Can Porn Ruin Your Sex Life Even If You Don’t Watch It?

There is always a lot of debate about watching porn here on Gurl. Some of you are cool with porn – you don’t care if your significant other watches it and maybe you even watch it yourself. But some of you seem to be totally against pornography as a whole. You’re not comfortable with your boyfriend watching it and you’re not interested in it yourself. So here’s what I want to know: do you guys think that porn can ruin your sex life, even if you don’t watch it? One of my favorite authors, Judy Blume, does… well, sort of.

Judy Blume recently did an interview for Rookie Mag where she talked about – what else – sex, love, dating and relationships. She brought up how pornography can potentially change how we feel about sex and I thought her quote was pretty interesting.

Blume said, “I think today’s kids miss out on being sexual without having intercourse. There are a lot of sexual expectations today. Everyone is watching porn now. It turns you on, sure. I’m not saying don’t watch it. But what you see in porn is not what real love and sexuality within a long-term relationship are. Just like kids have to learn that the toy they see on TV is different from different from what it does in real life, I’d like to see the same thing taught about sex. I hate to see girls feeling like they have to emulate what they see in porn, with breast implants and pole dancing. I am actually glad that Amanda Bynes had her implants removed. This was a good development. What would I do if I was 16 now?”

I totally get what Blume is saying here, because it’s kind of exactly how I feel about porn. I don’t have anything against porn – I think that, as long as you don’t become addicted, it can be a good way to learn what turns you on and to explore your own sexuality. I don’t think that watching porn is a bad thing… unless, that is, you can’t separate porn from reality.

I think this is a big issue with porn. I feel like some people have trouble separating porn from reality and that’s why they feel threatened by it. They feel like they can’t live up to those impossible standards (which are impossible because they’re fake!) and they feel like if a guy watches porn, he’s going to expect a girl to act that way also. And of course, girls should never feel that way, like they have to copy what is happening in pornography.

It’s important to remember that porn is not about the kind of sex you’ll be having if you’re in a loving, long-term relationship. Porn is about bringing your deepest fantasies to life in some way. Porn exists just to turn people on and get people excited – it should never be used as your guide for how your sex life should be. I think that’s what Blume is trying to say here, that girls need to be taught that real-life sex and porn don’t always go hand-in-hand.

I also like what Blume says about how “kids miss out on being sexual without having intercourse.” There is SO much focus on sex out there that sometimes you might feel like it’s the only way you can intimate with someone. And while I obviously have nothing against having sex and experimenting (I write for Gurl, come on!), I also think it’s important for everyone to realize that you don’t have to have sex in order to be sexual or be close to another person. It’s okay to wait! It’s totally okay to take things slow. Like I say all the time, if you’re not ready, don’t force yourself to do anything.

So, can watching porn ruin your sex life by influencing you and everyone around you? Like I said, if you recognize that porn is full of actors performing, then I don’t think so. It seems like research feels the same way, with one recent study saying that porn doesn’t influence your sex life. As long as you have a healthy attitude about what pornography is, what it means and what it stands for, I think you should be okay.

But what do you think? Do you think watching porn can ruin your sex life? Are you into porn or are you against it? Tell me in the comments.

 

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  • I think Porn desensitise you with sex. I totally agree with the writer, watch it or not it’s all cool – whatever works for you. But you can’t change the fact that it really takes away some of the wonder and extreme pleasure of having sex and intimacy with someone you love especially for the first time. It doesn’t take everything away, but it reduces some of that special hidden/reserved magic…

  • jade

    I think it’s almost impossible for the brain to separate porn from real life. Porn in itself is addictive and a very powerful force that can take over your life even if you don’t intend it to. It’s like taking cocaine at a party and expecting not to be addicted to it because you don’t intend on being And it’s something you do to experiment.

  • twilight_daylight16

    I totttttttaaaalllyyy agree with it! it’s what i had in mah mind all these dayz.. porn isn’t such a bad thing unless u can separate it from ur real life. there ‘re also religious views nd sorts of, and gurls also get threatened wid it if her bf sees these things. thinking if she can do it up2 his xpectations… hm, a serious issue.

  • xXLove&WarXx

    I think porn can ruin your sex life. Even if you know it’s all fake, you still sort of have those expectations. If both you and your partner watch porn, you will already have this visual of what you want. But the fact of the matter is, sex won’t be the way you imagined it in your head. Even if you did enjoy it a lot, you would probably think that it could have been better. My bf and I watch porn, but I watch more than him. I’m a virgin and he’s not, but we know what to expect from each other from sexting. If you sext and tell each other what you want, pron will be less likely to affect your sex life.