I’m The Third Wheel With My Girlfriends, What Do I Do?

Check out what’s new on our boards! Right now, our girls are talking about if you’re the third wheel in a best friend triangle:

treblegirl3418 said:

“Since I moved to secondary school, I have been close friends with A and L. For the past three years A and L have been my closest friends.

Some background info: I don’t find it hard to make friends as I’m easy to talk to and am friends with pretty much everyone at school, but I do find it very hard to trust people and therefore never really develop trusting friendships etc. I am confident in my talents and abilities, but really shy and not confident in the whole trusting people with my feelings etc.

Since I have trust issues A and L are my closest friends but we are not very close (e.g. I don’t talk about my feelings or whatever with them, I just hang out with them most of the time). I have always known that A and L are best friends, and I’m not apart of that. But they lead me on all the time. Saying things like “Oh we are BFFs!” but then not inviting me out with them ever (in fact I have never been out with them anywhere before). What’s worse is that they have no shame or guilt when they talk about times when they have gone out in front of my face. I feel like they treat me as if I have no feelings (this is true because people have always used me for my brains as I get top marks in school and have been bullied and teased before). I have been the “third wheel” for the past three years because I never knew if I should say something or do something. I stood up to them once and they stopped talking to me for a whole week (just because I showed them that I can stand up for myself and won’t be used).

They don’t seem to realize that there even is a problem and don’t realize how they treat me (I heard them say to each other “Why don’t we ever invite her out with us?” and then brush it off)

I really don’t know if I should stand up to them, talk to them about it or just stop being friends with them. Please give me some advice. All advice is appreciated.”

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  • sachelle

    this is my life story a million times over. make a friend and then a new person comes along and they become best buds and you start to walk on your own and become a loner. but the circle can be broken, you just need to know who you are and if your friends can’t be happy and accept you then you need to find some new friends.

    • Misty

      I can’t make new friends I don’t trust enough and I’ve been best friends with H for ages and we’ve known A for a really long time but I feel like we’re drifting apart and I hate it so much

  • Dey

    I have a similar problem, except one of the friends is a boy. We’re all just friends, but my female friend still likes him further, and they’re at the point where I have to find out about their YouTube channel together from someone else after they leave school to go out without letting me or any of our other friends know.

  • Lily

    I have the same problem every time I asked my friend partners for anything in sport for e.g. she always go no I’m pretty sure I’m going with person 2. this happens every time as well and person 2 is a bitch and I still like person 1. s ditch your friends and make some new ones

  • chloie

    I have a similar problem me nevaeh and star became friends in 4 grade and their always having sleepovers and everything and don’t even invite me to any of them and they always keep secrets from me

    • Jamysl

      Same hear and since I couldn’t not be with 1 of my friends for HALOWEEN it’s like okay I’m just going to invite your other BFF. It’s getting on my nerves. They always giggle and laugh together and then when I try to join in their Iike “don’t you have something else to do” and it makes me so upset once one of my friends actually told me to leave her alone cause she didint trust me!!!! Yah I’m starting to think that I’m their enemy. That reminds me 1 of my bffs used to hate me. I’m thinking she still does.

  • Anna

    I’ve been having a similar problem. I have four really close friends and I love hanging out with them, except one. I just finished 8th grade and I was excited to hang out with my two friends, but the one friend I don’t like will not let me. I have been trying to give her hints that I don’t want to really be friends anymore but that’s not working. For example- my friend (one of the four close ones) and I were going to have a sleepover and I was so excited (btw I haven’t told her the way I feel and the one I’m trying to avoid) . So then she texts me and tells me that the one “friend” I don’t like calls and tells her she wants to go. She has done this several times! When she is around she always makes me feel like the third wheel! (By telling stories where I wasn’t there) I can’t stand it any longer and I don’t know what to do. Please help me

    • Its okay

      Try to remain a neutral reaction to her. Like, don’t try to engage in convos or don’t show any strong emotions to her ‘ stories ‘. If she sees that you are totally unaffected by her, she will eventually stop being so… Snobby?I don’t know the word, but you get my point. Showing that you don’t have time for her sht and that you’re more mature, she will feel a bit stupid for not getting the message before, and well… She will stop. If not, then it just shows how pathetic she is 🙂

      Hope this helped, lol. Good luckxx

  • Shari

    Hey, It seems like they think of you as someone who they hang out with at school, but you’re not part of their after school life. Have you ever tried to plan something and invite them along. Maybe that way you can get things going and get them thinking about you differently. If that doesn’t work, and being around them just makes you always feel hurt and like the odd one out, search out some more positive friendships. You’ve already gave them a chance to change their behavior by being honest about how they made you feel, and they responded by freezing you out. The reality is that most friendship triangles suck. Be kind to yourself and remove yourself from this situation.

  • sally

    or you can just engage in a threesome! 🙂

  • jojo

    hey the same thing happen to me and eventually it got worse and people turned on me so i think you should nip it in a bud now

  • Timshel

    This is the explanation of my life , to a tee. :c