkeys do it? While you refresh your memory via videos on YouTube, keep in mind that humans came from the same evolutionary tree as apes – and apparently women evolve quicker than men do.

As I discussed in last week’s post on why even “taken” guys flirt with other girls, his egoism doesn’t necessarily mean he’s using you – he’s likely just being a guy. Which doesn’t excuse his actions, of course, but should help you understand where he’s coming from and give you hope for achievable change.

The best thing you can do is communicate! Let him know that you’ve been feeling slighted and that you aren’t getting everything you need from the relationship sexually. If he’s got half a brain, he’ll want to keep his lady happy and will therefore be more aware of how fast he’s been taking things. Your gratification is not only crucial for the health of your relationship, but the more satisfied you are, the more sex you’ll want to have – which is a bargain any guy will be willing to make!

Good luck!

Ethan Fixell is a writer and comedian from New York City best known as one half of comic “dating coach” duo Dave and Ethan. He is also the creator and editor of For more on Ethan, visit…or call his mom, Robin.

Are you confused about a guy? Do you find yourself wondering, “What is he thinking?” Tell us everything in the comments! And if you have a question for Ethan, email him at!


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Posted in: Ask A Guy, Love Advice
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  • carla

    my bf wants just sex too sometimes. He calls it a quickie. But he still likes to lick me out first so I am wet. Sometimes he will use lube so he can do it quickly, especially if he has blue balls.

  • LilGurl

    My bf sometimes just wants sex. It is hard because sometimes I am not wet enough but he uses a lot of lube to f**k. He says it takes too long for me to get wet because I am very young. But I cum instantly when he starts f*****g me. It happens mostly after school and he says he has been waiting a long time and wants to f**k. I dont think he is using me because he does like foreplay but that happens when we have lots of time together. I understand him.

    • bustitamy

      some people have higher or lower sex drives. tell him you “want to cuddle before and after intercourse.” 1. its a time to connect, talk 2. time to think, remember what you want to share 3. allows more time spend in the bed together 4. you can do more foreplay.

      • LilGurl

        yes he has a huge sex drive 🙁 now I mastebate befor I go 2 his place, so im ready 4 him. Even after school, i go to the toilet nd ummm fingr myself so i can be ready 4 him wen i go 2 his place. I kno he luvs me a lot n I wanna please him 🙁 🙁

        • arianna

          OMG do u mastebate a lot? I mastebate 2 wen my bf wanna hav sex. So u mastebate in school? wat abt ur frends? wat do they say?? 🙁

          • debbie

            masturbaion is okay and to do it so you are ready for sex is also okay. How do you manage to masturbate while at school? can you not do it while you are at his place so he can watch you while you masturbate. Thay way he may be interested in foreplay and might go down on you and stuff. He’s probably into that “school girl” look. Many guys cannot resist that!!

        • sharleeze

          I do the same too. He likes when I am already wet and ready for him. I dont mind that because I know hes been thinkin of me and is really horny waiting for me to get back from school. It is a weird feelin though because I am really wet and I feel so self conscious about leaking stuff as I walk to his apartment from school. But it is a real turn on for him. I dont mind that.

  • newtosex

    It was my first time for everything this weekend. I dont know if he was just using me but what he did to me was just awesome. He came to my room when I was having a sleep over at my friends place and he started doing stuff. It was the first time any guy has eaten me out. I know I was scared and am a lot younger than he is but it just felt so good and I had several orgasms. He kept doing it and I didnt want him to stop.

  • jessica

    Some guys just like a quickie. Guys are not the only ones who use their partners just for sex, even girls do it. When I am with my bf sometimes all I want him to do is to f*** me. Dont get me wrong, I do enjoy oral and foreplay and all that stuff but sometimes I am just so horny, I just want to lie down and want him to take me. I have spoken to my bf about this but he says it is because I am a lot younger and sexually my drive is strong and I need instant fulfillment. He does the same with me sometime.