My Crush Is Being Mean To Me – Does That Mean He Likes Me?

Hi Heather,

I went on a few dates with this guy I really like and we’ve hooked up a few times. But now I’m scared that he might be using me just to hook up. He’s also been trying to get with my best friend! Whenever we hang out, he won’t stop talking to me about how she is better at me in swimming and how she is a runner and I just bench warm for the volleyball team. I know that people say that when a guy is mean to you, that means he likes you… well, is that true? He compliments me sometimes but he also says nicer things about my friend. I just don’t know what to think. Help!

Two words: run away. Seriously. This guy sounds like a jerk and you deserve to be treated waaaayyy better than this.

I’m not surprised that you’ve heard that when guys are mean to you, that means they like you. I think we were all told this when we were little kids – whenever a boy was picking on you at school and you complained about it to an adult, he/she probably said something along those lines. Here’s the thing, though: while this is sometimes true for very young, immature boys with a little crush, it’s not true for older dudes who really do have feelings for you. 

Yes, your average teen boy full of hormones who doesn’t know how to deal with feelings may tease you or bully you a little bit if he likes you. But he most likely wouldn’t take it this far, especially if he’s already hung out with you and hooked up with you. This isn’t harmless and annoying teasing to try to get your attention – this is being genuinely mean, rude and insensitive and it’s not cool.

It sounds like this guy is way too immature to handle any sort of relationship right now. He’s into hooking up with you, but it doesn’t seem like he wants anything more than that. It also sounds like he has a crush on your best friend and it’s totally not okay for him to keep rubbing this in your face. If he likes your BFF, he never should have hooked up with you in the first place. Also, he shouldn’t be telling you about it and he definitely shouldn’t be comparing you two! That is NOT okay. He’s acting like a jerk and not a jerk who just doesn’t know how to tell you he likes you – he’s a jerk who thinks he can treat you however he wants.

So, here’s what I think you should do: stop talking to and hanging out with this guy ASAP. You don’t deserve to be compared to your best friend by a dude who knows you have feelings for him. When a guy likes you, he’s not going to purposely make you feel bad about yourself (unless he’s 12-years-old). He’s going to go out of his way to talk to you, hang out with you and make you feel good all the time. If a guy is into you, he’s not going to tell you he thinks your best friend is hot. Plain and simple. Let this dude go and find someone who will give you the respect you deserve.

take care,

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