I’m 22 And I’ve Never Been Kissed…And It’s Not A Big Deal

never-been-kissed-loser

Surprisingly I’m not a loser.

You know that movie Never Been Kissed? It’s the one where Drew Berrymore is a journalist who has never been in a relationship and is assigned to go undercover as a high school student to report on the lives of teens living that tough late ’90s suburbia life.

Well, aside from all of that undercover junk, I’ve realized that the older I get, the more I start to relate to Drew’s character…but a little less thirsty.

So I’m going to tell it to you straight: I’m 22-years old and I’ve never been kissed. I’ve never slept with anyone. I’ve never been on a date.

And as much as I would love to have experienced all of those things, let me let you in on a little secret: It’s not the end of the world. Seriously. It’s not.

If you feel like you’re some big ol’ loser because you’ve never been kissed, or never performed oral sex in a school bathroom stall, or haven’t reached any of those touching romantic milestones yet, know this: Milestones are stupid and there is always time. Your love life isn’t a race and you’re probably awesome.

Your sexual prowess (or lack thereof) has no bearing on how desirable you are. This is something that I’ve had to learn. It wasn’t until college that I was asked out by a few guys…all of whom I turned down. It wasn’t until college that I had mutual romantic interests, but time, place and that fickle little thing called life got in the way. Things happen, moments are lost and sometimes neither things nor moments are going on and you can feel pretty dejected. Believe me, I’ve been there. I know how it feels to feel left out when your friends share their crazy hookup experiences right in front of you. I know how it feels to wonder why everyone manages to hookup or date while you’re left in the dust, even when you put yourself out there. It can really suck. It just doesn’t make sense, right?

You’re right, it doesn’t make sense. Life doesn’t make sense, and love is particularly senseless.

Yeah, it’s a little funny (ok, weird) that there are a ton of 15-year-old girls out there who are more sexually experienced than I am–and more power to them for experiencing all the awesome things that romance has to offer. But it’s really okay not to have experienced those things yet. You’re really not as alone as you think you are, honestly.

I’m very aware of the possibility that I come across as a massive loser confessing all of this, but I honestly don’t care. Sure, I’d like for my current status to change, but I’m really not agonizing over it; and any of you who are in the same situation shouldn’t worry about it either!

Of course I have moments when I feel like I’m going to be forever alone, and I’m admittedly self-conscious about how a future boyfriend or hookup would react to this information, but those moments are pretty rare and fleeting. I know that something is going to come along, so what’s the point of feeling sorry for myself? I’m funny, I’m smart and I have an awesome sense of style. I have amazing friends and I’m a pretty happy person.

Look, I may not have been kissed yet, but my awesomeness isn’t determined by whether or not I’ve pulled tongue with some dude when I was in 9th grade. And neither is yours.

And if you’ve never been kissed and don’t feel at all comforted by my words of wisdom, at least you know that somewhere out there there is a chick who managed to graduate college without getting laid. There’s still hope for you.

Have you never been kissed? Do you feel like left out when it comes to love? Tell us in the comments!

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Posted in: Relationships
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  • Frank Eubanks

    Frank Eubanks • 2 minutes ago

    This is the third “never been kissed” article that
    I have ever seen that I can make a comment on, and to me, it is an honored
    privilege to comment on this topic. I am 70 years old and expect to die a man
    who has never kissed a woman and also I expect to die a man who has never fully
    hugged a woman. No woman has ever given
    me consent to kiss her, and no woman has ever given me consent to fully hug
    her. Kissing and/or hugging a woman for
    me would be at least a form of physical sexual assault if not a form of
    physical rape. I have about a 100%
    chance of dying as a life-long virgin.
    Also, I am labeled as a man of sexual misconduct and I have been found
    guilty of sexually harassing at least 30 women.
    Not only how women misinterpret me is called none of my business, but
    sometimes who misinterpreted me is called none of my business. I wanted to become a married man with
    children, but I was denied the gift of a wife, let alone the gift of
    children. It only takes one woman to
    marry me but zero women won’t do. I am
    forced to obey 1st Corinthians 7:1, King James Version. I won’t even shake a woman’s hand, let alone
    high five a woman. I accidentally came
    in contact with part of a Muslim woman’s hand, so I treat all women as if they
    were Muslim women. If I ask a lady for an
    interview for the “until death do we part job” of becoming her
    husband, she can charge me with sexual harassment. I have never been on a date. Before a man can kiss a woman, the woman must
    first give that man permission to kiss her.
    Otherwise, she can charge him with sexual assault or perhaps even rape
    if he kisses her on the cheek.

    https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/db2cdec85f2b139d1c57cd5c1130dd66d07f336ee7af8559fbd8ea810fb304d7.jpg

  • Jessica Joerndt

    I am 20, now a junior in college, and never been kissed or dated either. My whole life I have been involved with my passions and activites, which were horse-back riding and competition, and running. That was my focus all throughout high school, and I don’t regret any of it. I’ve always been pretty shy and quiet, so I haven’t exactly put myself out there either. I have also always loved acting and singing, and now that is something that I want to pursue. Of course, that also makes me feel even worse as I am auditioning for film and television, because so many roles now involve sex, kissing, even nudity. I am honestly not comfortable with any of it. I would kiss for a film or television show, or a play, but imitating sex when I’ve never experienced it makes me feel awkward. I have won’t really go on an audition if there is heavy sexual material in the script. It’s kind of sad lol because I’m a college student nervous to audition for a college script because of the sex and kissing involved. Some scripts even require female to female kissing and heat. How can I kiss a female without even having kissed a male first!? Anyway, I’m glad to know that I’m not alone, and I believe that everything happens for a reason, and my time will come. I am just staying focused on my future and career, and I will let romance happen whenever it does.

  • Rachele

    Its nice not to feel alone in this situation. I’m 19 going on 20 and I have never made out or have done any sexual act with a guy. It’s not like I’m waiting for any particular reason I just feel like I’ve never been really comfortable with anyone to do anything with. It makes me feel so insecure because all my friends think I’m super experienced and I hate to say it I don’t necessarily deny it either. I know it horrible to lie I really don’t like to it but I was so tired of people literally treating like I was a foreign creature. When I use to be upfront about being a virgin people would no joke say I was like a unicorn because I was so rare and unique. Could you imagine if I told them I was a TOTAL virgin! I think I would die of embarrasment.I hate that I care so much about what people think its stupid but I can’t help it. It’s so easy to be confident by yourself then get around 20 other people who are all very experienced then its a different story at least in my opinion. It makes me feel so isolated from my peers and I already struggle with anxiety/ depression so this issue doesn’t particularly make me feel confident. But I try not to think about too much but I always wonder how guys would react to it. I really appreciate this article its a light in a dark tunnel . 🙂

  • marie

    Reading this and all the comments have made me feel so much better and not alone haha!! My problem is when I was 10, 12, 14, 16 and so on I always felt ugly and I had anxiety and would always think men were talking to my friends not Me. Also though I’m not a lesbian, I like to hang out with only woman who I understand and who I’m comfortable with. Men make me nervous. I’m trying really hard to fix that haha but its slow. I also hate showing skin. I’m not fat and could wear some things but I honestly feel ridiculous in tight dresses and supper high heels. I feel more comfortable in sweet are cute things. My style is very Jess from New Girl which I don’t think men find attractive haha. I also hate clubs r party’s social settings. I love to go to bed early and read r watch my TV shows. I’m so boring its insane. I’m still so young I should want to go out and do crazy things but I have no desire I hope I’m not my own worst enemy idk how to change who I am to get someone to like me. I’m like the perfect girl friend Im nice. I shower. I wear makeup. I can take a joke. I can bake. I’m some one u can take home to mom and she’s going to love me. I have a good personality. I’m not grace Kelly r anything but my face isn’t horrible. The problem is I’m someone men want after they marry u. Not be for haha

  • Rachel campos-jaimes

    I’m 21 and I’ve never been kissed, I’ve never had sex, and hardly ever go on dates. when I was in college some boys did chase me, but I kinda shooed them away because they weren’t my type. With a few boys and men I was constantly given the “lower my standards” line. The same guys who asked me this, have turned other girls lives into a living nightmare, so I refuse to because as a woman who is patient. Weather I’m 21 or 32 I’m gonna wait for Mr. Right instead of settling for Mr. Right now. In the meantime I will continue to figure out who I am, before jumping into a relationship that might not last.

  • asdasdasdasdasda

    Your sexual prowess (or lack thereof) has no bearing on how desirable you are.

    Really? Ask anyone. Most people can tell in an instant how sexually inexperienced you are, just by looking at you, just by seeing how you move, and interact with others. I have been deemed undesirable by most women I’ve met because I have no experience. Never kissed, never touched, never seen anyone naked, never had sex. Inexperience is a turn off for most people. That’s reality.

  • gwendalyn

    Thank you! I’m 21 years old and all my friends said it not right to never be kissed. I never even got ask on a date. My little sister already had five boyfriend and she 16. She said Im the ugly sister who going to die only.

  • Melissa

    Thank you, thank you, thank you for writing this. Like some of you who have commented, I’m about to turn 21 in a few days. I’ve never gone on a serious date before, never been kissed, never been in a relationship, etc. People have also been unable to fathom how I could be single, since I’m apparently beautiful (and live a healthy lifestyle), highly intelligent (on my way to get a masters and get my BA in honors a year early), successful (great job, community involvement, etc), hardworking, caring, humanitarian, blah blah blah. I’m apparently one of those girls who got it going for them. When others find out that I’m “inexperienced” they don’t believe me and family members all think that I’m a lesbian because they’ve never seen me with a guy, which is frustrating.

    Yeah, I’ll admit, I tend to be shy when it comes to guys. I’ve gotten better about it though.

    I’ve gone through many moments of insecurity, since all the guys who have pursued me are not good guys and catches. People say then, that I should be the one to pursue if good guys aren’t coming my way. The thing is, I have gone after guys. I’ve talked them up, flirted (not in a desperate way though) and asked them out. But guess what? Each and every one of them have either blatantly rejected me or never followed through. I also tried online dating and same case scenario. Sure, it would also be nice to maybe have friends help me out, maybe introduce me to someone, but I guess I give off a vibe that I can take care of things all on my own in this issue.

    I’m also getting to that age where all of my friends who were in a similar situation to mine have found their loves or even getting engaged or married.

    Yeah, it can feel like it sucks especially when others may try to make fun of you and try to feel superior. But you know what? It’s their problem, not yours. Life is filled with so much beauty despite the darkness, and there are so many others out there who are going through more s*** to worry about than being a ‘super virgin’. And because you are such a great person, and have most likely tried to do your part, good things WILL come! I have faith in you all 🙂

    It’s empowering and comforting knowing that I’m not alone out here in this world. That there really isn’t nothing wrong with me. All is truly well.

    Love and light to you all <3

  • Lora

    OMG thank you so much for this post.
    Iam 20 years old . Never had a boyfriend ,never had my first kiss. I feel lonley sometimes .I dont get to meet new ppl very often (i dont visit partys or nights clubs) , mybe thats why i havent meet my mr.right guy..i dont know. For very long time i was thinking that i dont have a boyfriend because iam ugly .. but now i understand that iam not! Everybody is beutiful . Hehe -i hope to meet my soulmate someday , just need to wait.
    Sorry for my english.