Help! My Ex-Boyfriend Is Gossiping About Things We Did That I’m Not Proud Of

Hey Heather,

I used to have a boyfriend who was older than me and we did some things sexually that I’m not proud of doing. I only did those things because he was older and I didn’t want him to get bored with me and leave me. Later on, we broke up… and now he’s telling some of the boys at my school the things we did. I’m starting high school in a few months and I’m scared everyone will know who I am and what I did and that I’ll be called awful names and harassed because of the stupid things I did almost a year ago. What do I do?

Oh man… your ex-boyfriend sounds like a total jerk. I’m so sorry that you have to deal with this right now! It never feels good to be the focus of nasty gossip, especially when it’s being spread by someone you once loved and trusted. I totally feel your pain, girl.

Have you tried talking some sense into this guy yet? I don’t know things ended between you guys, but I would say that the first thing you should do is approach him and ask him what’s going on. If you don’t feel comfortable talking to him face-to-face, maybe send a text or Facebook message. Explain to him that it’s making you feel really terrible that he’s telling people these things and he needs to stop. Let him know that this isn’t cool at all and he’s being a total jerk to you.

But honestly, that might not work. Some guys, especially guys in high school, act like losers and do stuff like this sometimes. I don’t know why he’s doing this, but he obviously has some sort of reason – maybe he wants your attention, maybe he’s trying to get back at you for hurting him, maybe he’s just trying to impress his friends. Whatever his defense is, it’s no excuse. He shouldn’t be doing this, plain and simple and right now, he might be too immature to act the right way. If he really will not leave you alone, go to an adult you trust, like your parents, a school teacher or a guidance counselor. They might be able to get him under control.

If this dude really did spread a lot of gossip and people are talking about stuff you did in the past, the only thing I can tell you is to try to ignore it as much as possible. If people are going to judge you for something you did in the past, that’s their problem, not yours. If you brush it off like it’s no big deal, refuse to talk about it and ignore him completely, there is a chance that this could blow over. Maybe there will be people who won’t let it go, but honestly? They’re not worth your time.

Another thing? You should never feel badly about yourself because of your loser ex-boyfriend talking about you to other people. We’ve all done things we’re not proud of, whether it’s something sexual or not. And honestly, you did nothing wrong! You were dating this guy and you were fooling around with him. You have nothing to apologize for. 

In the future, though, please never feel like you have to do things you’re not comfortable with just to impress a boyfriend, no matter how old he is. If a guy is going to break up with you for not doing things his way, he should not be in your life. In the meantime, ignore your ex-boyfriend and try to move past his stupid gossip.

take care,

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Posted in: Help Me Heather, Love Advice
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  • prettygurl

    First of all make sure and find out if he is actually spreading rumours or is someone making this all up just to get you worked up.
    Next, why did you guys break up? Did you part as friends or was the break up horrible and nasty? Are you nice to him or do you tease him?
    Have you actually heard what he is saying of you?
    Plz dont embark on a tit for tat before you get all your facts correct. That will only worsen the problem.
    Try and have a face to face with him but dont get angry and abusive. Tell him that you dont approve of what he is doing and that it isnt etiquette to kiss and tell. That only reflects on his character and he will be doing himself more harm and no one will trust him in future.
    Sometimes trying to make him see reason can work. He is probably hurting and bitter after the break up and this is his way of getting back at you.

    • Victoria

      WHat the…? Your seriously on his side? I thought girls were supposed to stick together. She has a right to be “angry and abusive” after what he’s done. And just because hes “Hurting and bitter” doesn’t justify that AT ALL. I think it’s pretty obvious that they’re not “friends”. If they were, he wouldn’t do that. Friends don’t spread rumors about friends. Anyways, why do you think she broke it off? Why would she be “nice” to him? I think she has her facts straight too. why would somebody “make this up”? Honestly, I’m disgusted with you. Ever hear the saying “Chicks before dicks” or “Sisters before misters”? You are offically disgusting.

      • legal teen gurl

        because Victoria, girls can be bitches and I think pretty girl is being very practical and giving her good advice.
        You want this to end well and the only way is to avoid conflict.
        This is where girls get it wrong. You are suggesting that pretty girl support her even if she was in the wrong. There is always 2 sides in a situation. You dont know his side do you? how then do you suggest that she is right and that pretty girl should be on her side? You see it is important to do the right thing no submit to silly emotions. You need to get your head checked Victoria!

  • flo

    She should turn the rumours around so that the guy has some of his own medicine. i.e., if she’s ever confronted about doing this or that with the guy she should add that he has a tiny penis so that jerk has some retribution.