Am I A Lesbian If I Kiss Another Girl?

Hi Heather,

I have had boyfriends in the past and I think a lot of guys are really hot. But I’m also attracted to girls – there are some girls who I think are really cute. Last week at a party, things got a little crazy and I ended up making out with one of my girl friends. It started as sort of a joke and it didn’t last super long, but I still thought it was fun and I wouldn’t mind doing it again. Am I a lesbian if I kiss other girls? What’s going on with me? I’m so confused and I’m kind of freaking out.

First step: take a deep breath and relax. Feel a little bit better? Okay, good. Now that you have a more clear mind, you can start thinking about all of this a little more. I can’t tell you for sure what your sexuality is, but I can help you try to figure it out.

Kissing another girl or being attracted to other girls doesn’t automatically mean you’re a lesbian. Obviously, it could mean you’re a lesbian, or it could mean you’re bisexual. Or it could mean nothing – you could have just been curious and you did something a little spontaneous. It’s totally possible to think other girls are hot and still be completely straight. It’s also possible to be straight but still be willing to experiment a little bit. In fact, it’s good to experiment! It’s a good way to explore your sexuality.

Like I said, I can’t answer the question of whether or not you’re a lesbian – only you can figure that out. Consider these questions: do you fantasize about girls more than guys? Do you feel satisfied when you hook up with a guy? Think about kissing a guy and a girl – which seems more exciting? Could you see yourself with a woman in the future? If these questions aren’t helping at all, watch this video where a girl who actually is a lesbian may be able to help you a little more.

If you feel totally unsure of your sexuality, try experimenting a little more with other girls who are willing to try things out. Keep in mind that you’re not the only one doing this kind of thing – growing up, I knew a ton of girls who were friends and kissed each other once in a while. It was never a big deal. You shouldn’t feel like you need to find an answer ASAP, though. Sometimes coming to a conclusion about your sexuality can take time. 

Whether you’re bisexual, a lesbian or straight, you have nothing to be ashamed of. Remember that! You need to figure this out on your own. Don’t focus on what other people have to tell you – this is an answer you’ll find in your heart.

take care,

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Posted in: Help Me Heather, Love Advice
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  • Bobby

    love you guys

  • BiancaXD

    I am bi-sexual, so I can relate.
    Actually, I first realised at a party as well. It was my sixteenth and I’d had boyfriends in the past, but recently a girl had caught my eye. We made out quite a lot at that party, and I’d enjoyed it. That’s when I first realised I was bi. I had one boyfriend after that, but then I met my now girlfriend Lucy and we’re still together, so it kind of depends what happens after really.

  • Kathleen

    You’re probably bisexual if you TRULY like both, or bicurious,

  • Imogen

    i have had more boyfriends then girlfriends but i think im more attracted to gurls but i agree that i dont like labeling myself or other people sometimes we are attracted to the same or opposite sex.

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  • Kylee

    I don’t like labling my own sexuallity, really. Especially being so young (15). I know I’m not just gay or just straight. I prefer to just refer to myself as “sexual”, but if I say that to someone, they usually think I’m totally nuts cause I guess some people just can’t wrap their minds around the fact that their is something out their without a particular label and catagory to be perfectly placed into. For that reason, I just tell them I’m either pansexual or bisexual. It’s just easier that way.