From The Message Boards: Did I Lose My Virginity?

We talk a lot about virginity here from whether you should tell your sister you’re not a virgin to deciding if you’re ready to lose it. Some people think it’s a big deal, some people don’t. It’s all about personal preference!

This week y’all are talking about if you actually lost your virginity or not.

Let’s see what you had to say!

petrichorr asked:

“If a girl has her underwear on and the guy does not and he is hard and the girl is kind of dry humping him and the tip of his penis kind of goes a little into the vagina through the underwear, did said girl lose her virginity?”

xgirlnomoreleftoutx said:

“I hear if the penis goes in a tip of the vagina the girl is no longer a virgin.”

jnutty2014 said:

“No this does not mean you lost your virginity.”

lacrimis said:
“No, you are still a virgin. It only really counts if the naked penis goes inside of a naked vagina.”

kissmeimleah said:

“‘Breaking the hymen’ has nothing to do with losing your virginity. Sex is when the penis enters into the vagina, and intercourse happens. You and your boyfriend didn’t have sex. So yes, you are still a virgin. But ‘virginity’ means different things, to different people.”

I would say that you did not lose your virginity. No intercourse happened, ergo you are still a virgin. I define losing your virginity as having sexual intercourse, regardless of the hymen being in tact or not.

The truth is, your hymen can break from a number of things whether it’s using a tampon, exercising, you name it. That’s not an accurate way to determine if someone is a virgin or not. So let’s just take hymens out of the equation.

When it comes to virginity, people have different definitions. Some people think having oral sex is enough to lose it. Some people think getting fingered means you’re not a virgin. Everyone has different beliefs. But generally speaking, having intercourse tends to be the deciding factor.
Have you ever wondered if you really lost your virginity? How do you define losing it? Tell us in the comments!

Need advice on a different topic? Do you have a story you want to share? Post your own thoughts and questions in our boards and start chatting with other girls.

Should you give a guy who pressured you a second chance?

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Posted in: Boards, Virginity
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  • GirlyGirl14

    I decided to have intercourse with a friend (we are no longer friends) I’m not sure if i am still a virgin , because he didn’t go all the way in me. he didn’t force his way in, and he wore a condom. For the remainder of the intercourse he was doing my clitoris and the hole under it (if that is even possible) until he came. Am i still a virgin?

  • Kate

    So I had anal sex with a guy before. BIG MISTAKE. I was on my period and he was really pressuring me so I did. I haven’t even had vaginal sex yet. Now I have a new boyfriend that I have been dating for a really long time and he recently asked me if I’m a virgin… Help! What do I say?

    • positive attitude

      yes technically you are still a virgin. You have not had penile vaginal intercourse. Hence the medical definition is that you are a virgin.

  • Stephfynny

    Does losing it hurt?

  • zxmdmwpd

    can you please tell me whether i’m still virgin?
    My boyfriend have fingered my vagina and i’m scared that i’m not virgin anymore.
    can anyone help me to tell me that am i still virgin…
    Need to know. I’m really nervous.

  • Faithgirl

    She hasn’t lost her virginity. She had her underwear on and she’s fine. I haven’t lost my virginity.

  • BrittnyRosales

    is it true if you touch a guys dick with your hand and then put your hand on your mouth, you are no longer a virgin?!

    • Zanya

      No because only if a naked penis and ur vigina is naked

  • helen3607

    i do not think that you lost your virginity. I think that the only way that you are not a virgin is if the naked penis goes through the naked vagina. And if you have sex.

  • beavis

    I am so surprised by some of the comments here. Virginity is a simple concept. It is a vagina that has never had a penis in it. Once a vagina has been penetrated by a penis, it is no longer ‘virgin’. It truly is that simple. It has nothing to do with fingers, tongues, tampons or even a hymen. It is the act of a vagina being penetrated by a penis only.

  • anonymous

    Just curious, am I still consider a virgin if just the tip went in? It hurts so bad to where it burns and I bleed. He didn’t go all the way in, idk it feels like it couldn’t go in any further but I’ve felt pain, and he stop and just told me I wasn’t a virgin anymore. Plus, I wasn’t feeling aroused too, felt like I wasn’t ready. Help? I’m still feeling sore in my vagina too.

  • asmita

    hi gurls i have one confusion..i don’t have virgin wall but the things is that i haven’t done sex till yet so please help me.please give me the solution that i can explain my boyfriend that i m a virgin..

    • Andrea

      You’re still a virgin. Are you an athlete? I am and I don’t have it either. Leg stretches like splits and lunges can cause you not to have one.

  • Casey

    i got fingered and it hurts but his finger didnt went in really deep ,so am i still a virgin?

  • sally

    can you get prego by fingering yourself?

    • Lindsay

      no you can only get pregnant when sperm is in you

  • Ray

    So he was putting it in… And I realized it I wasn’t ready and also it hurt quite a bit. I’d say not even the head made it in. But yeah part did go in.

  • ms anon

    Am I still considered a virgin, if only the head of the penis went inside me, then it popped back out of me, he then tried again, it did the same thing it couldn’t go any further & didn’t actually go ‘in out, in out, in out’ like normal sex .. So am I?

    • Bess

      Nope you lost it.

  • WiseMama

    Cassie… I agree that everyone does not have to follow the historical and religious dogma surrounding virginity… but don’t piss on a beautiful thing either. Sex is awesome and wonderful when you actually have a worthy partner whom cares enough to be as selfless to you as you are to them… it’s downright blissful. A “fuck” may feel good “MAYBE” . Yet with the right partner sex can turn into an amazing love fest that makes a porno look like child’s play… Oh and by the way a first time can be AMAZING with a dude who is into you and who really takes the time to make sure your ready. It can be less painful and downright orgasmic. Don’t set the bar so low. Set the bar super HIGH for the partner whom deserves you.

    Not sure how old you are..but your opinions may hit the minds of lots of other girls out there that are not sure what to do. I do agree that virginity is a state of inexperience. In this state we can be vulnerable to our emotions and feelings. Just because we feel like we want to have sex doesn’t mean we should and all the protection in the world doesn’t mean we’re protected either..

    The bottom line is sex is ALWAYS a risk. I have seen more than my fair share of teens and adults whom are linked to an ex they now cannot stand because they got pregnant.
    I have also seen how awful it gets when you have kids with that ex and then you find this amazing dude that has to deal with your fucked up baggage. It puts you at risk for loosing an amazing relationship because of the hook ups you made in your past! UUUGGHH.. Why complicate your lives!!!! If you don’t have a full time job that pays more than 20.00 an hour, healthcare, your own place, and a least a high school diploma DON’T DO IT AT ALL!!! That standard should go for your partner as well.

    Ladies it’s not worth loosing your freedom. College rocks, traveling is awesome, and while there are other LOTS of “PROTECTION” alternatives available… do you really want to mess with your body chemistry to the point that when you’re in your 30’s you’ll have to spend 30,000+ dollars on IVF treatments to get pregnant because you spent so much time on birth control/uti’s/morning after pills/etc.? There will be a time when you find a real partner and you’ll want to have kids, and chances are if your in your teens presently the person you’re with now is NOT it ladies.. A vibrator will give you more pleasure now than the dudes that are currently trying to get in your pants;o)

    Reality sucks people… Virginity is not the issue…but don’t be a statistic either. Play it smart. Have fun but you don’t need to go all the way… get get creative. But bottom line that nice FUCK now has the potential to ROYALLY FUCK you later.

    Your WORTH more..DESERVE more.. then “just a fuck” DEMAND more for yourself!!!

    • Wise15yroldGurl

      Wise Mama, I think Cassie is right about this “false purity” associated with being a virgin.

      You go on and on as if there is nothing good about sex. It is almost like you are trying to brainwash girls into believing that they should not have sex and to delay sexual activity because somehow they will regret it if they do have sex. What a load of bullshit.

      God, you sound like a grandma and i bet you will get annoyed with me saying such a thing. Girls will be scared to have sex the first time round. There is nervousness and anxiety with doing it. That is the same with anything you do for the first time. That is normal.

      I am not saying that you should go out there and shout out to everyone that they must have sex. I think we need to moderate our views and let people decide for themselves what they want to do. Yes there are many who are on the threshold, not knowing what to do and you seem to think that if they are influenced by Cassies remarks that somehow that is bad. For heavens sake, if they are influenced, then their mind is already ready and wanting to do it. Just because she has made a comment criticizing conservativeness doesnt mean she is influencing a girls mind.

      Sex is beautiful and so enjoyable and such fun. What you should be advising everyone is to be careful, take precautions( against STDs and pregnancy) and make sure sex does not become a distraction that affects their schooling or career. Isnt sex a normal function? If it is so then why do we create so much negativity about it?

      I know many of my friends who have been sexually active since they were 13 and not one of them is a STATISTIC or pregnant or harbouring STDs. Stop making it scary and such a taboo. You need to be able to advise constructively and not force your negative, conservative opinion.

      If I told you that I was an early starter, would you be surprised? I have a bf who is 10 years older too and I tell you it has been just one beautiful experience.

      For all those statistics you have mentioned or were making a reference to, just open your mind and try and see how many girls are having a great time having been sexually active for a while. Many younger girls are also dating older guys and even though this may be considered illegal by the law they still want to have that relationship. Girls are more empowered these days. They are very capable of making decisions even early on.

      Looks like you have a hatred towards guys and believe that their only aim is to get into a girls pants. Well go on continue such advice and then there will be millions who want IVF because they have gone past their fertility time span as a result of such scaremongering and negative attitudes. Go and visit a fertility clinic and see how many 40 yr old infertile, barren women are craving to have a baby. Is that right in your eyes??

  • Cassie

    Virginity is a Bullshit concept, that is a worthless remnant of an opressive male dominaed past. there really is no such thing as virginity, and you don’t lose anything from your first sexual experience.

    the first time you fuck what happens is you gain experience, what p[eople call vergiity is merely the lack of sexual experience just like what people call darkness is just the lack of light. when someone turnes on a light for the first time do we say they lost their darkness??

    There is nothing special about the first fuck, it doesn’t change who you are, and you don’t give up anytthing by fucking as long as it’s by choice and you are protected from STDs and pregnancy.

    But, if you aren’t protected whether its the first time or the 1000th, you could lose your freedom or your health.

    So instead of worrying about “losing your virginity”, lets lose “virginity” altogether.

    • LavenderGurl

      I fully agree with Cassie and “wise15yroldGurl”

      The emphasis should be on SAFETY AND PRECAUTIONS not on “dont do it because you might fall pregnant and have baggage”

      Safety and precautions are the MOST important thing. Sex is happening a lot but because there is this stigma and all the negativity and taboo and laws restricting who we fuck, girls are getting into trouble.

      There MUST be more openness and acceptance even if the girl is young. Precautions and safety should be the mantra and must take priority over emphasis on purity.

      Sex is a natural bodily function, like anyother bodily function. What right has anyone have to put a moral value on it? Why does the law interfere? For heavens sake focus on PRECAUTIONS AND SAFETY instead. Stop being punitive and negative.

      As Cassie says, be it the first fuck or 1000th fuck, if you dont protect yourself and be safe, you lose your freedom or health. How true.

      Simple advice – PROTECT YOURSELF, TAKE PRECAUTIONS AND BE SAFE. That way you can fuck a 1000 times with who ever you want and have no fear.

      • Bess

        I Disagree, Please, Come on people, If everyone waited till they were married to have sex there would be no STD’s and no guilt and God would bless them immensely! So Why dont you try to be a prize for the one you marry.

        • B

          Um, Bess, no. That is not true in any way. STD’s would exist regardless of how long people wait, the only difference would be that your spouse would have the STD rather than someone who is not your spouse. And having sex with someone who you aren’t married to doesn’t make it bad – if you really love that person then why would you feel guilty? And if it was a one night stand that meant nothing and you weren’t cheating on your significant other, then what’s the reason for guilt? And if God, assuming He exists, blessed people simply for waiting until marriage rather than things that are actually important, he has some priorities to work out. Oh. And if the person you marry truly loves you, then you should be a prize for them no matter what.

  • Vanessa

    Wow! This is crazy. Bleeding does not determine the status of your virginity. When I actually lost my virginity, I didn’t bleed because I’d popped my cherry YEARS ago in gymnastics! The “cherry” is the thing that makes you bleed. No, I didn’t bleed, but I’m 100% sure I’m not a virgin because me and my partner did EVERYTHING. We actually had sex, we fingered, and oral and anal sex as well.
    The technical definition of loosing your virginity is when the penis enters the vagina and you proceed willingly with intercourse (this can be with or without a condom). When it comes down to it though, it’s all about what you, as a person, feel. Do YOU still feel like a virgin? It’s not about what other people think , it’s about what you feel.

    • LavenderGurl

      Vanessa being a virgin is NOT about what you feel about yourself.

      You lose your virginity when a penis penetrates a vagina. That is the technical definition.

      Now many may bring up the argument of homosexual sex ( anal in male or dildo/vaginal in women etc)

      The definition (medically) has not changed.

      So virginity is NOT what you feel about yourself or a state of mind. It is the actual act of penetration of a vagina with a penis.

      Becoming familiar with sex through magazines, books, porn, sex videos, masturbation, mutual masturbation with partners, oral sex etc etc are to be considered under loss of innocence or loss of purity.

      But loss of virginity is when penis enters and penetrates the vagina, be it just the head of the penis or deeper or irrespective of whether the guy cums inside you or not, or whether you bled or not.

      Once penetrated even slightly, you have lost your virginity.

      Your hymen could have broken through sport or horse riding and many other things. This DOES NOT constitute loss of virginity. Neither do you lose your virginity if youve used tampons or have used toys to masturbate.

  • Skylar

    It Went in but not all the way because it hurted and i bleed like 3 drops not all the way am i still a virgin

    • faleiro


  • Melanie

    You know you’ve lost your virginity when you have intercourse and you begin to bleed (the so called “having your cherry popped).

    • Caitlin Corsetti

      Melanie, this is a really big misconception. Many women do not bleed after having sex for the first time if their hymen already broke from something else like a tampon or even playing sports.

    • LavenderGurl

      Melanie, have you been reading kindergarten fairy tales or something?

      I lost my virginity just turning a teen and I didnt bleed at all. My bf was many many moons older and using lube was the best thing. Of course he prepared me by stretching me and teaching me how to masturbate and making me masturbate a lot. He made me orgasm a lot and when he penetrated me he used a hell of a lot of lube and it was magical. NO PAIN NO BLOOD.
      That is such a misconception that it hurts and you will bleed.

      So read some real books or try it out yourself and you will be very pleasantly surprised. Make sure you are extremely well lubricated though. That is the key!

  • Bunny

    My boyfriend put it in me and it went all the way but i whinced and it kinda took it out cause it was hurting alot.. Does this mean i lost my virginity?

    • Riley

      That’s pretty much what happened my first time. He put it in and I had to stop him because it hurt so much! I would say that you lost your virginity, he still was inside of you.

    • Melanie

      No, you did not lose your virginity; unless you bled afterwards.

    • Anonymous

      Duh. It went in. You are no longer a virgin.

    • faleiro