We were really curious about how sex ed was conducted at Hogwarts, which got us thinking about other magical worlds and creatures. Seriously, sex ed is barely addressed in mortal TV shows, and it’s definitely not mentioned in fictional ones either. What’s up with that?
We had a conversation about The Little Mermaid and wondered how sex ed worked under the sea. We have a lot of questions regarding mermaid sex. If it’s anything like sea horses, that means they’re not even having sex! How do you even hook up with fins? I don’t get it.
So here are 10 questions we have about mermaid sex ed:
How Does It Work?
I mean, fish don't have sex. But mermaids are half people. So...logistically, how does that even happen with a tail? Are they more like dolphins? I just don't know.
What Happens With A Mermaid Orgasm?
Everything should be fine provided mermaids have gills. But if you're trying to breathe under water and have an orgasm at the same time, wouldn't you be in trouble?
Where Do The Merbabies Come Out?
There's no place for merbabies to be born! How does mermaid reproduction even make sense?
What Do Mermaids Use For Birth Control?
Do they eat some special coral? Are rare corals like Plan B? Can mermaids order birth control via Scuttle the seagull?
Condoms In Water
Condoms break in water! How can you have safe sex under the sea?
What Happens With A Mermaid's Period?
I know that sharks do not come after you when you have your period in water. BUT what if you live under water? That has to be cause for some serious anxiety. Also, how can you deal with tampons when they're under water?
Who Teaches It?
King Trident? Poseidon? Daryl Hannah in Splash? Flounder? Who is handling this?
What About STDs?
Do mermaids have the same kind of STDs as humans? Can they treat them with seaweed? How can you spot symptoms with a tail?
What About Mermaids And People?
According to many sea legends (I guess), sailors often fell for mermaids or sirens. How to merpeople have sex with real people? Does it happen in the water? What about the tail? Would the sailors drown? It seems very complicated.
Is Second Base The Only Kind Of Foreplay?
I mean, really. What else is there to do?
Do you have any questions about sex ed for mermaids? Do you have any answers? Tell us in the comments!