My Ex-Boyfriend Was Suicidal – Here’s How I Dealt

Yesterday it was reported that 15-year-old Paris Jackson, daughter of Michael Jackson, was hospitalized for attempting to commit suicide. It’s so sad and horrible to see such a young girl going through something so tough. I think this kind of situation always brings up questions such as: how do you deal when a friend or a boyfriend/girlfriend is suicidal? Imagine if your significant other felt the way Paris does – what would you do?

Well, I know what I would do, because I already went through this. A few years ago, I dated a guy who was suicidal. It was scary, very upsetting and really confusing. I know I’m not the only one who has gone through something like this, so I wanted to share my story with you guys so you can see that, if this happens to you, you’re not alone.

I dated my ex, let’s call him C, for almost five years and the entire time we knew each other, he was suicidal and very depressed. I knew this about him before we started dating, yet I went into the relationship anyway thinking that I could help him get better. I was wrong.

Things didn’t start out badly. It wasn’t until our first big fight that I really saw how many problems C had. He did something that really hurt my feelings and we were having a huge argument over the phone late at night. It was just a regular bad fight until I threatened to break up with him – that’s when C lost it. His voice changed completely and became very emotionless and monotone. He said something like, “Go ahead, break up with me. It’s just another reason for me to kill myself.”

Obviously, I freaked out and started panicking. I was 15-years-old and my first love was telling me all about how much he wanted to his end his life. He told me he was in the bathroom with a razor blade and he could end things right then and there. I was terrified and crying hysterically. I promised him I wouldn’t break up with him, but it didn’t seem to matter – he just kept going on about how miserable he was. Finally, I woke my mom up to talk to him and calm him down because I was so scared that he was going to do something. It was a horrible experience.

The next morning, C acted like nothing had happened, even though I was still shaken. When I brought it up, he brushed it off like it was no big deal. He seemed fine, so I let it go. Maybe he was just upset from the fight? Except I was wrong. That sort of thing started happening more and more, until it was to the point where I couldn’t say anything to C without him threatening to kill himself. While some may call this a manipulation tactic, I know that C genuinely had depression issues he needed to work out – so while I was aware that he was manipulating and controlling me by making me feel guilty, I also felt like I couldn’t take the chance of not taking him seriously. Imagine if he went through with it? I would never be able to forgive myself.

After a few years of this, I had fully committed myself to keeping C happy at all times. Except it didn’t work. These suicidal episodes got worse and worse. A few times, I caught him with cuts on his arms. Twice, I called his house in a panic to tell his mom I was worried about him (only twice because she didn’t listen to me). I begged him to go to therapy, but he refused. It didn’t matter what happened, whether he did something wrong or I did – he always turned a fight around to make me end up feeling sorry for him.

Of course, all of this took a toll on me. I went from a happy-go-lucky teenager to someone who was constantly stressed out and scared. I was also miserable because C brought me down. It’s hard to be happy when you’re constantly with someone who is severely depressed and it’s impossible to live your own life when it becomes centered around keeping one person happy. I didn’t do things for myself – I did things to keep C from thinking about suicide.

When I was finally able to pull myself away from our relationship, things got worse. C started seriously cutting himself, overdosing on prescription pills and using other illegal substances to not only numb his pain, but also to get my attention. But I had finally come to the point where I realized that I needed to start focusing on myself. I had finally realized that my life could not revolve around making C happy because C had to make himself happy. It sounds selfish, but I had to turn my back on C. I loved him and cared about him so much, but he was controlling every aspect of my life.

It wasn’t for years afterwards that I realized that if C had killed himself, it wouldn’t have been my fault. He had (has) serious depression issues and I, as a teenager trying to figure out my own emotions, was not equipped to handle them. I think that’s the most important thing I learned from this entire situation: it’s not your fault. If your boyfriend or girlfriend is this depressed and wants to commit suicide, it’s not your fault. You can’t handle it on your own. You need to get outside help for this person, or they need to get it themselves. I tried to take on C’s issues on my own and felt like I had failed when I couldn’t make him happy. I see other girls go through the same thing and I just want to hug them and tell them they need to take a step back.

So, what do you do if your boyfriend or girlfriend is suicidal? Get them help if you can. Be there for them if they need to talk. Show them that you love and care about them. But don’t make it your own personal mission to help them get better. In cases like these, serious help is needed. When C would tell me he was suicidal and I would cry and beg him not to do it, it didn’t make things better – in fact, I think it made things worse. Just remember: you can help up until a certain point and then it’s up to them.

Have you ever dealt with a suicidal boyfriend or girlfriend or friend? What did you do? Have you ever been in my situation? Tell me in the comments.

 

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  • Dalton Whalen

    A few months ago I met this girl (We’ll call her S). We have so much in common and I have never met anyone like her. Here’s the thing, her ex-boyfriend has mentally damaged her beyond repair. He treated her horribly, verbally abused her, threatened her, and much more. I knew she would be depressed and suicidal, but it was a lot worse than I thought. I would stay up all hours of the night just to talk her out of killing herself. It got to the point where I would get sick from lack of sleep. I worried about her every night. At first, I would just beg her not to do it. I would wake up in the morning, unsure if she’d be there to say “good morning”. I soon realized this wasn’t going to be enough. I changed my method to convincing her to get help. Naturally she declined, she had no way of going to her parents with this. This situation is still going on today. She isn’t manipulating me using her suicidal thoughts, but it’s affecting me anyway. It’s destroying my brain, not knowing when I’ll have to wake up at 2am in order to call 911. I don’t want to leave her, she’s what keeps me going in life. But honestly, I don’t know what to do at this point. I don’t want to leave her but I don’t want her to be dependent on me. If she is, as soon as she commits suicide I will feel as if it is my fault and I don’t want to go through that. If anyone has any suggestions, feel free to reply

  • Zaddy Hassan

    Im 17 im Dating my girlfriend for like 3 month now she is suicidal. she developed depression now and im so curious and i dnt know what to do. It feels like our relationship is breaking, i dnt know what to do i need help anyone please tell me what should i do. Because she keeping distance from me and i dnt want that to happen.

  • Emma sailors

    Me and my bf just got together and we are SUPER close friends and he keeps talking about and saying “i Wanna Die” or “Your life would be just so much better without me” When rlly hes the reason im still living. Need advice.

    • Kaitlynn Gardner

      Want to talk to me ??

  • Lauren George

    This described my relationship to a T. Although I’m still with him after 2.5 years and he is seeing proffesionals about his depression. He’s just gotten worse and worse. I can’t mentally cope with this anymore but I’m stuck. It’s not a matter of him threatening to kill himself, I know he will. After one of his episodes I broke down and needed a break so I went and had dinner at my Dads house. When I got home, he had rope burn on his neck where he tried to hang himself. And that was just because of him thinking I might leave in the future. I feel so utterly stuck between guilt and fear.

  • Kel

    I am in a similar situation. Except I am fully financially responsible for him. We’re both 22 years old and are very different. He has had a terrible life and is orphaned. But reading your article I realized be does the same things, like making me feel guilty and manipulating me. I know he is depressed and does not intentially do this. But I’m in college and my grades have dropped and I’ve lost most of my saving supporting him. Im becoming depressed myself and Im afraid he’s risking my future. I don’t want him to die but I also don’t want to be supporting him forever. I wish he could be a functioning adult.

  • Macen

    My girlfriend is essentially cursed. No one gives her the time of day and nobody seems to care for her not even her parents. And because of this she has no friends. She said she shouldnt be alive right now and that the only reason she is is because I told her not to and stopped her by stealing from college. But she’s gotten to the point to where she’s almost never happy, shes always bored, and never doing anything. She hates sleeping because she’s constantly having nightmares but she’s also always sleeping. She keeps saying she’s gonna end it and that theres no point in anything because no one cares. When I care and my friends who like her care as well. I’m at my wits end and don’t know what to do. Can someone please help?

  • Anna Taylor

    I’m 18 years old and in December I will be with my boyfriend for 3 years. Ever since we started dating in the beginning my friends and parents didn’t like him and slowly I started to see it too. I had barely turned 16 when I met him and I am so young to be put in the situation that I’m in. Last year he developed depression and ever since then it’s been a roller coaster ride with him. It came about because he accused me of cheating on him and as a result he no longer could trust me, also I went to prom with a guy friend of mine (my parents wouldn’t have approved of me going to prom with my boyfriend). Ever since, according to him, his depression had been my fault. In June of 2016 was the first time he told me he was having suicidal thoughts and planned to do it. Of course it scared me and I wanted to be the one to makes things better because i felt at blame for doing this to him. I tried to encourage him to seek professional help and get on medication but he refused, one because he had no desire to get better and two, he poor home life and no health insurance. So I became the person to help him through it, cry to me at night, tell me how he wanted to die and because jealous of my guy friend and made me stop talking to him and made me give him all my passwords on all social medias i had. At the time my guy friend was suffering from depression too and I felt guilty for being forced to stop talking to him, he asked me to continue to talk to him but keep it a secret from my boyfriend and I agreed. Now, a year later my boyfriends depression has gotten worse and he is just now wanting to get better. I have gone through countless of sleepless night staying up in the phone to talk with him to keep him from committing suidice and going through I guess you could say emotional abuse from him. I’m unhappy in the relationship now and will be starting college in the fall. I am scared to leave him in fear that he will go through with killing himself, I don’t want to live with that guilt. I’m stuck and don’t know how to get out of this situation without something bad happening, please give me some advice or guide me.

  • Anna Taylor

    I’m 18 years old and in December I will be with my boyfriend for 3 years. Ever since we started dating in the beginning my friends and parents didn’t like him and slowly I started to see it too. I had barely turned 16 when I met him and I am so young to be put in the situation that I’m in. Last year he developed depression and ever since then it’s been a roller coaster ride with him. It came about because he accused me of cheating on him and as a result he no longer could trust me, also I went to prom with a guy friend of mine (my parents wouldn’t have approved of me going to prom with my boyfriend). Ever since, according to him, his depression had been my fault. In June of 2016 was the first time he told me he was having suicidal thoughts and planned to do it. Of course it scared me and I wanted to be the one to makes things better because i felt at blame for doing this to him. I tried to encourage him to seek professional help and get on medication but he refused, one because he had no desire to get better and two, he poor home life and no health insurance. So I became the person to help him through it, cry to me at night, tell me how he wanted to die and because jealous of my guy friend and made me stop talking to him and made me give him all my passwords on all social medias i had. At the time my guy friend was suffering from depression too and I felt guilty for being forced to stop talking to him, he asked me to continue to talk to him but keep it a secret from my boyfriend and I agreed. Now, a year later my boyfriends depression has gotten worse and he is just now wanting to get better. I have gone through countless of sleepless night staying up in the phone to talk with him to keep him from committing suidice and going through I guess you could say emotional abuse from him. I’m unhappy in the relationship now and will be starting college in the fall. I am scared to leave him in fear that he will go through with killing himself, I don’t want to live with that guilt. I’m stuck and don’t know how to get out of this situation without something bad happening, please give me some advice or guide me.

  • It’z Wawa

    My boyfriends’ been suicidal ever since I left home a month ago to escort my brother to the emerge here in the city. My boyfriend has been showing signs that I am needed in both places. (Home and ER with my brother) and I can’t help if I am not home. He has been asking when I return and I tell him I do not know when. All I know is I have the hope to get back to him. I noticed too that not only he needs my help, my brother needs me as well. I cannot be in both places at once. I have been struggling on asking the doctors to see my brother ASAP and give me the results for him so I can return back to my boyfriend. At the same time, my brother is also in a kids mental health hospital for he too has an addiction to smoking to the point where he destroys himself. I cannot always help when I am not available. My little brother has been asking me to spend quality time with him and right now I am having the best time of my life with him… but at the same time I always think of my love who is waiting for me to return.. I try to stay happy when I am around my brother and I want to cry to someone so much because I worry about my brother and my lover. I am right at the point of losing my mind… how can I be the only survivor to mental health? I too had a background to depression and sucidal thoughts… I use to think so negative about things and everyone. (I still do) I try to keep things cool in reality. i don’t know what to do about my boyfriend… I have other people to worry about right now. I try to keep in touch with him as I can. Nothing seems to help. The calls I give him, the texts I send him. I love I try to express to him. Etc. I am so worried that when I get home, he won’t be there. Why are guys so “hardcore suicidal?” I just don’t understand what they think acting suicidal is a fun thing to play on young girls/women when we are at the edge of our seats worrying about them 24/7.

  • AnimeLuver1921

    I don’t know what’s wrong with everyone here I’d never threaten to kill myself if he breaks up with me, in fact I’ve vowed never to pull something like that ever again, but now that he’s seen how many issues I have within myself and how weak I am, I’m scared he’ll go away, because no one wants a weak girl who doesn’t know what to do with her future. No guy needs a girl whom he has to take care of, and I refuse to be that weak girl who cries and struggles with herself time after time cuz my partner doesn’t deserve that… I want to become someone my partner will be proud of.. and I don’t want this to become a broken n dependent relationship because of how I am, I’m going to do everything I can to change.. as a girl trying to be better than her current self I pray for your support…

  • Fozzella Dragneel

    Thanks a lot for sharing all of this. I am in the same situation with most people here and I feel warm to know that I’m not the only one. The difference is that my boyfriend (J) and I have been dating for 9 months and he is suicidal. He got family issues because he never got love and care from his family. He found out his best friend betrayed him also. He doesn’t trust anyone anymore and thinks that no one is trustworthy, except me. He always tells me that if I wouldn’t have been here for him, he’d already be gone. Whenever we argue, he always says that he gives up, he’s tired, he’s not gonna continue living anymore, he’ll be far away from forever and that I won’t be seeing him anymore. The problem is that, we both came to study in Australia after we graduated high school, far away from our home country. I got some of my relative here but he got no one, besides me. So I am the only one he can count on and I’m feeling like my life is mostly being controlled by him already because I have to do everything he wants me to and whenever I object, he’d say that he’s really gonna die right now if I want him to. And we’re both not really familiar with this new country, plus we’re only young adults so it is quite hard for me to seek help from the outside like going to therapists or psychiatrists outside of home country speaking to them in 2nd language as well. ? I want to help him but I want to get out of this relationship at the same time also. I’d be living my whole life with regrets and blaming myself if he’s really gone when I really decide to leave him. What should I do? ?

  • your Flower

    Thank you for the advice of “don’t make it your own personal mission to help them get better” Believe me I tried too.

    I met this awesome person, and it never came in my mind that he is dealing with anxiety and serious depression until 3 months of our super sweet and caring almost perfect relationship. I thought he was very open to me, so when he asked me about my ex’s I told him every bit of them.Then there was this day when he found an old photo on my FB that was related on my past. It was then my highway to hell. He started looking for something to argue with, searching guys on my FB and then got jealous to their long way back comment to one of my photo. Until he was violent,there was a big slap to every questions no matter what was the answer. I wanted to go but he doesn’t want me to. The baddest part was when i woke up in the morning I cant recognized my own face anymore, it was completely deformed from swelling on my forehead, cheeks, lips plus the black and blues. I cried so loud, the moment he heard me he came and asked forgiveness and begging me not to put him on jail. He knows what he did to me and he said all the wonderful words to forgive him again. Because I already love him and hoping he will change and not to do it again so I gave him other chance, and other chance and another chance.It was when i realized that he needs help, so i advised him to see psychiatrist which he considered and i was very happy about it. so it confirmed my doubt that he is dealing with something bad. I totally understand him and despite to all our big fights I still wanted to be there to make him happy even he got to the point of being suicidal mode, i got very afraid when he told me he will kill himself because he said he is a monster, worthless and all the negative thoughts he always have in his mind. His negativity made me so annoyed that i considered of letting our relationship go. I tried everything from advice, being with him alone forgetting my family and friends because he got very jealous whenever i have a good time with whoever they are. When i broke him up he became more and more manipulative and suicidal. After a month I realized that i cant help him through this matter , I had enough of helping him and know that he need to help himself too. I stepped back and cut all our communications. He suddenly popped up to my work and dropped all the memories we had, from small notes to memorable gifts. and the worse of it all was he gave me an expensive gift, the thing that he knows that i really really love the most.He only handed them and say bye.
    I did not bother to send him a thank you as I understood that he wants to finally wants to move on. I thought it was the end of my suffering from emotional abuse until after a week later I received a message from a woman who claimed that she is now the new gf and asking me if I know that Mr. my ex cut his wrist. I did not believe because I know him very well he can say anything to manipulate. But not one night when he sent me several photos of his both arms cut on his wrist , in the middle of his arms and on top of it. I got shocked and instantly scared and pity, worried ..i don’t know what to do and say exactly to what i have seen. I still did not talked to him as i can see that he is still in bad shape and i don’t want to make it worse.

    Read more: http://www.gurl.com/2013/06/06/suicidal-boyfriend-girlfriend-how-to-deal/#ixzz4ZtGOaeGB

  • disqus_G0gyuZTws8

    When I start dating with my boyfriend, he told me about the several problems of his family, he told me that it was the first he talked about it, I was the first person. I thpught that I could help him to be happy and to change his feelings, to help him to have goals in his life.. But I became his only goal, he only wanted to stay with me forever. He have been dating for more than 1 year, but I have been living in another city because of the university, I have been here for almost a year and I havent graduated yet. I feel that this relationship is not working, we only go out 1 or 2 days in a month when Im able to go to his city. Im so exhausted, so tired of giving him explications about everything I do.. Im so tired because of the university and homework.. I just want to have time for me but I cant because he have to talk every minute. I cant go on with this but when I told him about break up, he just told me that the only reason that he likes this life is because Im with him, I dont know what to do, Im tired of pretend that everything is ok and I feel so guilty because I gave him happiness and now I want to leave him and hes going to be depressed. Im scared about what he would do, I dont want him to kill himself, I dont know what to do, I keep thinking that all this situation is my fault. I hate myself

  • Sim

    ..

  • Quin

    I’ve been is a relstionship for 5 months and today he broke up with me today. he treathened me that if i went with my father on vacation during 5 days, he would broke up and kill himself. he did thid because i was always doing things for everyone except for him, but since we dated i really tried to solve that problem and try to not be a puppet in everyone’s hands. but in this situation I really thought I should do the favor to my dad and go in the vacation for 3 days instead of 5. my boyfrind said that wasn’t enough and i should learn how to tell no to people so he said im breaking up with you and im going to killl myself because of you and that i’m the only guilty one for his death and that i should feel guilty for the rest of my life. I dont know what to do i love him so much