My boyfriend and I have been dating for five months. Like many other couples, we’ve had our “hot moments.” I always said that I never wanted to lose my virginity before marriage, but lately I’ve been having second thoughts. When we hang out, we end up touching each other and rubbing. We’ve talked about saving sex until marriage, but it’s very tempting. We both think about it and even almost did it once, but I felt so guilty that I stopped. I don’t know what to do and I’m really confused and scared of the outcome if we do have sex. I’m scared of what might happen afterwards. What should I do?
I can understand why you feel guilty about this – changing your mind about an issue this big and important to you can be difficult – but that doesn’t mean you should feel guilty. Honestly, you have nothing to feel guilty about. Sexual desire is natural and it’s normal for you to have these feelings, especially as you get closer and closer to someone you love.
There is absolutely nothing wrong with being religious and choosing not to have sex before marriage. If that is something that you want and that’s the way you want to live your life, that’s fine. But I think it’s only okay if it is what you truly want. As we get older, sometimes our views on things change. Things that were once important to us become less important. Things we never thought we would want suddenly become the things we want the most. That’s okay and it’s normal to feel a little uneasy about it. But just because you once thought something different doesn’t mean it’s completely wrong.
If you feel like you really want to have sex and feel comfortable with the idea of taking that step with your boyfriend, then you shouldn’t stop yourself from doing it just because you feel guilty about going against a belief you once had. When I was in 8th grade, I went to a Catholic school and made a pact with my friend that we wouldn’t have sex before marriage. A few years later, I changed my mind. It happens and it’s okay.
However, if you really, really want to stick with this belief and wait until after marriage to have sex, then do that. If this is something that is extremely important to you, wait it out. When it comes to sex, there will always be temptation, especially if you have a boyfriend you’re attracted to and you guys are making out and touching each other. It’s okay to be tempted and it’s also okay to say no.
If you do decide to have sex, don’t worry – nothing is going to happen afterwards, provided you use protection and are careful. No one is going to know unless you tell them and you don’t have to tell anyone because it’s your business. Having sex before marriage doesn’t mean you have to lose every other belief you’ve ever had, it just means you’re doing things your way. Do what ultimately feels right for you.
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