Boards
Surprisingly I’m not a loser.
You know that movie Never Been Kissed? It’s the one where Drew Berrymore is a journalist who has never been in a relationship and is assigned to go undercover as a high school student to report on the lives of teens living that tough late ’90s suburbia life.
Well, aside from all of that undercover junk, I’ve realized that the older I get, the more I start to relate to Drew’s character…but a little less thirsty.
So I’m going to tell it to you straight: I’m 22-years old and I’ve never been kissed. I’ve never slept with anyone. I’ve never been on a date.
And as much as I would love to have experienced all of those things, let me let you in on a little secret: It’s not the end of the world. Seriously. It’s not.
If you feel like you’re some big ol’ loser because you’ve never been kissed, or never performed oral sex in a school bathroom stall, or haven’t reached any of those touching romantic milestones yet, know this: Milestones are stupid and there is always time. Your love life isn’t a race and you’re probably awesome.
Your sexual prowess (or lack thereof) has no bearing on how desirable you are. This is something that I’ve had to learn. It wasn’t until college that I was asked out by a few guys…all of whom I turned down. It wasn’t until college that I had mutual romantic interests, but time, place and that fickle little thing called life got in the way. Things happen, moments are lost and sometimes neither things nor moments are going on and you can feel pretty dejected. Believe me, I’ve been there. I know how it feels to feel left out when your friends share their crazy hookup experiences right in front of you. I know how it feels to wonder why everyone manages to hookup or date while you’re left in the dust, even when you put yourself out there. It can really suck. It just doesn’t make sense, right?
You’re right, it doesn’t make sense. Life doesn’t make sense, and love is particularly senseless.
Yeah, it’s a little funny (ok, weird) that there are a ton of 15-year-old girls out there who are more sexually experienced than I am–and more power to them for experiencing all the awesome things that romance has to offer. But it’s really okay not to have experienced those things yet. You’re really not as alone as you think you are, honestly.
I’m very aware of the possibility that I come across as a massive loser confessing all of this, but I honestly don’t care. Sure, I’d like for my current status to change, but I’m really not agonizing over it; and any of you who are in the same situation shouldn’t worry about it either!
Of course I have moments when I feel like I’m going to be forever alone, and I’m admittedly self-conscious about how a future boyfriend or hookup would react to this information, but those moments are pretty rare and fleeting. I know that something is going to come along, so what’s the point of feeling sorry for myself? I’m funny, I’m smart and I have an awesome sense of style. I have amazing friends and I’m a pretty happy person.
Look, I may not have been kissed yet, but my awesomeness isn’t determined by whether or not I’ve pulled tongue with some dude when I was in 9th grade. And neither is yours.
And if you’ve never been kissed and don’t feel at all comforted by my words of wisdom, at least you know that somewhere out there there is a chick who managed to graduate college without getting laid. There’s still hope for you.
Have you never been kissed? Do you feel like left out when it comes to love? Tell us in the comments!
Am I Going To End Up Alone Forever?
Would You Rather?
I was 19 when I had my first kiss, and I never feel strange of that… You have to be ready.
In my case, I thought that I found a good guy, we kissed… and the next day, he didn´t call me, he dissapeared. Few days ago, he appeared again and I realised that he is a big stupid. He showed me a different guy when we met.
I don´t feel bad about had lost my first kiss, in that moment was ok, I felt ready too. And I know that one day I am going to find the right guy.
Girl, if you´ve never been kissed, it doesn´t mean that you are a loser or you´re a saint
Sorry for my bad english, I don´t speak it very well.
I’m 18 and I too have never been kissed /gone out on a date.Sometimes I feel like I have to be in a relationship because my friends want me to be in one.Reading this article and the comments really inspire me to be happy just the way I am.I would like a boyfriend,only when I’m ready.
I seriously needed this. I am 21, and I have never been kissed, never been on a date, never had a boyfriend, nothing. I always feel left out. I am glad to know that there are other girls out there like me. Thank you soooooo much.
You are awesome! Love this
Thank you so much for writing this article! You are awesome for sharing something that makes so many of us (me included) insecure! This article really puts in perspective the misplaced importance that society puts on relationships. I think that all the girls feeling bad about having never been kissed, asked out, etc. should stop feeling bad and feel awesome about all of the good things about themselves. We all need to be reminded that our self-worth doesn’t come from guys or relationships or “experience”.
Thank you so much! I’ve been feeling so upset over this because all of my friends have at least been asked out before. I haven’t so I started getting upset over it because thats all people talk about teens doing especially now with plan B being for teens I just sit there like “I’ve never even been asked out so…” I thought I was just..not likeable in that way. Now I can feel at peace more often knowing there are more people like me!
I haven ever been kissed and I’m almost twenty.
I think about it and how i wish i had a boyfriend in college but I think If I wait I won’t get bored of having a boyfriend and I will be more exited when I get one.
This makes me happy.
I am 18 and never kissed anyone or gone out with anyone.
It is hard now because it seems that every friend of mine is horny as fuck and totally comfortable with hooking up with whoever they want, girls, guys, whatever
so it is nice to know
that it really isn’t everything.
Thanks for writing this.
I’m glad to know I’m not the only one who’s in this situation. I’m also 22 years old and have never been in ANY intimate situation with a guy or a girl. It’s weird because a part of me feels like I’m scared of sex and intimacy but another part of me wants to experience that with someone because I feel like I’ve waited a pretty long time for that. I’m glad I’m not the only 22 year old left that hasn’t kissed anyone before. Lol!
This article is quite inspiring. I’ve had quite a few relationships but they never lasted long (we never got to the point of HOLDING HANDS) but I’ve never been kissed either. The funny thing is that sometimes I wonder if my first kiss will feel as magical and wonderful like it is for girls in books and movies and other times when I see my friends literally EAT each others faces, I sort of DON’T want it to happen so I don’t turn out like them. But all in all, I’m ok with it not happening yet but I’ll figure out what to do when it does. I just hope that when it does, I’ll be relieved knowing that my long wait was worth it.
I totally agree with this, i am 19 right now and in the same situation. And yes i had dated but never got to the part of kissing. And yes sometimes i really fill left out but for me is like normal at this point. In my case i did not felt prepare until i was like 17, but after i had not find a guy that i really want to leave my comfort zone. So yes thanks for your story, is good to know that there are girls just like me out there.
Oh, God. This is SO amazing, Ashley. I just felt so…abnormal, not human, emotionless before reading this…ok, I’m being quite dramatic but I did feel weird. I just turned 16 years old yesterday and I’ve never been kissed. Well, even more, I have never been on a date and I have never had a crush on anyone. Nobody has ever asked me out either. I identify myself as heterosexual because I have, in fact, felt attracted to celebrity males (you know, as a kind of platonic love) and I can imagine myself being with a boy. I just don’t feel that way towards girls.
However, I have never had an experience like that and I’m not remotely interested in pursuing a relationship. I know my situation may be quite different from yours, but I want you to know that you made me feel so good. Now I know I’m not alone. Thank you, girl.
Im 21 and this article makes me feel a lot better because I honestly feel like such a weirdo for not having a first kiss or losing my virginity. People usually think I’m lying when I tell them I haven’t lol.
I don’t think you are a loser. There are plenty of 20-year-olds who have never been kissed. Trust me.
I feel like a lot of young people don’t understand desire. they understand lust and they understand fun and they want to experience life, but they don’t understand the actual desire to be with another person in an emorionally or physically intimate way. Frankly I don’t think anyone should be emotionally or physically intimate with another human being until they desire these things. kissing out or fucking or sucking out of curiosity is no good. It should only come when you desire it and not before. So kudos to all of you that have not done these things. And it doesn’t make you any less, it makes you yourself and that’s great.
I’m saving my first kiss and everything else for marriage. It has caused me to lose a lot of guys, butI know it’s a good decision for me and I know it’ll be even more special for my future husband that I saved it all for him.
Thank You Ashley for posting this
. It’s honestly made me feel better, though generally i am good with my status, but sometimes i do feel left out and sad, you kind of feel like life is moving on without you in That Area. But time will tell i guess 
I’m 21 btw, but i wouldn’t be surprised if at 22 i’m still this way 
i’m not ashamed either, this is who we are, and it’s best to accept things and be happy than pretend to be someone else and eventually feel bad.
I’m also 22 and have never been kissed, I’m so glad I’m not alone in all of that nonsense. You put into words what I’ve been trying to for ages.
I am so glad someone has FINALLY written this article. I’m 19 and never been kissed, no dates, and still a virgin. When I was in high school I used to get so jealous of all the girls who actually had relationship problems that I was actually considering going out with guys who gave me even the slightest compliment. But when one of my friends did the exact same thing it was so obvious she wasn’t happy. So I learned from her situation to never settle for less and that the right guy will come along. Not exactly the guy who I want to marry, just someone I’m actually attracted to and can see myself being happy with. So yes I still do have those days where I’m like “I wish I had a boyfriend”, but then I realize that’s it really not the end of the world and being single and focused on me and my life is A-okay.
I love this! I was 21 before I had my first date, kiss, and um… relations. So I totally relate to this! It took me a long time to realize that my self worth did NOT depend on the number of boyfriends I had or hadn’t had. I’m proud that I didn’t give up my virginity for just anyone and that I’ve only been with 2 guys. It doesn’t make me any less of a woman or any less desirable!