Last week, I had sex for the first time with my boyfriend. We were both virgins and I was actually a little under the influence. We both got caught up in the moment and things happened really quickly and suddenly. It wasn’t that I didn’t want to do it at the time, it just wasn’t exactly how I planned my first time. To be honest, we had both been talking about getting married before ever becoming that physical. Now I feel really uneasy about our relationship. He is three years older than I am and I trust him, but since we had sex, I’ve had all these insecurities about what his real intentions are. I’m worried he only wanted to date me to have sex and now he might break up with me. What should I do?
I’m so sorry that your first time didn’t go as planned! It stinks when an important moment in our lives doesn’t live up to our expectations and I’m sorry you’re dealing with all of this regret and worry right now. But here’s the truth: losing your virginity is not always as incredible and magical as movies and TV shows make it seem. There is no right way to lose your virginity. For some people, it might be perfect and for others, it might end up being awkward, confusing, weird and just downright bad. The good news is that you have plenty of time to make up for this one bad time.
I totally understand that you’re disappointed that your first time wasn’t exactly what you expected (I feel the same way about my first time if that makes you feel any better!). Now you have two options: you can continue to regret it and beat yourself up for what happened, or you can move on, accept that it wasn’t fantastic and focus on the future. I think the second option is your best bet. There is nothing you can do to change the past – regretting it is never going to make you feel better. I’m not saying you can’t be bummed about it, I’m just saying that dwelling on it is only going to make you feel worse.
As for being worried about your relationship – I can’t tell you what your boyfriend is going to do or how he’s feeling. Ask yourself these questions: why are you worried about his intentions? Why do you think he’s going to break up with you? Has he been acting differently since you two had sex? If you feel like he’s been acting distant and might have used you, you need to talk to him about how you feel. Be honest with him and let him know what you’re thinking and what you want. That’s the only way you’ll know for sure.
But please don’t feel ashamed about the way you lost your virginity. It sounds like you got caught up in your emotions and did something you weren’t planning on doing. I know that you were planning on waiting until after marriage, but like I told this girl, it’s okay to change your beliefs as you get older. Don’t regret losing your virginity – learn from the experience and forgive yourself.
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