From The Message Boards: My Family Is Racist Against My Boyfriend

Racism is a big deal. We don’t like it, and it’s really upsetting that in 2013 we’re still dealing with racism, even in our relationships. I can’t imagine my family or friends not liking a person I was dating because of the color of their skin, but that’s something one of our girls is dealing with right now.

This week y’all are talking about what to do when your family is racist toward the person you’re dating.

Genette said:
“I’m black and my boyfriend is white. We already have a difficult relationship because it’s long distance at the moment. His family will be moving soon, so he’ll be only a few hours away. It will still be long distance, but we will be able to visit each other. My mom knows everything, and she supports me. When a few people in my family found out that I have a boyfriend, they messed with me like any family would. But once they find out that he’s white, some of them had some sort of negative comment to say. For instance, my grandmother says that I shouldn’t trust him, he’ll turn on me blah blah blah. No matter what they say, I’ll still be with him but, it’s irritating and upsetting that some of the people in my family are so racist. They claim that white people are just so racist, but it’s mostly just them. They’re so judgmental. I don’t even want him to meet most of them. What should I do?”

escape hunter said:
“I think that you should just tell your family members that you’re not okay with what they’re saying about your boyfriend. At the end of the day it’s your love life. I think that you should also warn him about them prior to meeting him. Also I mean he doesn’t really have to meet your WHOLE family. Just your immediate, close family. And if they’re okay with him, then nothing else really matters.”

imanica791 said:
“Ok so as far as I know y’all need to talk. If they respect you as a granddaughter, cousin, ect. then they will stop talking about him (well at least to your face). Just tell em’ how you feel.”

hero_of_the_day said:
“It happens, my parents are the same way. However, if they meet him and they see how good he is for you, I think they’ll change their mind. My parents can be a bit prejudiced (we’re white), but I know in my heart if I bring a black man home and he treats me right and really is a good guy they’ll be able to look past his skin color. They may be a bit distrusting of him now. Once they get to know him they should open up.”

I think in this situation, you should definitely talk to your family. If your partner’s skin color doesn’t matter to you, why should it matter to anyone else? It shouldn’t at all.

Explain to your family that it’s really hurtful to you and to your partner that they are behaving this way. I think it would be a great thing for your family to get to know your boyfriend so they can see that he’s a good guy and treats you right. Let them see how you two are together and how you both care about each other.

At the end of the day, you are dating this person, not anyone else. I know it’s hard not to care what anyone thinks, especially when it’s your family. But don’t let them ruin your relationship with someone you love.

Have you ever dealt with racism against your partner before? Has your family ever disliked someone you’ve dated because of race or anything else? Tell us in the comments!

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  • Nikki

    That’s the same problem I have. My boyfriend is white and I’m black. When my parents found out, they kept telling me not to date him without giving me a valid reason. It really annoyed me so I decided to invite him over to a few family dinners and they started to like him because of the way he treated me.
    You should really talk to your parents and tell them about how good your boyfriend treats you.

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